While On Life's Journey.....

The following is a guest blogger's own story:

I had been thinking about a day sometime ago, when I was still using.

I felt alone and isolated. In fact I did isolate--literally... I cut myself off from my usual interaction with community. I sequestered myself at home, ignoring emails, or the phone, even refusing to come to the door at times. I moved into a self-induced state of emotional catatonia, using heavily so as to blot out any thoughts or emotions that would remind me of my connection to family, community, or spirit.

After days of continuous using, being sleep deprived, racked with paranoia, I had become absolutely convinced that I was, indeed, cut off. It was as if I had been picked up by the scruff of the neck and dropped into a confining glass jar. I was able to see the world around, to see its function, aware of the passing of time, but, in the same moment, not "seeing", not perceiving, and, most awfully not feeling. Not feeling any sense of connection whatsoever with my inner self nor able to gain any sense of a life beyond the walls of this prison.

I am pretty sure that this is when I started screaming......

I stood in my living room, midday, amidst a brilliant wash of light flowing in through the windows and screamed as if sanity itself were leaving me.

I have considered that terrifying experience many times since letting go of drug use. I know now, that it was purely a deception brought on by the punishing effects of drugs and fear that led me to believe that I could ever be separated from the world. That it would even be possible to be plucked up and placed in a jar, allowed only to see life from afar and not be connected with it.

I have also wondered how many others have experienced this kind of hurtful deception. Or, how many precious souls are still waiting for their emancipation.

In freedom from drugs I found light, and in the light I see myself as I am seen by creation.

A connected, spacious soul; a member of a vast family of connected souls...always close at hand when I reach out to touch them.

I can't say exactly how this transformation from deception to connection came into being for me; nor do I think that it is a "before and after " kind of experience, but rather a gentle unfolding in the process of time.

I do know this though...that in the darkness of isolation something did stir in me...an overwhelming desire to be reunited with my life...to once again have my awareness come back to me.

I guess you could say it was in my darkest times that I found the greatest mercy. My "prayer" was just a simple request: "I want my life back. So please take these drugs and deception away from me." I said out loud to no one in particular really--not to any god per se, or, to any program--out loud, to myself, I suppose.

I continue to hold a light for the travelers who are making their way through the weary parts of deception. There is an end and a path up and beyond--I know, I, too, am following others who traveled this road before me.
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Thank you, Greg, for sharing your story so succinctly. Well done.

If anyone else would like to be a guest blogger, please submit your blog to: maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com