ADDICTION: ALCOHOL AT SOCIAL GATHERINGS
07/24/10
ADDICTION: ALCOHOL AT SOCIAL GATHERINGS
MAx Fabry is a regular contributor to a weekly column "ASK MAx" published in the SPRINGFIELD TIMES, Springfield, Oregon. The SPRINGFIELD TIMES is published weekly on Friday by S.J. Olson Publishing, Inc. This column is published on this blog by permission of the SPRINGFIELD TIMES. Visit their website at http://www.springfieldtimes.net.
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Dear MAx,
I am planning to serve alcohol at a social gathering I will be hosting. I have friends that are in recovery, some just since the New Year, and I am wondering how they will do attending this gathering. I don’t want to be the one that makes them fall off the wagon. How do I handle this?
Shena
Dear Shena,
I will speculate that many people have asked themselves this question at one time if they know a recovering person. Do I serve wine with dinner?
The reality is that you are not responsible if someone decides to drink or not. One of the behaviors recovering people work on is assuming the responsibility of their behaviors—including whether or not they choose to drink.
In the Big Book of “Alcoholics Anonymous”, Fourth Edition, page 101, it is explained that if you are helping someone with their recovery that AA has a belief that “any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure”.
The explanation goes on in the next paragraph to say “So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties.”
The responsibility for your friends making a decision to both attend your “whoopee” party or not, and to decide whether they are going to use or not while they are there, is strictly their business.
Here are just five strategies alcoholics can use if they choose to go to places that serve alcohol:
1.Be sure you are physically and mentally prepared to attend an alcohol function: check your HALT: are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired? If you are nervous in any way about going, you probably want to find something else to do.
2.If you decide to attend be sure to have an exit plan in case you get uncomfortable. If you go with someone, have a phone number of someone you can trust, and, who understands your situation, to come and pick you up.
3.When you arrive, it really isn’t necessary to announce “I’m an alcoholic and I am in recovery.” It you need to say anything about not drinking alcohol, volunteer to be a designated driver for the evening.
4.Always know what is in your glass. Be safe, never accept a drink from someone, pour your own beverages. If you set your glass down and walk away, get a new drink.
5.Never be afraid to leave the party early. Probably if most people are getting a bit too high spirited, leave. Measure your comfort level throughout the evening.
You, of course, need to own your behaviors to be a responsible part host. Here are a few tips to accomplish that:
1.In your planning, be sure to include a nice variety of non-alcoholic drinks. Orange juice, tea, carbonated beverages, coffee, are some drinks you might consider. You can consider hiring a professional server who is experienced at monitoring intake of alcohol. This also relieves you from keeping an eye on the alcohol all night.
2.For those folks that you know don’t drink, reassure them that they can still have fun. Never force someone to “have a drink” if they don’t want one; they may be one of your friends that you didn’t know quit drinking.
3.Serve high-protein foods that stay in the stomach for a longtime. While this does not effect the pace the alcohol leaves the system, these types of foods will slow down the digestive process of the alcohol.
4.In the planning process include entertainment that includes participation which will slow down the consumption of alcohol. Even if people just choose to watch and not participate, drinking is usually slowed down.
5.Don’t let people drink and drive. Make sure that your guests know how you feel about drinking and driving. Identify designated drivers (DDs) as your guests arrive; don’t be afraid to ask for volunteers to be DDs as guests arrive.. Stop serving alcohol two hours before the party is over, but continue serving food and non-alcoholic beverages. Have the phone numbers ready for local cab companies.
So you see, Shena, having a successful party that involves alcohol is really a matter of everyone accepting their responsibility and being accountable for their own behavior.
Be well on your journey, and have a swell time at your party.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to: askmaxcolumn@yahoo.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry and read her blog at www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.
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MAx Fabry is a regular contributor to a weekly column "ASK MAx" published in the SPRINGFIELD TIMES, Springfield, Oregon. The SPRINGFIELD TIMES is published weekly on Friday by S.J. Olson Publishing, Inc. This column is published on this blog by permission of the SPRINGFIELD TIMES. Visit their website at http://www.springfieldtimes.net.
_____________________________________________
Dear MAx,
I am planning to serve alcohol at a social gathering I will be hosting. I have friends that are in recovery, some just since the New Year, and I am wondering how they will do attending this gathering. I don’t want to be the one that makes them fall off the wagon. How do I handle this?
Shena
Dear Shena,
I will speculate that many people have asked themselves this question at one time if they know a recovering person. Do I serve wine with dinner?
The reality is that you are not responsible if someone decides to drink or not. One of the behaviors recovering people work on is assuming the responsibility of their behaviors—including whether or not they choose to drink.
In the Big Book of “Alcoholics Anonymous”, Fourth Edition, page 101, it is explained that if you are helping someone with their recovery that AA has a belief that “any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure”.
The explanation goes on in the next paragraph to say “So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties.”
The responsibility for your friends making a decision to both attend your “whoopee” party or not, and to decide whether they are going to use or not while they are there, is strictly their business.
Here are just five strategies alcoholics can use if they choose to go to places that serve alcohol:
1.Be sure you are physically and mentally prepared to attend an alcohol function: check your HALT: are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired? If you are nervous in any way about going, you probably want to find something else to do.
2.If you decide to attend be sure to have an exit plan in case you get uncomfortable. If you go with someone, have a phone number of someone you can trust, and, who understands your situation, to come and pick you up.
3.When you arrive, it really isn’t necessary to announce “I’m an alcoholic and I am in recovery.” It you need to say anything about not drinking alcohol, volunteer to be a designated driver for the evening.
4.Always know what is in your glass. Be safe, never accept a drink from someone, pour your own beverages. If you set your glass down and walk away, get a new drink.
5.Never be afraid to leave the party early. Probably if most people are getting a bit too high spirited, leave. Measure your comfort level throughout the evening.
You, of course, need to own your behaviors to be a responsible part host. Here are a few tips to accomplish that:
1.In your planning, be sure to include a nice variety of non-alcoholic drinks. Orange juice, tea, carbonated beverages, coffee, are some drinks you might consider. You can consider hiring a professional server who is experienced at monitoring intake of alcohol. This also relieves you from keeping an eye on the alcohol all night.
2.For those folks that you know don’t drink, reassure them that they can still have fun. Never force someone to “have a drink” if they don’t want one; they may be one of your friends that you didn’t know quit drinking.
3.Serve high-protein foods that stay in the stomach for a longtime. While this does not effect the pace the alcohol leaves the system, these types of foods will slow down the digestive process of the alcohol.
4.In the planning process include entertainment that includes participation which will slow down the consumption of alcohol. Even if people just choose to watch and not participate, drinking is usually slowed down.
5.Don’t let people drink and drive. Make sure that your guests know how you feel about drinking and driving. Identify designated drivers (DDs) as your guests arrive; don’t be afraid to ask for volunteers to be DDs as guests arrive.. Stop serving alcohol two hours before the party is over, but continue serving food and non-alcoholic beverages. Have the phone numbers ready for local cab companies.
So you see, Shena, having a successful party that involves alcohol is really a matter of everyone accepting their responsibility and being accountable for their own behavior.
Be well on your journey, and have a swell time at your party.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to: askmaxcolumn@yahoo.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry and read her blog at www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.
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