Archives for: July 2010
07/24/10
ADDICTION: ALCOHOL AT SOCIAL GATHERINGS
MAx Fabry is a regular contributor to a weekly column "ASK MAx" published in the SPRINGFIELD TIMES, Springfield, Oregon. The SPRINGFIELD TIMES is published weekly on Friday by S.J. Olson Publishing, Inc. This column is published on this blog by permission of the SPRINGFIELD TIMES. Visit their website at http://www.springfieldtimes.net.
_____________________________________________
Dear MAx,
I am planning to serve alcohol at a social gathering I will be hosting. I have friends that are in recovery, some just since the New Year, and I am wondering how they will do attending this gathering. I don’t want to be the one that makes them fall off the wagon. How do I handle this?
Shena
Dear Shena,
I will speculate that many people have asked themselves this question at one time if they know a recovering person. Do I serve wine with dinner?
The reality is that you are not responsible if someone decides to drink or not. One of the behaviors recovering people work on is assuming the responsibility of their behaviors—including whether or not they choose to drink.
In the Big Book of “Alcoholics Anonymous”, Fourth Edition, page 101, it is explained that if you are helping someone with their recovery that AA has a belief that “any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure”.
The explanation goes on in the next paragraph to say “So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties.”
The responsibility for your friends making a decision to both attend your “whoopee” party or not, and to decide whether they are going to use or not while they are there, is strictly their business.
Here are just five strategies alcoholics can use if they choose to go to places that serve alcohol:
1.Be sure you are physically and mentally prepared to attend an alcohol function: check your HALT: are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired? If you are nervous in any way about going, you probably want to find something else to do.
2.If you decide to attend be sure to have an exit plan in case you get uncomfortable. If you go with someone, have a phone number of someone you can trust, and, who understands your situation, to come and pick you up.
3.When you arrive, it really isn’t necessary to announce “I’m an alcoholic and I am in recovery.” It you need to say anything about not drinking alcohol, volunteer to be a designated driver for the evening.
4.Always know what is in your glass. Be safe, never accept a drink from someone, pour your own beverages. If you set your glass down and walk away, get a new drink.
5.Never be afraid to leave the party early. Probably if most people are getting a bit too high spirited, leave. Measure your comfort level throughout the evening.
You, of course, need to own your behaviors to be a responsible part host. Here are a few tips to accomplish that:
1.In your planning, be sure to include a nice variety of non-alcoholic drinks. Orange juice, tea, carbonated beverages, coffee, are some drinks you might consider. You can consider hiring a professional server who is experienced at monitoring intake of alcohol. This also relieves you from keeping an eye on the alcohol all night.
2.For those folks that you know don’t drink, reassure them that they can still have fun. Never force someone to “have a drink” if they don’t want one; they may be one of your friends that you didn’t know quit drinking.
3.Serve high-protein foods that stay in the stomach for a longtime. While this does not effect the pace the alcohol leaves the system, these types of foods will slow down the digestive process of the alcohol.
4.In the planning process include entertainment that includes participation which will slow down the consumption of alcohol. Even if people just choose to watch and not participate, drinking is usually slowed down.
5.Don’t let people drink and drive. Make sure that your guests know how you feel about drinking and driving. Identify designated drivers (DDs) as your guests arrive; don’t be afraid to ask for volunteers to be DDs as guests arrive.. Stop serving alcohol two hours before the party is over, but continue serving food and non-alcoholic beverages. Have the phone numbers ready for local cab companies.
So you see, Shena, having a successful party that involves alcohol is really a matter of everyone accepting their responsibility and being accountable for their own behavior.
Be well on your journey, and have a swell time at your party.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to: askmaxcolumn@yahoo.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry and read her blog at www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.
MAx Fabry is a regular contributor to a weekly column "ASK MAx" published in the SPRINGFIELD TIMES, Springfield, Oregon. The SPRINGFIELD TIMES is published weekly on Friday by S.J. Olson Publishing, Inc. This column is published on this blog by permission of the SPRINGFIELD TIMES. Visit their website at http://www.springfieldtimes.net.
_____________________________________________
Dear MAx,
I am planning to serve alcohol at a social gathering I will be hosting. I have friends that are in recovery, some just since the New Year, and I am wondering how they will do attending this gathering. I don’t want to be the one that makes them fall off the wagon. How do I handle this?
Shena
Dear Shena,
I will speculate that many people have asked themselves this question at one time if they know a recovering person. Do I serve wine with dinner?
The reality is that you are not responsible if someone decides to drink or not. One of the behaviors recovering people work on is assuming the responsibility of their behaviors—including whether or not they choose to drink.
In the Big Book of “Alcoholics Anonymous”, Fourth Edition, page 101, it is explained that if you are helping someone with their recovery that AA has a belief that “any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure”.
The explanation goes on in the next paragraph to say “So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties.”
The responsibility for your friends making a decision to both attend your “whoopee” party or not, and to decide whether they are going to use or not while they are there, is strictly their business.
Here are just five strategies alcoholics can use if they choose to go to places that serve alcohol:
1.Be sure you are physically and mentally prepared to attend an alcohol function: check your HALT: are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired? If you are nervous in any way about going, you probably want to find something else to do.
2.If you decide to attend be sure to have an exit plan in case you get uncomfortable. If you go with someone, have a phone number of someone you can trust, and, who understands your situation, to come and pick you up.
3.When you arrive, it really isn’t necessary to announce “I’m an alcoholic and I am in recovery.” It you need to say anything about not drinking alcohol, volunteer to be a designated driver for the evening.
4.Always know what is in your glass. Be safe, never accept a drink from someone, pour your own beverages. If you set your glass down and walk away, get a new drink.
5.Never be afraid to leave the party early. Probably if most people are getting a bit too high spirited, leave. Measure your comfort level throughout the evening.
You, of course, need to own your behaviors to be a responsible part host. Here are a few tips to accomplish that:
1.In your planning, be sure to include a nice variety of non-alcoholic drinks. Orange juice, tea, carbonated beverages, coffee, are some drinks you might consider. You can consider hiring a professional server who is experienced at monitoring intake of alcohol. This also relieves you from keeping an eye on the alcohol all night.
2.For those folks that you know don’t drink, reassure them that they can still have fun. Never force someone to “have a drink” if they don’t want one; they may be one of your friends that you didn’t know quit drinking.
3.Serve high-protein foods that stay in the stomach for a longtime. While this does not effect the pace the alcohol leaves the system, these types of foods will slow down the digestive process of the alcohol.
4.In the planning process include entertainment that includes participation which will slow down the consumption of alcohol. Even if people just choose to watch and not participate, drinking is usually slowed down.
5.Don’t let people drink and drive. Make sure that your guests know how you feel about drinking and driving. Identify designated drivers (DDs) as your guests arrive; don’t be afraid to ask for volunteers to be DDs as guests arrive.. Stop serving alcohol two hours before the party is over, but continue serving food and non-alcoholic beverages. Have the phone numbers ready for local cab companies.
So you see, Shena, having a successful party that involves alcohol is really a matter of everyone accepting their responsibility and being accountable for their own behavior.
Be well on your journey, and have a swell time at your party.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to: askmaxcolumn@yahoo.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry and read her blog at www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.
07/14/10
BIPOLAR
MAx Fabry is a regular contributor to a weekly column "ASK MAx" published in the SPRINGFIELD TIMES, Springfield, Oregon. The SPRINGFIELD TIMES is published weekly on Friday by S.J. Olson Publishing, Inc. This column is published on this blog by permission of the SPRINGFIELD TIMES. Visit their website at http://www.springfieldtimes.net.
_____________________________________________
Dear MAx,
Finally my daughter has made it into treatment for her alcohol and drug addiction! During a family session at the treatment center she is in we learned that she may be bi-polar. Would bi-polar explain my daughter’s addiction? I am not sure I totally understand what bi-polar is? If she is bi-polar, how do I help her?
Leslie
Dear Leslie,
Great questions for a common occurrence that happens during very early recovery: deflecting the problem by creating another problem. Some might say this is “hope”; others, like myself, may say “Let’s get through detox first.”
The “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders”, the DSM, is published by the American Psychiatric Association. The DSM sets the standard and criteria to classify mental disorders. This Manual is used by clinicians to develop a plan of action with the client to move toward a healthier lifestyle. As new information is gathered through research, the Manual is periodically updated.
Bi-polar and substance disorders are classified in the same DSM IV category under “Psychiatric Disorders”. The primary symptom in this category includes “a disturbance in mood”. These “disturbances” would include “inappropriate, exaggerated, or limited range of feelings…..feeling depressed, suicidal….or having excessive energy where sleep is not needed for days.”
As you can see by the symptoms listed, both bi-polar and substance addiction can look the same. The biggest difference is that one is “organic” and one is “self-induced.”
Researchers are still not sure what specifically causes bi-polar, but, most evidence points to genetics as the primary cause. There are varying degrees of bi-polar so the possibility of childhood abuse or trauma has not been ruled out as a cause factor. A third possible cause is fluctuations in body chemicals such as calcium, dopamine, and other neurochemical transmitters.
The same principles are applied with trying to understand the cause of substance addiction. Genetic? Environmental? Physiological?
Symptoms of bi-polar vary depending on the individual. However, the symptoms are identified in “manic” behavior and “depressant” behavior. Bi-polar people will often vacillate between manic and depressant.
“Manic” episodes might find the person with elevated self-esteem, a sense of self-centeredness, extremely talkative, spending too much money, making rash life decisions, promiscuous sex, use of drugs and/or alcohol, and a euphoric high. Hallucinations and delusions are often experienced.
“Depressant” behavior usually follows the manic highs as the person is faced with the consequences of their manic behaviors. Symptoms of this behavior include slowed mental and physical capabilities, extreme fatigue, difficulty concentrating, low energy levels, and feelings of despair. Suicidal ideations are common.
Again, the same behaviors are characteristic of addiction: self-centeredness, grandiose thinking, experiencing highs and lows depending on the substance used. Examples, alcohol is a depressant; drink enough alcohol, you will be depressed—don’t tell your doctor how much you are using, you will end up on anti-depressants. Cocaine use will cause the same emotional and physical highs and lows that correspond with bi-polar.
True bi-polar disorder, or any other psychiatric mood disorder, is difficult to diagnose while someone continues using, or while they are in, at least, the first year of recovery. Detox from alcohol and all other substances vary on the quantity used, length of use, method of use, and peak age of use. It can take the body a good 24 months to detox totally from alcohol dependence.
Leslie, the best approach for dealing with the information you have been given about your daughter is to educate yourself, ask questions, and seek a second opinion. Remember, knowledge is power; the more you know, the more you can help, and the easier it will be to support your daughter no matter what the diagnosis.
An excellent resource to learn more about bi-polar is the international Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, DBSA. This group is dedicated to helping people with mood disorders. In addition to local off shoots, they provide online support groups, discussion forums, and other information resources.
Worldwide millions of people are diagnosed with bi-polar. Many famous people have exemplified that this label can be overcome: Robin Williams, Ludwig Von Beethoven, Vincent Van Gogh, Buzz Aldrin, Peter Gabriel, Winston Chruchill, and Theodore Roosevelt are just some of the notables. If your daughter is, in fact, bi-polar, she will be in good company.
To learn everything you need to know about the latest information on substance abuse, visit the Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration, SAMHSA, at www.samhsa.gov.
No matter what label you are given, always be well and in awareness on your journey.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to: askmaxcolumn@yahoo.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry and read her blog at www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.
MAx Fabry is a regular contributor to a weekly column "ASK MAx" published in the SPRINGFIELD TIMES, Springfield, Oregon. The SPRINGFIELD TIMES is published weekly on Friday by S.J. Olson Publishing, Inc. This column is published on this blog by permission of the SPRINGFIELD TIMES. Visit their website at http://www.springfieldtimes.net.
_____________________________________________
Dear MAx,
Finally my daughter has made it into treatment for her alcohol and drug addiction! During a family session at the treatment center she is in we learned that she may be bi-polar. Would bi-polar explain my daughter’s addiction? I am not sure I totally understand what bi-polar is? If she is bi-polar, how do I help her?
Leslie
Dear Leslie,
Great questions for a common occurrence that happens during very early recovery: deflecting the problem by creating another problem. Some might say this is “hope”; others, like myself, may say “Let’s get through detox first.”
The “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders”, the DSM, is published by the American Psychiatric Association. The DSM sets the standard and criteria to classify mental disorders. This Manual is used by clinicians to develop a plan of action with the client to move toward a healthier lifestyle. As new information is gathered through research, the Manual is periodically updated.
Bi-polar and substance disorders are classified in the same DSM IV category under “Psychiatric Disorders”. The primary symptom in this category includes “a disturbance in mood”. These “disturbances” would include “inappropriate, exaggerated, or limited range of feelings…..feeling depressed, suicidal….or having excessive energy where sleep is not needed for days.”
As you can see by the symptoms listed, both bi-polar and substance addiction can look the same. The biggest difference is that one is “organic” and one is “self-induced.”
Researchers are still not sure what specifically causes bi-polar, but, most evidence points to genetics as the primary cause. There are varying degrees of bi-polar so the possibility of childhood abuse or trauma has not been ruled out as a cause factor. A third possible cause is fluctuations in body chemicals such as calcium, dopamine, and other neurochemical transmitters.
The same principles are applied with trying to understand the cause of substance addiction. Genetic? Environmental? Physiological?
Symptoms of bi-polar vary depending on the individual. However, the symptoms are identified in “manic” behavior and “depressant” behavior. Bi-polar people will often vacillate between manic and depressant.
“Manic” episodes might find the person with elevated self-esteem, a sense of self-centeredness, extremely talkative, spending too much money, making rash life decisions, promiscuous sex, use of drugs and/or alcohol, and a euphoric high. Hallucinations and delusions are often experienced.
“Depressant” behavior usually follows the manic highs as the person is faced with the consequences of their manic behaviors. Symptoms of this behavior include slowed mental and physical capabilities, extreme fatigue, difficulty concentrating, low energy levels, and feelings of despair. Suicidal ideations are common.
Again, the same behaviors are characteristic of addiction: self-centeredness, grandiose thinking, experiencing highs and lows depending on the substance used. Examples, alcohol is a depressant; drink enough alcohol, you will be depressed—don’t tell your doctor how much you are using, you will end up on anti-depressants. Cocaine use will cause the same emotional and physical highs and lows that correspond with bi-polar.
True bi-polar disorder, or any other psychiatric mood disorder, is difficult to diagnose while someone continues using, or while they are in, at least, the first year of recovery. Detox from alcohol and all other substances vary on the quantity used, length of use, method of use, and peak age of use. It can take the body a good 24 months to detox totally from alcohol dependence.
Leslie, the best approach for dealing with the information you have been given about your daughter is to educate yourself, ask questions, and seek a second opinion. Remember, knowledge is power; the more you know, the more you can help, and the easier it will be to support your daughter no matter what the diagnosis.
An excellent resource to learn more about bi-polar is the international Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, DBSA. This group is dedicated to helping people with mood disorders. In addition to local off shoots, they provide online support groups, discussion forums, and other information resources.
Worldwide millions of people are diagnosed with bi-polar. Many famous people have exemplified that this label can be overcome: Robin Williams, Ludwig Von Beethoven, Vincent Van Gogh, Buzz Aldrin, Peter Gabriel, Winston Chruchill, and Theodore Roosevelt are just some of the notables. If your daughter is, in fact, bi-polar, she will be in good company.
To learn everything you need to know about the latest information on substance abuse, visit the Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration, SAMHSA, at www.samhsa.gov.
No matter what label you are given, always be well and in awareness on your journey.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to: askmaxcolumn@yahoo.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry and read her blog at www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.