Archives for: May 2009
05/31/09
ADDICTION: BLACKOUT DRINKING
MAx Fabry is a regular contributor to a weekly column "ASK MAx" published in the SPRINGFIELD TIMES, Springfield, Oregon. The SPRINGFIELD TIMES is published weekly on Friday by S.J. Olson Publishing, Inc. This column is published on this blog by permission of the SPRINGFIELD TIMES. Visit their website at http://www.springfieldtimes.net.
_____________________________________________
Dear MAx,
My husband and I have only been married three years, I adore him and the little family we have started together. To the outside world we look like a happy couple with everything going for us—good jobs, nice home, great family and friends. The dark secret is that while my husband doesn’t drink all the time, when he does drink he goes into a paranoid-type violent blackout that totally disrupts our life. This last blackout ended with a knock down fight in a parking lot while I was trying to take the keys away from him. The police ended up arresting me instead of him because they “witnessed” me hitting him (in self-defense) and let him drive home! Eventually everything was weeded out, but at the cost of our marriage, our financial security, and probably psychological damage to our young son. He continues to deny that he has any kind of a drinking problem and says that he doesn’t even remember what happened that night. Even before the arrest I had sought out counseling; he doesn’t feel he needs any help. What is going on with this man?!
Abby
Dear Abby,
I am so sorry you had to have this very tragic experience. It was fortunate that you were already connected with a therapist so you had some professional support to guide you through all the events that happened.
It is difficult with the information provided what level of alcoholic your husband might be. The National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism identifies five subtypes of alcoholics: 19.5% are “functional”, 31.5% are “young adult”, 21% are “young antisocial, 19% are “intermediate familial” with mental illness, and only 9% are “chronic severe” stereotypical of the low-bottom alcoholic. Other experts in the field estimate that 75-90% of alcoholics are high-functioning. Treating high-functioning alcoholics is very challenging for addiction counselors because these individuals maintain their lives so well.
Your husband may be a high functioning alcoholic: someone that is in denial of being an alcoholic, has a well respected professional and personal life, lives a double life appearing to the world to be managing life well, and has not experienced tangible losses and/or consequences from drinking. Or he may not, an alcohol assessment by a professional could start to establish a diagnosis.
My biggest concern would be the blackouts and the fact that he claims not to remember what happens during the blackouts. A person in a blackout does not loose consciousness. Blackouts are often caused by rapidly consuming large amounts of alcohol that can interfere with the ability of the brain to form new memories. Because alcohol does not interfere with memories made, and information learned, prior to becoming intoxicated, outside observers, like police officers, are often unaware of the person’s true level of intoxication. A person in a blackout can still engage in goal-directed, voluntary, complicated behaviors like driving cars.
Contrary to some belief’s, blackouts alone is not an indicator that a person is addicted to alcohol. Research suggests evaluating alcohol dependence on just blackouts may be misleading; all the other signs of problem drinking must be taken into consideration to indicate the level of problem with alcohol.
Blackouts always need to be a cause for concern as they represent a dangerous state of impairment for the drinker as well as being a danger to themselves and others. In addition to an alcohol assessment, a complete physical would help to rule out any other potential physical causes for the blackouts.
Abbey, I can only imagine how confusing and frustrated this must be for you to be living through. Your husband’s denial will keep him from seeking treatment. You need to continue to work with your therapist to understand yourself and your own behavior of why you may be staying in an abusive relationship. And, take the time to educate yourself about alcoholism and blackouts. There are many good websites with research information, visit support meetings to understand what others are going through, and, most of all, always keep good boundaries for the safety of you and your child.
Be well on your journey.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry and read her blog at www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.
MAx Fabry is a regular contributor to a weekly column "ASK MAx" published in the SPRINGFIELD TIMES, Springfield, Oregon. The SPRINGFIELD TIMES is published weekly on Friday by S.J. Olson Publishing, Inc. This column is published on this blog by permission of the SPRINGFIELD TIMES. Visit their website at http://www.springfieldtimes.net.
_____________________________________________
Dear MAx,
My husband and I have only been married three years, I adore him and the little family we have started together. To the outside world we look like a happy couple with everything going for us—good jobs, nice home, great family and friends. The dark secret is that while my husband doesn’t drink all the time, when he does drink he goes into a paranoid-type violent blackout that totally disrupts our life. This last blackout ended with a knock down fight in a parking lot while I was trying to take the keys away from him. The police ended up arresting me instead of him because they “witnessed” me hitting him (in self-defense) and let him drive home! Eventually everything was weeded out, but at the cost of our marriage, our financial security, and probably psychological damage to our young son. He continues to deny that he has any kind of a drinking problem and says that he doesn’t even remember what happened that night. Even before the arrest I had sought out counseling; he doesn’t feel he needs any help. What is going on with this man?!
Abby
Dear Abby,
I am so sorry you had to have this very tragic experience. It was fortunate that you were already connected with a therapist so you had some professional support to guide you through all the events that happened.
It is difficult with the information provided what level of alcoholic your husband might be. The National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism identifies five subtypes of alcoholics: 19.5% are “functional”, 31.5% are “young adult”, 21% are “young antisocial, 19% are “intermediate familial” with mental illness, and only 9% are “chronic severe” stereotypical of the low-bottom alcoholic. Other experts in the field estimate that 75-90% of alcoholics are high-functioning. Treating high-functioning alcoholics is very challenging for addiction counselors because these individuals maintain their lives so well.
Your husband may be a high functioning alcoholic: someone that is in denial of being an alcoholic, has a well respected professional and personal life, lives a double life appearing to the world to be managing life well, and has not experienced tangible losses and/or consequences from drinking. Or he may not, an alcohol assessment by a professional could start to establish a diagnosis.
My biggest concern would be the blackouts and the fact that he claims not to remember what happens during the blackouts. A person in a blackout does not loose consciousness. Blackouts are often caused by rapidly consuming large amounts of alcohol that can interfere with the ability of the brain to form new memories. Because alcohol does not interfere with memories made, and information learned, prior to becoming intoxicated, outside observers, like police officers, are often unaware of the person’s true level of intoxication. A person in a blackout can still engage in goal-directed, voluntary, complicated behaviors like driving cars.
Contrary to some belief’s, blackouts alone is not an indicator that a person is addicted to alcohol. Research suggests evaluating alcohol dependence on just blackouts may be misleading; all the other signs of problem drinking must be taken into consideration to indicate the level of problem with alcohol.
Blackouts always need to be a cause for concern as they represent a dangerous state of impairment for the drinker as well as being a danger to themselves and others. In addition to an alcohol assessment, a complete physical would help to rule out any other potential physical causes for the blackouts.
Abbey, I can only imagine how confusing and frustrated this must be for you to be living through. Your husband’s denial will keep him from seeking treatment. You need to continue to work with your therapist to understand yourself and your own behavior of why you may be staying in an abusive relationship. And, take the time to educate yourself about alcoholism and blackouts. There are many good websites with research information, visit support meetings to understand what others are going through, and, most of all, always keep good boundaries for the safety of you and your child.
Be well on your journey.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry and read her blog at www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.
05/29/09
HOMELESS WOMEN
MAx Fabry is a regular contributor to a weekly column "ASK MAx" published in the SPRINGFIELD TIMES, Springfield, Oregon. The SPRINGFIELD TIMES is published weekly on Friday by S.J. Olson Publishing, Inc. This column is published on this blog by permission of the SPRINGFIELD TIMES. Visit their website at http://www.springfieldtimes.net.
_____________________________________________
Dear MAx,
I recently went to surprise my favorite aunt for her birthday. When I arrived at the address she had “just moved” to, the place was vacant. I called her on her cell phone and we agreed to meet at a local restaurant. As I parked next to her car I noticed that it was full of her belongings including a pillow and blankets on the passenger seat. During lunch my aunt confessed to me that she is homeless! My aunt just turned 58 years old, her husband died two years ago leaving huge medical bills that forced her into bankruptcy. She is employed part-time earning a meager salary and it has been difficult for her to find full time employment. Even though she makes enough to pay rent, she cannot qualify for apartments because of her credit and all the fees that must be paid to get into housing. In her town there is no assistance for women in her age and circumstances through public housing. Of course, I took my aunt home with me. But, what if she didn’t have me? What do women do when faced with this scenario?
Connie
Dear Connie,
Thank you so much for your letter that brings attention to a growing problem in the US: homeless single/widowed women.
Although there are millions of homeless men in the US, their plight, unfortunately, has almost become the “norm” for aging, addicted, unemployed, and/or mentally ill men. The guy holding a sign on the corner is no longer considered a “panhandler”, he is considered “working (at) that corner”. Women and even families are rapidly replacing that homeless “guy” on the corner.
Usually the reasons contributing to homelessness includes addiction, domestic abuse, unemployment, abandonment, and natural disasters. But a new population of homelessness is growing: single/widowed women with little to no residual savings, minimal paying jobs, and poor credit ratings due to unexpected life circumstances. It is estimated that the number of homeless women in the US increased from 14% in the late 1990’s to 26% last year.
Aging women racing toward their retirement years are becoming part of an invisible population of people living in their cars, under bridges, or in un-noticed tents. They come from middle class lifestyles. These women usually do not utilize shelters because of, not only safety concerns, but also “image” concerns. What if my family/friends find out I am homeless?
There are organizations that are attempting to address the housing situation but contributions have fallen off greatly since the economic turn of events. Public funding has been drastically cut since the late ‘90s offering little to no reimbursements to cities for subsidizing low-income housing. Because of the readjustment within the real estate market, private owners are reluctant to participate in providing low-income housing.
Consider this: the baby-boomers, born 1946 to 1964, are the largest population in the world. Within the baby-boomer demographic, there are more women then men. Women usually outlive their spouses. Women are paid less then men. Women are under insured. Many women over 55 years old fall into that category just-one-paycheck-away from loosing their homes. As the baby-boomer women age, they risk joining that invisible homeless group.
Connie, I am so proud of you for inviting your aunt into your home and that you are willing to support her. I also thank you, again, for bringing to light the plight of women at the “certain age” between homelessness and retirement.
Contacting the National Coalition for the Homeless for more information and statistics. YOU can stand up and make a difference by getting involved.
Be well on your journey.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry at www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
MAx Fabry is a regular contributor to a weekly column "ASK MAx" published in the SPRINGFIELD TIMES, Springfield, Oregon. The SPRINGFIELD TIMES is published weekly on Friday by S.J. Olson Publishing, Inc. This column is published on this blog by permission of the SPRINGFIELD TIMES. Visit their website at http://www.springfieldtimes.net.
_____________________________________________
Dear MAx,
I recently went to surprise my favorite aunt for her birthday. When I arrived at the address she had “just moved” to, the place was vacant. I called her on her cell phone and we agreed to meet at a local restaurant. As I parked next to her car I noticed that it was full of her belongings including a pillow and blankets on the passenger seat. During lunch my aunt confessed to me that she is homeless! My aunt just turned 58 years old, her husband died two years ago leaving huge medical bills that forced her into bankruptcy. She is employed part-time earning a meager salary and it has been difficult for her to find full time employment. Even though she makes enough to pay rent, she cannot qualify for apartments because of her credit and all the fees that must be paid to get into housing. In her town there is no assistance for women in her age and circumstances through public housing. Of course, I took my aunt home with me. But, what if she didn’t have me? What do women do when faced with this scenario?
Connie
Dear Connie,
Thank you so much for your letter that brings attention to a growing problem in the US: homeless single/widowed women.
Although there are millions of homeless men in the US, their plight, unfortunately, has almost become the “norm” for aging, addicted, unemployed, and/or mentally ill men. The guy holding a sign on the corner is no longer considered a “panhandler”, he is considered “working (at) that corner”. Women and even families are rapidly replacing that homeless “guy” on the corner.
Usually the reasons contributing to homelessness includes addiction, domestic abuse, unemployment, abandonment, and natural disasters. But a new population of homelessness is growing: single/widowed women with little to no residual savings, minimal paying jobs, and poor credit ratings due to unexpected life circumstances. It is estimated that the number of homeless women in the US increased from 14% in the late 1990’s to 26% last year.
Aging women racing toward their retirement years are becoming part of an invisible population of people living in their cars, under bridges, or in un-noticed tents. They come from middle class lifestyles. These women usually do not utilize shelters because of, not only safety concerns, but also “image” concerns. What if my family/friends find out I am homeless?
There are organizations that are attempting to address the housing situation but contributions have fallen off greatly since the economic turn of events. Public funding has been drastically cut since the late ‘90s offering little to no reimbursements to cities for subsidizing low-income housing. Because of the readjustment within the real estate market, private owners are reluctant to participate in providing low-income housing.
Consider this: the baby-boomers, born 1946 to 1964, are the largest population in the world. Within the baby-boomer demographic, there are more women then men. Women usually outlive their spouses. Women are paid less then men. Women are under insured. Many women over 55 years old fall into that category just-one-paycheck-away from loosing their homes. As the baby-boomer women age, they risk joining that invisible homeless group.
Connie, I am so proud of you for inviting your aunt into your home and that you are willing to support her. I also thank you, again, for bringing to light the plight of women at the “certain age” between homelessness and retirement.
Contacting the National Coalition for the Homeless for more information and statistics. YOU can stand up and make a difference by getting involved.
Be well on your journey.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry at www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
05/28/09
ADDICTION: COOKIE CUTTER TREATMENT
MAx Fabry is a regular contributor to a weekly column "ASK MAx" published in the SPRINGFIELD TIMES, Springfield, Oregon. The SPRINGFIELD TIMES is published weekly on Friday by S.J. Olson Publishing, Inc. This column is published on this blog by permission of the SPRINGFIELD TIMES. Visit their website at http://www.springfieldtimes.net.
_____________________________________________
Dear MAx,
I have been trying to recover from alcohol and drugs for over ten years. I stop for a while, get comfortable with my life of not using, and try to move on. But, it seems I continue to go down the same old road over and over. I am back and forth, in and out of 12 step programs. I do everything my sponsor tells me, and, still I don’t make it. Everybody else in the program seems to make it; why don’t I?
Stan
Dear Stan,
Addiction is not the same for everyone, and, there is no cookie cutter way of treating addiction. It must be very frustrating for you perceiving that “everybody else” is recovering and you aren’t. What if everybody else isn’t recovering? What if there are people in the program that are struggling as much as you?
The 12-step programs have saved the lives of many addicted people; but the program doesn’t necessarily work for everyone. It is difficult to scientifically study an anonymous program. However, most of the data available indicates that success rates of people attending 12 step meetings ranges from 3% to 50%--not everybody in 12 step is recovering.
Remember that the beginning of the 12-step movement was started in 1937 with Alcoholics Anonymous. During the turn of the 20th century alcoholics and drug addicts were treated as social outcasts—often admitted into mental institutions for the bleakest of treatments offered the mentally ill in that time of history. AA gave both addicts and their loved ones hope. Over the decades, the program has been tweaked here and there convoluting the original program, but people continue to attend.
Today, at the start of the 21st century, we know so much more about mental illness, the body, and, most of all, the brain. I am sure if Dr. Bob and Bill W, the founders of AA, were putting a program together today they would use the information available to encourage other options.
Data indicates that most successful recovery happens due to a persons will to stop. An article in the Harvard Mental Health Newsletter reports that 80% “of the people who successfully quit drinking for a year or more….do it alone, all by themselves…” Treatment and support are useful, and, probably plants seeds that grow to the realization that addiction will kill you. The biggest indicator of success is an individual’s will to stop.
There are other options available to address your willingness to change: other non-12 step support groups, such as religious based programs; individual professional non-12 step counselors; and, most importantly, deciding that YOU really want to STOP!
As an addiction counselor, I see the process of changing addiction lifestyle to a healthy lifestyle as being three tiered: abstinence, recovery, healing. I believe that no matter what option you choose to change your life you need to take into consideration physical fitness, emotional therapy, and spiritual and/or religious connectiveness: mind, body, spirit.
Stan, you said that you have been trying to recover for ten years. You obviously have the will to change that has brought you abstinence and short-term recovery. Perhaps you just need another person to help you move from the familiar lifestyle of addiction into the unknown lifestyle of living healthy. You might want to consider consulting with an addiction counselor that can help you move from abstinence to recovery to healing.
Be well on your journey.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions and comments to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail to maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry and read her blog at www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.
MAx Fabry is a regular contributor to a weekly column "ASK MAx" published in the SPRINGFIELD TIMES, Springfield, Oregon. The SPRINGFIELD TIMES is published weekly on Friday by S.J. Olson Publishing, Inc. This column is published on this blog by permission of the SPRINGFIELD TIMES. Visit their website at http://www.springfieldtimes.net.
_____________________________________________
Dear MAx,
I have been trying to recover from alcohol and drugs for over ten years. I stop for a while, get comfortable with my life of not using, and try to move on. But, it seems I continue to go down the same old road over and over. I am back and forth, in and out of 12 step programs. I do everything my sponsor tells me, and, still I don’t make it. Everybody else in the program seems to make it; why don’t I?
Stan
Dear Stan,
Addiction is not the same for everyone, and, there is no cookie cutter way of treating addiction. It must be very frustrating for you perceiving that “everybody else” is recovering and you aren’t. What if everybody else isn’t recovering? What if there are people in the program that are struggling as much as you?
The 12-step programs have saved the lives of many addicted people; but the program doesn’t necessarily work for everyone. It is difficult to scientifically study an anonymous program. However, most of the data available indicates that success rates of people attending 12 step meetings ranges from 3% to 50%--not everybody in 12 step is recovering.
Remember that the beginning of the 12-step movement was started in 1937 with Alcoholics Anonymous. During the turn of the 20th century alcoholics and drug addicts were treated as social outcasts—often admitted into mental institutions for the bleakest of treatments offered the mentally ill in that time of history. AA gave both addicts and their loved ones hope. Over the decades, the program has been tweaked here and there convoluting the original program, but people continue to attend.
Today, at the start of the 21st century, we know so much more about mental illness, the body, and, most of all, the brain. I am sure if Dr. Bob and Bill W, the founders of AA, were putting a program together today they would use the information available to encourage other options.
Data indicates that most successful recovery happens due to a persons will to stop. An article in the Harvard Mental Health Newsletter reports that 80% “of the people who successfully quit drinking for a year or more….do it alone, all by themselves…” Treatment and support are useful, and, probably plants seeds that grow to the realization that addiction will kill you. The biggest indicator of success is an individual’s will to stop.
There are other options available to address your willingness to change: other non-12 step support groups, such as religious based programs; individual professional non-12 step counselors; and, most importantly, deciding that YOU really want to STOP!
As an addiction counselor, I see the process of changing addiction lifestyle to a healthy lifestyle as being three tiered: abstinence, recovery, healing. I believe that no matter what option you choose to change your life you need to take into consideration physical fitness, emotional therapy, and spiritual and/or religious connectiveness: mind, body, spirit.
Stan, you said that you have been trying to recover for ten years. You obviously have the will to change that has brought you abstinence and short-term recovery. Perhaps you just need another person to help you move from the familiar lifestyle of addiction into the unknown lifestyle of living healthy. You might want to consider consulting with an addiction counselor that can help you move from abstinence to recovery to healing.
Be well on your journey.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions and comments to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail to maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry and read her blog at www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.
05/27/09
SAM VI: Love, Health and Career
SAM is one of the souls I have been privileged to meet along my life's journey. As we walk on the same path together, I have invited Sam to be a guest blogger with the hope that he will realize his spirit, inspire others, and recognize his purpose. -- This is his journey. Your comments will be forwarded to him from MaxFabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com
------------------------------------------------------------
SAM VI: Love, Health and Career
Love
Well I decided to save the best for last. Life in this area just keeps getting better and better. I am learning so much about this area of my life. It is amazing how when I put an intention out there and focus my attention on it without putting expectations on the outcomes, the universe seems to put things in my life that I could not have imagined in my wildest dreams. I met a woman nearly 6 months ago as a casual acquaintance. She lives in another state but had plans to move to where I live and so we became friends exchanging info regarding the city I live in and basic info regarding each other. Over the past 6 months the relationship has blossomed into one that I was not planning on having. Yet I had put it out to the universe that I wanted a relationship like it one day and that I was open to it happening whenever it was time. Well it is time--for the universe has brought it to me! The woman I met and I started out sending emails and talking on a regular daily basis about many different subjects. It has progressed to the point where we not only email but also talk on the phone every night sharing many details of our lives, our dreams, our desires and other aspects of life. We share so much in common and the connection we have continues to grow. Our connection became well established early on as we both felt a "pull" towards the other that we could not explain. We actually met a couple of months ago in a town halfway between each other and spent a day or two together. It was amazing the feelings and connection we had from the very start. I was not sure anything like this was ever going to happen to me again in my life and so was very amazed and surprised and overjoyed when it did. Once again the universe provides what we put our intention and attention on. Sometimes slowly sometimes quickly, yet it seems like it always happens. I was not expecting to fall in love so soon, nor did I think I deserved it, but for some reason it is happening. My challenge in this area is to allow the love to happen the way the universe wants it to unfold. I face challenges of patience, acceptance and awareness on a daily basis in this area. It is more than I could have dreamed of and more than I expected 7 months ago when I let go and put it out to the universe what I intended and wanted in this area. I have learned a lot about what love is and what love is not in the past 6 months. I have heard it said that one cannot truly love others until they love themself. It seems that is the case--for since I have begun to love myself I find that the love in all my other relationships has deepened. I have many different relationships today and I find that my heart is opening wider and wider with each day in regards to the love I feel in all of them whether that be family, friends or my relationship with my partner. They have all deepened over the past 6 months and when I come from a place of love versus fear they seem to grow. For so many years I lived in a fear based lifestyle. I no longer choose to live there. I choose today to live in a place of love. I choose a love based lifestyle, one that sees the beauty of life and the possibilities that love brings in all my relationships. I deserve love today; as do we all. I am allowing love in my life today. I keep learning more about love and have a companion today. Someone to walk the path of love today. Someone who sees me for who I am and loves me, all of me; and who I see all of them and love all of them. WE are here for each other to support, love, learn and grow with each other. This in turn teaches me how to love others and thereby create a more harmonious world one day at a time in the now! Sooooo the journey continues...what will happen next? Tune in for another episode of the Journeys of Sam and find out! Take care all, namaste and peace to you all! Be well along the path! ;)
SAM is one of the souls I have been privileged to meet along my life's journey. As we walk on the same path together, I have invited Sam to be a guest blogger with the hope that he will realize his spirit, inspire others, and recognize his purpose. -- This is his journey. Your comments will be forwarded to him from MaxFabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com
------------------------------------------------------------
SAM VI: Love, Health and Career
Love
Well I decided to save the best for last. Life in this area just keeps getting better and better. I am learning so much about this area of my life. It is amazing how when I put an intention out there and focus my attention on it without putting expectations on the outcomes, the universe seems to put things in my life that I could not have imagined in my wildest dreams. I met a woman nearly 6 months ago as a casual acquaintance. She lives in another state but had plans to move to where I live and so we became friends exchanging info regarding the city I live in and basic info regarding each other. Over the past 6 months the relationship has blossomed into one that I was not planning on having. Yet I had put it out to the universe that I wanted a relationship like it one day and that I was open to it happening whenever it was time. Well it is time--for the universe has brought it to me! The woman I met and I started out sending emails and talking on a regular daily basis about many different subjects. It has progressed to the point where we not only email but also talk on the phone every night sharing many details of our lives, our dreams, our desires and other aspects of life. We share so much in common and the connection we have continues to grow. Our connection became well established early on as we both felt a "pull" towards the other that we could not explain. We actually met a couple of months ago in a town halfway between each other and spent a day or two together. It was amazing the feelings and connection we had from the very start. I was not sure anything like this was ever going to happen to me again in my life and so was very amazed and surprised and overjoyed when it did. Once again the universe provides what we put our intention and attention on. Sometimes slowly sometimes quickly, yet it seems like it always happens. I was not expecting to fall in love so soon, nor did I think I deserved it, but for some reason it is happening. My challenge in this area is to allow the love to happen the way the universe wants it to unfold. I face challenges of patience, acceptance and awareness on a daily basis in this area. It is more than I could have dreamed of and more than I expected 7 months ago when I let go and put it out to the universe what I intended and wanted in this area. I have learned a lot about what love is and what love is not in the past 6 months. I have heard it said that one cannot truly love others until they love themself. It seems that is the case--for since I have begun to love myself I find that the love in all my other relationships has deepened. I have many different relationships today and I find that my heart is opening wider and wider with each day in regards to the love I feel in all of them whether that be family, friends or my relationship with my partner. They have all deepened over the past 6 months and when I come from a place of love versus fear they seem to grow. For so many years I lived in a fear based lifestyle. I no longer choose to live there. I choose today to live in a place of love. I choose a love based lifestyle, one that sees the beauty of life and the possibilities that love brings in all my relationships. I deserve love today; as do we all. I am allowing love in my life today. I keep learning more about love and have a companion today. Someone to walk the path of love today. Someone who sees me for who I am and loves me, all of me; and who I see all of them and love all of them. WE are here for each other to support, love, learn and grow with each other. This in turn teaches me how to love others and thereby create a more harmonious world one day at a time in the now! Sooooo the journey continues...what will happen next? Tune in for another episode of the Journeys of Sam and find out! Take care all, namaste and peace to you all! Be well along the path! ;)
05/26/09
SAM V: Love, Health and Career
SAM is one of the souls I have been privileged to meet along my life's journey. As we walk on the same path together, I have invited Sam to be a guest blogger with the hope that he will realize his spirit, inspire others, and recognize his purpose. -- This is his journey. Your comments will be forwarded to him from MaxFabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com
------------------------------------------------------------
SAM V: Love, Health and Career
Health
Health eh? Well when i wrote about this in my last blog I thought I was talking about physical stuff, but I have been made aware of all the areas of health, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. I will start with physical first I guess. ;) My physical health seems to be improving day by day. Working out about 5-6 times a week for about an hour or so each day has begun to show results. I feel better, I look better and my body seems to be enjoying the exercise. The exercise that I have been doing has also affected my mental attitude in a better way also. I think clearer and am more alert. I find myself being more centered and focused in all areas. I think the discipline and the biochemistry has been a blessing to my mental state and also has made me more aware of things that I need to keep working on. It also has increased my self esteem to see myself committing to something and the results that come from that. Emotionally I seem more in touch with things, more aware and more sensitive. I am becoming more emotionally stable and centered it seems. I feel things more clearly and am more aware of how working out brings up feelings or allows them to be unlocked. I am getting in touch with many feelings: joy, anger, sadness, excitement, anticipation of happiness instead of pain. My attitude and emotional status has changed as a direct result of working out. Which brings us to the spiritual aspects of this area. This area is one in which I have always been a seeker, a searcher and very curious. Working out has really brought up some issues for me spiritually. It has got me in touch with such things as reality, impermanence and how amazing life is in the grand scheme of things. Hmmmm sounds kinda vague and cryptic? lol While I am working out I get into a meditative state. It is the focusing and the breathing. It is like Yoga, which I have plans to integrate into my work out regime, more on that later. The focusing and breathing tho has had definite spiritual components to my health. I have also been reading a lot of books on spiritual matters, most notably a lot of Deepak Chopra, he seems to speak to me lately. What he says resonates with me, but there are others too, Ernest Holmes being one! I have recently acquired a copy of Deepak's book the “Seven Spiritual Laws of Yoga”. It is helping me to see the mind, body and spirit connection and how they all fit together. Interesting reading, I recommend it! So that is kinda where I am at with health right now! I am sure that there will be more to share as time goes by! Just taking action helps, it is spiritual to take action in this area even if it is very small steps, it all adds up! Tune in for another episode of the Journeys of Sam and find out! Take care all, namaste and peace to you all! Be well along the path! ;)
SAM is one of the souls I have been privileged to meet along my life's journey. As we walk on the same path together, I have invited Sam to be a guest blogger with the hope that he will realize his spirit, inspire others, and recognize his purpose. -- This is his journey. Your comments will be forwarded to him from MaxFabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com
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SAM V: Love, Health and Career
Health
Health eh? Well when i wrote about this in my last blog I thought I was talking about physical stuff, but I have been made aware of all the areas of health, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. I will start with physical first I guess. ;) My physical health seems to be improving day by day. Working out about 5-6 times a week for about an hour or so each day has begun to show results. I feel better, I look better and my body seems to be enjoying the exercise. The exercise that I have been doing has also affected my mental attitude in a better way also. I think clearer and am more alert. I find myself being more centered and focused in all areas. I think the discipline and the biochemistry has been a blessing to my mental state and also has made me more aware of things that I need to keep working on. It also has increased my self esteem to see myself committing to something and the results that come from that. Emotionally I seem more in touch with things, more aware and more sensitive. I am becoming more emotionally stable and centered it seems. I feel things more clearly and am more aware of how working out brings up feelings or allows them to be unlocked. I am getting in touch with many feelings: joy, anger, sadness, excitement, anticipation of happiness instead of pain. My attitude and emotional status has changed as a direct result of working out. Which brings us to the spiritual aspects of this area. This area is one in which I have always been a seeker, a searcher and very curious. Working out has really brought up some issues for me spiritually. It has got me in touch with such things as reality, impermanence and how amazing life is in the grand scheme of things. Hmmmm sounds kinda vague and cryptic? lol While I am working out I get into a meditative state. It is the focusing and the breathing. It is like Yoga, which I have plans to integrate into my work out regime, more on that later. The focusing and breathing tho has had definite spiritual components to my health. I have also been reading a lot of books on spiritual matters, most notably a lot of Deepak Chopra, he seems to speak to me lately. What he says resonates with me, but there are others too, Ernest Holmes being one! I have recently acquired a copy of Deepak's book the “Seven Spiritual Laws of Yoga”. It is helping me to see the mind, body and spirit connection and how they all fit together. Interesting reading, I recommend it! So that is kinda where I am at with health right now! I am sure that there will be more to share as time goes by! Just taking action helps, it is spiritual to take action in this area even if it is very small steps, it all adds up! Tune in for another episode of the Journeys of Sam and find out! Take care all, namaste and peace to you all! Be well along the path! ;)
05/25/09
SAM IV: Love, Health and Career
SAM is one of the souls I have been privileged to meet along my life's journey. As we walk on the same path together, I have invited Sam to be a guest blogger with the hope that he will realize his spirit, inspire others, and recognize his purpose. This is his journey. Your comments will be forwarded to him from MaxFabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com
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Hmmmmmm well there are always new developments in the areas of love, health and career. I promised in my last blog to go into more details regarding these areas of my life-- so here we go. Should I start with Love first or save the best for last? Hmmmmmm?
Career
Well I think I will start with career first and proceed in reverse order. My career is becoming less obvious to me than it was before. I have so many options and desires in this area than in other areas. I still have my job in the culinary/restaurant area and am about to venture back into another area. I also have other desires and dreams to do something in the future. The culinary job has turned out to be more intriguing and perplexing in some ways, but the universe always gives me what I need to learn and grow so I am definitely seeing this as a growth opportunity. I was hired originally as a Cook, but have since been guided into a different type of work. In two weeks i went to being trained to training and hiring others. It seems as if I am being reassigned into more managerial responsibilities. Hmmmm not exactly what I thought would happen, but, hey I am flexible like the willow. lol Thanks Mr. Miyagi, Yoda and several other spiritual avatars lol. The challenge comes when I start to take control. I am being told to take control from people who are not so eager to give me the control they say they want me to have. Interesting conundrum eh? So it requires me to be diplomatic. I have begun to implement some things into the new job and have encountered resistance, sometimes outright sometimes covert. It is a new challenge for me but one in which I am beginning to learn many lessons about regarding life, the universe and of course myself. So i continue to experience, learn and grow in all areas. The cook experience is definitely teaching me about assertiveness and diplomacy. ;) And the other career/job? Well, have been waiting for a few weeks for paperwork to get taken care of and playing phone tag with people regarding the official start date, but it seems as if this will be resolved in the next few days so that is taking care of itself. I just have to be patient and keep doing the next thing in front of me. I have noticed, though, with the new job comes a new schedule that I have not yet got straightened out. I have less time to do some of the things I like to do, so there has been some compromise and restructuring of priorities. More on that later but suffice to say that this has required me to take stock of what is most important in my life and what do I need to keep my intention and attention on. The universe is always teaching me! My attention and intentions are what I need to keep in touch with in all areas and career is definitely a part of that. What are my intentions in this area and what am I focusing on? What I focus on the universe gives me. So the challenge is to focus on the positive. Suffice it to say that more will be revealed in this area and I will continue to learn and I will continue to blog/write about it...so dear readers, if anyone is reading this, stay tuned for what Sam will do next. ;) Tune in for another episode of the Journeys of Sam and find out! Take care all, namaste and peace to you all! Be well along the path! ;)
SAM is one of the souls I have been privileged to meet along my life's journey. As we walk on the same path together, I have invited Sam to be a guest blogger with the hope that he will realize his spirit, inspire others, and recognize his purpose. This is his journey. Your comments will be forwarded to him from MaxFabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com
--------------------------------------------------------------
Hmmmmmm well there are always new developments in the areas of love, health and career. I promised in my last blog to go into more details regarding these areas of my life-- so here we go. Should I start with Love first or save the best for last? Hmmmmmm?
Career
Well I think I will start with career first and proceed in reverse order. My career is becoming less obvious to me than it was before. I have so many options and desires in this area than in other areas. I still have my job in the culinary/restaurant area and am about to venture back into another area. I also have other desires and dreams to do something in the future. The culinary job has turned out to be more intriguing and perplexing in some ways, but the universe always gives me what I need to learn and grow so I am definitely seeing this as a growth opportunity. I was hired originally as a Cook, but have since been guided into a different type of work. In two weeks i went to being trained to training and hiring others. It seems as if I am being reassigned into more managerial responsibilities. Hmmmm not exactly what I thought would happen, but, hey I am flexible like the willow. lol Thanks Mr. Miyagi, Yoda and several other spiritual avatars lol. The challenge comes when I start to take control. I am being told to take control from people who are not so eager to give me the control they say they want me to have. Interesting conundrum eh? So it requires me to be diplomatic. I have begun to implement some things into the new job and have encountered resistance, sometimes outright sometimes covert. It is a new challenge for me but one in which I am beginning to learn many lessons about regarding life, the universe and of course myself. So i continue to experience, learn and grow in all areas. The cook experience is definitely teaching me about assertiveness and diplomacy. ;) And the other career/job? Well, have been waiting for a few weeks for paperwork to get taken care of and playing phone tag with people regarding the official start date, but it seems as if this will be resolved in the next few days so that is taking care of itself. I just have to be patient and keep doing the next thing in front of me. I have noticed, though, with the new job comes a new schedule that I have not yet got straightened out. I have less time to do some of the things I like to do, so there has been some compromise and restructuring of priorities. More on that later but suffice to say that this has required me to take stock of what is most important in my life and what do I need to keep my intention and attention on. The universe is always teaching me! My attention and intentions are what I need to keep in touch with in all areas and career is definitely a part of that. What are my intentions in this area and what am I focusing on? What I focus on the universe gives me. So the challenge is to focus on the positive. Suffice it to say that more will be revealed in this area and I will continue to learn and I will continue to blog/write about it...so dear readers, if anyone is reading this, stay tuned for what Sam will do next. ;) Tune in for another episode of the Journeys of Sam and find out! Take care all, namaste and peace to you all! Be well along the path! ;)