Archives for: April 2009
04/29/09
Sam III: SURRENDER TO THE UNIVERSE
Well this week has been kind of interesting. It seems like the more I ask for, the more I get. Hmmmm interesting the way that works. My life has gotten much fuller than it was a few weeks ago. I know that I asked for all this, but I was not sure I was going to get it. It seems like my life gets filled up pretty quickly these days. I work, work out, read, write, talk with some friends and the day is over. I am not complaining at all, just making an observation of how things can change relatively quickly. A few weeks ago I had a lot of free time, now it seems to be pretty filled with Life! I am being given opportunities that I did not think would happen so quickly. The Universe is quicker than I thought it would be. All these gifts have put me in a place where I am required to make some changes that are good for me and that I might not have made had these "gifts" not been given. In the last 6 months I have experienced many life-changing events that I would not have believed possible. My life continues to amaze me and the gifts of the universe seem to come quickly to me. I feel as though my life has changed at the speed of NASCAR.(Daytona here I come! ;) I have been experiencing many changes and the enlightenments keep comin with no ending in sight. My personal life has changed in so many ways. It is almost kind of like passover. I feel free and with that freedom comes a great deal of responsibility and power. Where do I go from here? Well I have begun to piece together a road map of sorts. It is amazing how when I follow my intuition and focus my attention on things that it all seems to work out. Coincidence? I think not. Love, health and career are the dreams I have these days and it seems as if things are happening in all those areas. I let go of things and they just seem to happen. I feel lighter and more free! I dont have to take charge anymore. The universe seems to be totally capable of handing these things without my help. Hmmmmm I surrender and things get better? hmmmmmm Surrender to win? Let go and let....anyone or anything else? Everytime I let go/surrender and give in to the power outside of myself it seems that things go better and I feel less stress. I have given up in the three areas mentioned above and things have happened that I would not have dreamed could happen. Lets take Love first. I let go of looking and the universe placed the woman of my dreams in my path. Did i realize it as first? No but it is happening none the less. There is a lot of work to be done yet and maybe next blog I will go into more details, but suffice it to say that it is happening better than I could have planned it. I did not even plan this happening. And yet it is! Coincidence? I think not!
Health comes next in the order. I recently gave up drinking, smoking and well other self destructive habits involving eating or not eating very well. About 1 week after i quit smoking I got a free membership to a local gym where i have been working out approximately 5-6 days a week since i got the membership. My health seems better, physical as well as mental and emotional and oh yea spiritual too. I have begun to "feel" better in all those areas. So is this a coincidence? I think not! And we already know about the job/career thing. I have recently been given 2 part time jobs where I had none a couple of weeks ago. All because of just practicing a few simple principles regarding letting go, surrendering/quitting the fighting and getting out of my way. I recently turned 50 years old. A couple of weeks ago I was not sure if I was happy about it or dreading it. Today I see it for what it is. A milepost, an indicator, a turning point in my life. I look at life a lot differently now and am seeing things in a new light. A coincidence? I think not. My life is continuing to astound, amaze and pleasantly surprise me. Is this the Universe's revenge? Hmmmm I think not. I am surrounded today with many blessings that I could not see a few weeks, a few months, a few years ago. And all it takes is a little intention, attention, and action. Hmmmmm. I recently heard that everything begins with a thought and for our dreams to come true all we need to do is to imagine what are dreams are, put our attention on them and do what comes in front of us to make them manifest in our lives. It seems to be working in my life and I think it could work in yours. What do we have to lose but a little bit of time.....Next time I will go into more details about Love, Health and Career....until then be well, namaste and peace to all! ;)
SAM is one of the souls I have been privileged to meet along my life's journey. As we walk on the same path together, I have invited Sam to be a guest blogger with the hope that he will realize his spirit, inspire others, and recognize his purpose. This is the beginning of this part of his journey. Your comments will be forwarded to him.
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, at http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.
Well this week has been kind of interesting. It seems like the more I ask for, the more I get. Hmmmm interesting the way that works. My life has gotten much fuller than it was a few weeks ago. I know that I asked for all this, but I was not sure I was going to get it. It seems like my life gets filled up pretty quickly these days. I work, work out, read, write, talk with some friends and the day is over. I am not complaining at all, just making an observation of how things can change relatively quickly. A few weeks ago I had a lot of free time, now it seems to be pretty filled with Life! I am being given opportunities that I did not think would happen so quickly. The Universe is quicker than I thought it would be. All these gifts have put me in a place where I am required to make some changes that are good for me and that I might not have made had these "gifts" not been given. In the last 6 months I have experienced many life-changing events that I would not have believed possible. My life continues to amaze me and the gifts of the universe seem to come quickly to me. I feel as though my life has changed at the speed of NASCAR.(Daytona here I come! ;) I have been experiencing many changes and the enlightenments keep comin with no ending in sight. My personal life has changed in so many ways. It is almost kind of like passover. I feel free and with that freedom comes a great deal of responsibility and power. Where do I go from here? Well I have begun to piece together a road map of sorts. It is amazing how when I follow my intuition and focus my attention on things that it all seems to work out. Coincidence? I think not. Love, health and career are the dreams I have these days and it seems as if things are happening in all those areas. I let go of things and they just seem to happen. I feel lighter and more free! I dont have to take charge anymore. The universe seems to be totally capable of handing these things without my help. Hmmmmm I surrender and things get better? hmmmmmm Surrender to win? Let go and let....anyone or anything else? Everytime I let go/surrender and give in to the power outside of myself it seems that things go better and I feel less stress. I have given up in the three areas mentioned above and things have happened that I would not have dreamed could happen. Lets take Love first. I let go of looking and the universe placed the woman of my dreams in my path. Did i realize it as first? No but it is happening none the less. There is a lot of work to be done yet and maybe next blog I will go into more details, but suffice it to say that it is happening better than I could have planned it. I did not even plan this happening. And yet it is! Coincidence? I think not!
Health comes next in the order. I recently gave up drinking, smoking and well other self destructive habits involving eating or not eating very well. About 1 week after i quit smoking I got a free membership to a local gym where i have been working out approximately 5-6 days a week since i got the membership. My health seems better, physical as well as mental and emotional and oh yea spiritual too. I have begun to "feel" better in all those areas. So is this a coincidence? I think not! And we already know about the job/career thing. I have recently been given 2 part time jobs where I had none a couple of weeks ago. All because of just practicing a few simple principles regarding letting go, surrendering/quitting the fighting and getting out of my way. I recently turned 50 years old. A couple of weeks ago I was not sure if I was happy about it or dreading it. Today I see it for what it is. A milepost, an indicator, a turning point in my life. I look at life a lot differently now and am seeing things in a new light. A coincidence? I think not. My life is continuing to astound, amaze and pleasantly surprise me. Is this the Universe's revenge? Hmmmm I think not. I am surrounded today with many blessings that I could not see a few weeks, a few months, a few years ago. And all it takes is a little intention, attention, and action. Hmmmmm. I recently heard that everything begins with a thought and for our dreams to come true all we need to do is to imagine what are dreams are, put our attention on them and do what comes in front of us to make them manifest in our lives. It seems to be working in my life and I think it could work in yours. What do we have to lose but a little bit of time.....Next time I will go into more details about Love, Health and Career....until then be well, namaste and peace to all! ;)
SAM is one of the souls I have been privileged to meet along my life's journey. As we walk on the same path together, I have invited Sam to be a guest blogger with the hope that he will realize his spirit, inspire others, and recognize his purpose. This is the beginning of this part of his journey. Your comments will be forwarded to him.
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, at http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.
04/27/09
METHAMPHETAMINE
MAx Fabry is a regular contributor to a weekly column "ASK MAx" published in the SPRINGFIELD TIMES, Springfield, Oregon. The SPRINGFIELD TIMES is published weekly on Friday by S.J. Olson Publishing, Inc. This column is published on this blog by permission of the SPRINGFIELD TIMES. Visit their website at http://www.springfieldtimes.net.
_____________________________________________
Dear MAx,
My daughter used meth for ten years. She is in recovery now but she seems to have gotten high blood pressure from using this drug. Can you tell me what the stroke risk is for my daughter?
Rayanne
Dear Rayanne,
It would be difficult to say what the “stroke risk is for (your) daughter” because I don’t have enough information about her. In addition to the damage the methamphetamine abuse did to her, there would also be genetic history to take into consideration. Your daughter’s primary care physician would better be able to assess her condition.
Methamphetamine, “meth”, is one of the most insidious drugs because it is so easily available, and because it is such an incredible threat to innocent bystanders. If someone wants it and can’t buy it, they can “cook” it themselves. My husband and I once purchased a house that had been used to cook methamphetamine; we didn’t know anything about the drug until I almost died from inhaling the residual fumes. Facilities—homes, motels, any structure or campsite—that are used to cook meth contaminate the entire facility. The fumes seep into drywall, flooring, and fabrics; the odor produced is like cat urine. There is no way to de-contaminate these facilities.
Pharmaceutical meth was once widely available in this country; however, the medical use for meth today is very restricted. Almost all of the meth being used today is homemade. Meth resembles a fine coarse powder, crystal, or chunks; it is usually used by swallowing, snorting, or intravenous injection. Street names for meth include: crank, crystal, go, speed, zip, chris, or ice.
Meth and cocaine have similar behavioral and physiological effects, but meth has longer-term affects. One of the biggest contrasts is that cocaine is quickly removed and almost completely metabolized in the body, while meth has a much longer duration for metabolization, and a larger percentage of the drug remains unchanged in the body. Because it remains for so long in the brain, the chemical reaction effects on the brain can be severe to the nerve terminals.
Some of the effects of chronic meth abuse can be reversed. However, recent research has shown that recovery in some brain regions take up to two years of prolonged abstinence to reverse. The same research showed that even after two years of abstinence, some of the meth-induced changes were very long lasting. This research, conducted by the National Institute of Drug Abuse (NIDA), speculated, “the increased risk of stroke from the abuse of meth can lead to irreversible damage to the brain.”
Other long-term effects from meth include: hallucinations, disorganized lifestyle, violent and aggressive behavior, permanent psychological problems, behavior resembling paranoid schizophrenic, poor coping abilities, disturbance of personality development, and lowered resistance to illnesses.
Prolonged use turns an individual into a “walking dead”. They are usually very thin, teeth rotting, sores on the face, arms, legs, and they are constantly moving. Morals are totally compromised to be able to continue using meth.
Meth users trade their soul for this drug. Treating meth addicts is very challenging in the addiction healing community. The treatment needs to be long term—24-36 months—to move from “abstaining” to recovery, then to healing.
Unfortunately, the cost for long-term treatment is usually prohibitive. Personal financial collateral damage from prolonged use denies the addict the ability to enter treatment. Insurance companies cover a very limited time of residential, and long-term treatment programs. The addict has usually burnt bridges with families, so financial assistance isn’t available. And, public funding for any type of addiction is becoming more and more limited.
Rayanne, I am so sorry that your daughter might be experiencing some of the long-term effects of this hideous drug. Please encourage her to be honest with her physician about the length, method, and amount of meth (and other drugs) that she has used. Even though it may be embarrassing for her to admit this, in the end, it may save her life.
You can get more up-to-date information about methamphetamine, and other drug, use at the NIDA website: http://www.drugabuse.gov.
Be well on your journey.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry and read her
MAx Fabry is a regular contributor to a weekly column "ASK MAx" published in the SPRINGFIELD TIMES, Springfield, Oregon. The SPRINGFIELD TIMES is published weekly on Friday by S.J. Olson Publishing, Inc. This column is published on this blog by permission of the SPRINGFIELD TIMES. Visit their website at http://www.springfieldtimes.net.
_____________________________________________
Dear MAx,
My daughter used meth for ten years. She is in recovery now but she seems to have gotten high blood pressure from using this drug. Can you tell me what the stroke risk is for my daughter?
Rayanne
Dear Rayanne,
It would be difficult to say what the “stroke risk is for (your) daughter” because I don’t have enough information about her. In addition to the damage the methamphetamine abuse did to her, there would also be genetic history to take into consideration. Your daughter’s primary care physician would better be able to assess her condition.
Methamphetamine, “meth”, is one of the most insidious drugs because it is so easily available, and because it is such an incredible threat to innocent bystanders. If someone wants it and can’t buy it, they can “cook” it themselves. My husband and I once purchased a house that had been used to cook methamphetamine; we didn’t know anything about the drug until I almost died from inhaling the residual fumes. Facilities—homes, motels, any structure or campsite—that are used to cook meth contaminate the entire facility. The fumes seep into drywall, flooring, and fabrics; the odor produced is like cat urine. There is no way to de-contaminate these facilities.
Pharmaceutical meth was once widely available in this country; however, the medical use for meth today is very restricted. Almost all of the meth being used today is homemade. Meth resembles a fine coarse powder, crystal, or chunks; it is usually used by swallowing, snorting, or intravenous injection. Street names for meth include: crank, crystal, go, speed, zip, chris, or ice.
Meth and cocaine have similar behavioral and physiological effects, but meth has longer-term affects. One of the biggest contrasts is that cocaine is quickly removed and almost completely metabolized in the body, while meth has a much longer duration for metabolization, and a larger percentage of the drug remains unchanged in the body. Because it remains for so long in the brain, the chemical reaction effects on the brain can be severe to the nerve terminals.
Some of the effects of chronic meth abuse can be reversed. However, recent research has shown that recovery in some brain regions take up to two years of prolonged abstinence to reverse. The same research showed that even after two years of abstinence, some of the meth-induced changes were very long lasting. This research, conducted by the National Institute of Drug Abuse (NIDA), speculated, “the increased risk of stroke from the abuse of meth can lead to irreversible damage to the brain.”
Other long-term effects from meth include: hallucinations, disorganized lifestyle, violent and aggressive behavior, permanent psychological problems, behavior resembling paranoid schizophrenic, poor coping abilities, disturbance of personality development, and lowered resistance to illnesses.
Prolonged use turns an individual into a “walking dead”. They are usually very thin, teeth rotting, sores on the face, arms, legs, and they are constantly moving. Morals are totally compromised to be able to continue using meth.
Meth users trade their soul for this drug. Treating meth addicts is very challenging in the addiction healing community. The treatment needs to be long term—24-36 months—to move from “abstaining” to recovery, then to healing.
Unfortunately, the cost for long-term treatment is usually prohibitive. Personal financial collateral damage from prolonged use denies the addict the ability to enter treatment. Insurance companies cover a very limited time of residential, and long-term treatment programs. The addict has usually burnt bridges with families, so financial assistance isn’t available. And, public funding for any type of addiction is becoming more and more limited.
Rayanne, I am so sorry that your daughter might be experiencing some of the long-term effects of this hideous drug. Please encourage her to be honest with her physician about the length, method, and amount of meth (and other drugs) that she has used. Even though it may be embarrassing for her to admit this, in the end, it may save her life.
You can get more up-to-date information about methamphetamine, and other drug, use at the NIDA website: http://www.drugabuse.gov.
Be well on your journey.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry and read her
04/20/09
SAM: BLOG II: The Journey continues.......
Not the fighter i thought i was?
Well in my first blog, 4/13/09, interesting word btw, I kinda gave a brief view into my background. Where I came from and where I am looking at going. Maybe this time I will give a little insight into where I am at now. At the time of my last blog I was unemployed, since then i have actually got/been given 2 part time jobs. Hmmmm interesting how that worked out. They are not the jobs i want to do for a long time but they are jobs that will help to provide some things and give me the opportunity of being of service to others in a way I was not expecting so much. lol. I have been hearing a lot lately, through all the teachers I have today in my life, about the need to stop fighting! I have been reading some books and have got some input from others about how sometimes we "fight" with others, with ourselves, with the universe and other things. I never considered myself much of a fighter--more of a pacifist, hippy, new age, sensitive male. Never really experienced that physical need much to fight. But fighting involves many things.
I have recently read in a few books that the need to be right and defend our beliefs and values sometimes is a form of fighting and the way we present ideas and defend them so vehemently can be seen as fighting. These books talk about the concept or law of defenselessness and not putting so much time and energy into defending ourselves when there is no need. It seems to be bred into our species to defend our positions to the death sometimes. I have to admit I have been guilty of it myself, but find myself getting kinda tired of it lately. I don’t find myself being attracted to people who argue and defend and fight as much as i used to. Hmmmm could that be the mellowing process? Am I getting mellower in my older age or am I just getting smarter or more tired? I don’t know that it matters so much, but I do feel as tho we humans fight way to much in subtle forms.
I have also noticed the fighting that goes on within myself sometimes. The sneaky ways I seem to undermine my own desires and dreams. It seems to be a subtle form of sabotage. These usually come in the way of thoughts and ideas that were given to me by people from my past, both recent and long past. I have listened to the thoughts of others too much in the past. When I am listening to the messages of others then I cannot hear the messages of my inner voice, the intuitive one, that still small voice as a friend of mine once told me. It is here that is the source of all truth, but one that I continuously need to go to find the answers. I have fought against this voice in the past and have recently decided to give up, surrender, throw in the towel and work on embracing that "inner voice". I find that it lives in the heart, not the head. Going to a heart/love based philosophy of life from a head/fear based philosophy is kinda challenging especially in today's world of fear based power driven societies and all that comes with that. But I have recently been given the message of Surrender to win and, as the Beatles and probably alot of other very spiritual beings have said in the past, "Love is all we need." I also remember John Lennon singin "Give Peace a Chance" Hmmmmm? Stop fighting? As Einstein said "You cannot simultaneously prepare for war and peace at the same time" or something like that. (Apologies to Albert for the butchering job.) He also said "Imagination is more important than knowledge"! And Imagination to me seems kinda like a marriage between the head and the heart, a co-mingling or co-operation of the two. Hmmmmm?
I remember thinkin as a child that surrender meant you failed and the people who were successful never surrendered, never admitted defeat, never gave up, but am learning a new definition of surrender. I also believed in the past that the smart people who lived in their heards were the winners. I have since learned that balancing the head and the heart is a more successful endeavor. I have recently been getting alot of lessons in that area as well. Each plays it's part and serves me if I use it for the betterment of all beings, myself included. Which I need to remember that I am a part of it all, apart from it all btw. I am a part of that "all beings". I sometimes forget that one. lol So it basically comes down to the fact that if i want to stop fighting then I need to stop fighting inside as well as out and stop fighting the positive things that are occuring in my life. I have to let my heart play more and have to let the love and other positive things in my life too. I deserve it as we all do. Once again it is a process, a life long process, god is not through with me yet and to tell ya the truth I am not through with me yet either. Hmmmmm so much for the mystical ramblings. I think I am goin to go out and enjoy this sunny day and live a life full of love, service, and joy today. For myself as well as others. Interesting choice eh? It is one that I can live with. Namaste to all who read this and all who dont!
SAM
SAM is one of the souls I have been privileged to meet along my life's journey. As we walk on the same path together, I have invited Sam to be a guest blogger with the hope that he will realize his spirit, inspire others, and recognize his purpose. Join us as Sam begins a process of awakening his spirit. This is PART II. Your comments will be forwarded to him.
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, at http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
Not the fighter i thought i was?
Well in my first blog, 4/13/09, interesting word btw, I kinda gave a brief view into my background. Where I came from and where I am looking at going. Maybe this time I will give a little insight into where I am at now. At the time of my last blog I was unemployed, since then i have actually got/been given 2 part time jobs. Hmmmm interesting how that worked out. They are not the jobs i want to do for a long time but they are jobs that will help to provide some things and give me the opportunity of being of service to others in a way I was not expecting so much. lol. I have been hearing a lot lately, through all the teachers I have today in my life, about the need to stop fighting! I have been reading some books and have got some input from others about how sometimes we "fight" with others, with ourselves, with the universe and other things. I never considered myself much of a fighter--more of a pacifist, hippy, new age, sensitive male. Never really experienced that physical need much to fight. But fighting involves many things.
I have recently read in a few books that the need to be right and defend our beliefs and values sometimes is a form of fighting and the way we present ideas and defend them so vehemently can be seen as fighting. These books talk about the concept or law of defenselessness and not putting so much time and energy into defending ourselves when there is no need. It seems to be bred into our species to defend our positions to the death sometimes. I have to admit I have been guilty of it myself, but find myself getting kinda tired of it lately. I don’t find myself being attracted to people who argue and defend and fight as much as i used to. Hmmmm could that be the mellowing process? Am I getting mellower in my older age or am I just getting smarter or more tired? I don’t know that it matters so much, but I do feel as tho we humans fight way to much in subtle forms.
I have also noticed the fighting that goes on within myself sometimes. The sneaky ways I seem to undermine my own desires and dreams. It seems to be a subtle form of sabotage. These usually come in the way of thoughts and ideas that were given to me by people from my past, both recent and long past. I have listened to the thoughts of others too much in the past. When I am listening to the messages of others then I cannot hear the messages of my inner voice, the intuitive one, that still small voice as a friend of mine once told me. It is here that is the source of all truth, but one that I continuously need to go to find the answers. I have fought against this voice in the past and have recently decided to give up, surrender, throw in the towel and work on embracing that "inner voice". I find that it lives in the heart, not the head. Going to a heart/love based philosophy of life from a head/fear based philosophy is kinda challenging especially in today's world of fear based power driven societies and all that comes with that. But I have recently been given the message of Surrender to win and, as the Beatles and probably alot of other very spiritual beings have said in the past, "Love is all we need." I also remember John Lennon singin "Give Peace a Chance" Hmmmmm? Stop fighting? As Einstein said "You cannot simultaneously prepare for war and peace at the same time" or something like that. (Apologies to Albert for the butchering job.) He also said "Imagination is more important than knowledge"! And Imagination to me seems kinda like a marriage between the head and the heart, a co-mingling or co-operation of the two. Hmmmmm?
I remember thinkin as a child that surrender meant you failed and the people who were successful never surrendered, never admitted defeat, never gave up, but am learning a new definition of surrender. I also believed in the past that the smart people who lived in their heards were the winners. I have since learned that balancing the head and the heart is a more successful endeavor. I have recently been getting alot of lessons in that area as well. Each plays it's part and serves me if I use it for the betterment of all beings, myself included. Which I need to remember that I am a part of it all, apart from it all btw. I am a part of that "all beings". I sometimes forget that one. lol So it basically comes down to the fact that if i want to stop fighting then I need to stop fighting inside as well as out and stop fighting the positive things that are occuring in my life. I have to let my heart play more and have to let the love and other positive things in my life too. I deserve it as we all do. Once again it is a process, a life long process, god is not through with me yet and to tell ya the truth I am not through with me yet either. Hmmmmm so much for the mystical ramblings. I think I am goin to go out and enjoy this sunny day and live a life full of love, service, and joy today. For myself as well as others. Interesting choice eh? It is one that I can live with. Namaste to all who read this and all who dont!
SAM
SAM is one of the souls I have been privileged to meet along my life's journey. As we walk on the same path together, I have invited Sam to be a guest blogger with the hope that he will realize his spirit, inspire others, and recognize his purpose. Join us as Sam begins a process of awakening his spirit. This is PART II. Your comments will be forwarded to him.
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, at http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
04/18/09
TEENAGERS ABANDONED
MAx Fabry is a regular contributor to a weekly column "ASK MAx" published in the SPRINGFIELD TIMES, Springfield, Oregon. The SPRINGFIELD TIMES is published weekly on Friday by S.J. Olson Publishing, Inc. This column is published on this blog by permission of the SPRINGFIELD TIMES. Visit their website at http://www.springfieldtimes.net.
_____________________________________________
Dear MAx,
I am 16 years old. My problem is that my mother has made the decision to move in with her newest boyfriend. She has told me that he doesn’t want me to live with them and, besides that, even if he wanted me the place they will be living is too small for all of us. There are six of us kids altogether and I am the youngest. She drove all my brothers and sisters away each time she got a new boyfriend. I am the ONLY ONE that has stuck with her! Mom and I are always screaming at each other. She says this is the reason her boyfriend doesn’t like me. She has pawned me off to one of her friends that is too poor to even take care of her own family. I just want my mom to be my mom until I graduate from high school. Is it legal for her to dump me like this?
Sky
Dear Sky,
Please let me start by offering an apology from all the healthy parents reading this. I also want to acknowledge your courage and determination to stick with your mom; your sense of loyalty is a wonderful character trait that I hope you continue to take with you throughout your life.
“Screaming” at each other is definitely a sign of problem communication. When parents bring their teen into my office because “they are out of control and inappropriate”, the parents are usually not acknowledging the teenage transition process. When their child first learned to speak around age one or two, the parents anxiously waited for the baby babble to turn into language they could understand. Then, held on to every word—even recording the first words in a “Baby Book”. When their child moved into adolescents the parents may have missed that their child needed a more sophisticated way of communicating to address the new adolescent life experiences. Around 10 years old the “new” teen is watching more closely how the parents are communicating, and, just as in infancy, they start replicating the parent’s communication style. If the parents have healthy communication, their teenager will; if the parents scream at each, the teenagers will be screamers. My guess is that you scream because mom screams. You can learn a healthier way to communicate.
Sadly, the answer to your question of the legality of mom dumping you is: In the US it is NOT illegal for a parent to dump, abandon, or throwaway their teenager! As I was searching for a way to offer you hope and guidance I found myself getting angry not only that your mother is “dumping” you, but, also, that our culture has a long history of “throw-away” and “abandoned” teenagers. During bad economical times children are often left behind as their caregivers move to seek work.
I found the most recent statistics on throwaway/runaway children on the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children website: An estimated 1.3 million children are throw-aways/runaways. This is almost one-half of all reported missing children, ages 12 years old up. Fifty-seven percent of these kids are males, 43% are females.
As far as I could determine from talking with agencies--Children Services, Women’s Crises Center, Police Department, Court Systems, Legal Services, CASA, and, the US Department of Health and Human, there are no resources available for throw-away/runaway teens UNLESS they commit a crime. The Juvenile Justice system seems to be the only agency capable of providing legal aid, “security” housing/food/clothing, and counseling for any homeless teenager. Of course, these services come with lifelong repercussions.
Sky, while this is a very difficult hand you have been dealt in life, and the circumstances are causing you incredible pain, I would suggest remembering focus on changing the things you can—which never includes other people. Don’t be afraid to discuss your situation with responsible people that may be able to help you. Brainstorm with your school counselor, a minister, runaway shelter counselor, or other responsible adults in your life, to come up with a plan to help you be in a safe environment in order to complete your education.
Most of all, Sky, set a goal high enough for yourself to become the person that you will be proud to be in the future. And, always remember, “Obstacles are what we see when we take our eyes off our goal.” Yes, our parents can be obstacles—if we let them.
Be well on your journey.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry and read her blog at www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.
MAx Fabry is a regular contributor to a weekly column "ASK MAx" published in the SPRINGFIELD TIMES, Springfield, Oregon. The SPRINGFIELD TIMES is published weekly on Friday by S.J. Olson Publishing, Inc. This column is published on this blog by permission of the SPRINGFIELD TIMES. Visit their website at http://www.springfieldtimes.net.
_____________________________________________
Dear MAx,
I am 16 years old. My problem is that my mother has made the decision to move in with her newest boyfriend. She has told me that he doesn’t want me to live with them and, besides that, even if he wanted me the place they will be living is too small for all of us. There are six of us kids altogether and I am the youngest. She drove all my brothers and sisters away each time she got a new boyfriend. I am the ONLY ONE that has stuck with her! Mom and I are always screaming at each other. She says this is the reason her boyfriend doesn’t like me. She has pawned me off to one of her friends that is too poor to even take care of her own family. I just want my mom to be my mom until I graduate from high school. Is it legal for her to dump me like this?
Sky
Dear Sky,
Please let me start by offering an apology from all the healthy parents reading this. I also want to acknowledge your courage and determination to stick with your mom; your sense of loyalty is a wonderful character trait that I hope you continue to take with you throughout your life.
“Screaming” at each other is definitely a sign of problem communication. When parents bring their teen into my office because “they are out of control and inappropriate”, the parents are usually not acknowledging the teenage transition process. When their child first learned to speak around age one or two, the parents anxiously waited for the baby babble to turn into language they could understand. Then, held on to every word—even recording the first words in a “Baby Book”. When their child moved into adolescents the parents may have missed that their child needed a more sophisticated way of communicating to address the new adolescent life experiences. Around 10 years old the “new” teen is watching more closely how the parents are communicating, and, just as in infancy, they start replicating the parent’s communication style. If the parents have healthy communication, their teenager will; if the parents scream at each, the teenagers will be screamers. My guess is that you scream because mom screams. You can learn a healthier way to communicate.
Sadly, the answer to your question of the legality of mom dumping you is: In the US it is NOT illegal for a parent to dump, abandon, or throwaway their teenager! As I was searching for a way to offer you hope and guidance I found myself getting angry not only that your mother is “dumping” you, but, also, that our culture has a long history of “throw-away” and “abandoned” teenagers. During bad economical times children are often left behind as their caregivers move to seek work.
I found the most recent statistics on throwaway/runaway children on the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children website: An estimated 1.3 million children are throw-aways/runaways. This is almost one-half of all reported missing children, ages 12 years old up. Fifty-seven percent of these kids are males, 43% are females.
As far as I could determine from talking with agencies--Children Services, Women’s Crises Center, Police Department, Court Systems, Legal Services, CASA, and, the US Department of Health and Human, there are no resources available for throw-away/runaway teens UNLESS they commit a crime. The Juvenile Justice system seems to be the only agency capable of providing legal aid, “security” housing/food/clothing, and counseling for any homeless teenager. Of course, these services come with lifelong repercussions.
Sky, while this is a very difficult hand you have been dealt in life, and the circumstances are causing you incredible pain, I would suggest remembering focus on changing the things you can—which never includes other people. Don’t be afraid to discuss your situation with responsible people that may be able to help you. Brainstorm with your school counselor, a minister, runaway shelter counselor, or other responsible adults in your life, to come up with a plan to help you be in a safe environment in order to complete your education.
Most of all, Sky, set a goal high enough for yourself to become the person that you will be proud to be in the future. And, always remember, “Obstacles are what we see when we take our eyes off our goal.” Yes, our parents can be obstacles—if we let them.
Be well on your journey.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry and read her blog at www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.
04/13/09
SAM'S JOURNEY: WHO AM I?
Who am I?
Well that is a good question and one that i am looking forward to answering sometime soon. I guess i could start with the basics and work my way to the more specific. I will use the nom de Plume of Sam. I am a 49 year old, very soon to be 50 year old, male. Originally from the midwest I came out to Eugene about 19 years ago after coming for a visit. I really felt right at home and Eugene seemed to be a good fit for me. At that time I was just under 2 years sober. There is a story in that one but it will have to wait til later I think, otherwise I would be here for a long time. I moved here because the midwest was feeling stagnant and I felt like I was supposed to move. The universe was working in my life even then, I just was not aware of it at the time. I had lived my life up until this point just existing and believing that I would live in the midwest probably my whole life. I admit I was feeling kind of trapped and not feeling entirely comfortable with the thought, but was making the best of it. So I moved out to Eugene and it felt very comfortable and the fit was good. I have always been a spiritual person even before I knew exactly what that was. I had always had this feeling that there was more to life than what I was able to see with my eyes. Landing in Eugene, or should i say arriving by train, I almost immediately felt at home and I have been here ever since with brief forays to Seattle, (the summer of 2006 right after my divorce, Yes there is a story there too) and about a year in San Francisco (the culinary school year). I seemed to fit in comfortably in Eugene and proceeded to discover the woo woo, new age, sensitive, hippy soul that resided in me. Imagine me finding that part of me in Eugene. So I feel as if I was reborn, so to speak, when I moved to Eugene in 1990. Since moving to Eugene I have had a few jobs ranging from student to market attendant to counselor to cook to chef to where I am now which is unemployed. I should not say I am unemployed I do have a job. My job is to re create myself. I know that sounds kinda weird, but it is based on some ideas and concepts I have been given lately by many teachers. I am learning alot of lessons in the past 6 months. All of these are helping to learn who I am and what I want to be when I grow up so to speak. Who am I/ Not really sure that is the right question. Maybe the question should be who do I want to be? What do I want to bring to myself, what do I want to create? Hmmmmm I do know a few things about myself and I do know a few things I want, call them goals or hearts desires or dreams. I do know that I am a loving, kind, generous, compassionate soul contained within a human body! I know that I have a host of experiences that benefit not only me but others when I get out of the way and kick my ego to the curb so to speak. I do know that the universe/god/whatever you want to call it, is waiting to give me what I want and need when I make the decision to focus my attention on that and do the footwork. I am learning what that footwork is these days and am beginning to do it more often. I also know that there are a number of people in life today that are angels wearing human bodies, sneakly lil buggers that they are! I know that they are here and supportive of me. The problem you see is that sometimes I don’t think I deserve the help or I am scared to asked for it or if I do ask for it or want it I have a hard time sometimes allowing it in there for the stated reasons above. That is changing a little, but it is changing. Anyway I guess that is a good start on what I want to be or who I am or where am I going. I am sure there will be more revealed as time passes. There always is! I do know one other thing and that is that I want to be a writer, I want to be a spiritual author, I want to write and travel around to help others. I want to be of service to the universe, my fellow inhabitants, the planet, and lastly to myself. Not sure about the order of these. Don’t quote me on this one yet. lol I just know I have a purpose, that it involves helping others, and that I am not alone in this. And that in itself is a major awakening for me that has happened rather quickly in some ways and has been coming for ohhhhh I don’t know, maybe about........50 years! Anyway the journey begins............
SAM is one of the souls I have been privileged to meet along my life's journey. As we walk on the same path together, I have invited Sam to be a guest blogger with the hope that he will realize his spirit, inspire others, and recognize his purpose. This is the beginning of this part of his journey. Your comments will be forwarded to him.
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, at http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
Who am I?
Well that is a good question and one that i am looking forward to answering sometime soon. I guess i could start with the basics and work my way to the more specific. I will use the nom de Plume of Sam. I am a 49 year old, very soon to be 50 year old, male. Originally from the midwest I came out to Eugene about 19 years ago after coming for a visit. I really felt right at home and Eugene seemed to be a good fit for me. At that time I was just under 2 years sober. There is a story in that one but it will have to wait til later I think, otherwise I would be here for a long time. I moved here because the midwest was feeling stagnant and I felt like I was supposed to move. The universe was working in my life even then, I just was not aware of it at the time. I had lived my life up until this point just existing and believing that I would live in the midwest probably my whole life. I admit I was feeling kind of trapped and not feeling entirely comfortable with the thought, but was making the best of it. So I moved out to Eugene and it felt very comfortable and the fit was good. I have always been a spiritual person even before I knew exactly what that was. I had always had this feeling that there was more to life than what I was able to see with my eyes. Landing in Eugene, or should i say arriving by train, I almost immediately felt at home and I have been here ever since with brief forays to Seattle, (the summer of 2006 right after my divorce, Yes there is a story there too) and about a year in San Francisco (the culinary school year). I seemed to fit in comfortably in Eugene and proceeded to discover the woo woo, new age, sensitive, hippy soul that resided in me. Imagine me finding that part of me in Eugene. So I feel as if I was reborn, so to speak, when I moved to Eugene in 1990. Since moving to Eugene I have had a few jobs ranging from student to market attendant to counselor to cook to chef to where I am now which is unemployed. I should not say I am unemployed I do have a job. My job is to re create myself. I know that sounds kinda weird, but it is based on some ideas and concepts I have been given lately by many teachers. I am learning alot of lessons in the past 6 months. All of these are helping to learn who I am and what I want to be when I grow up so to speak. Who am I/ Not really sure that is the right question. Maybe the question should be who do I want to be? What do I want to bring to myself, what do I want to create? Hmmmmm I do know a few things about myself and I do know a few things I want, call them goals or hearts desires or dreams. I do know that I am a loving, kind, generous, compassionate soul contained within a human body! I know that I have a host of experiences that benefit not only me but others when I get out of the way and kick my ego to the curb so to speak. I do know that the universe/god/whatever you want to call it, is waiting to give me what I want and need when I make the decision to focus my attention on that and do the footwork. I am learning what that footwork is these days and am beginning to do it more often. I also know that there are a number of people in life today that are angels wearing human bodies, sneakly lil buggers that they are! I know that they are here and supportive of me. The problem you see is that sometimes I don’t think I deserve the help or I am scared to asked for it or if I do ask for it or want it I have a hard time sometimes allowing it in there for the stated reasons above. That is changing a little, but it is changing. Anyway I guess that is a good start on what I want to be or who I am or where am I going. I am sure there will be more revealed as time passes. There always is! I do know one other thing and that is that I want to be a writer, I want to be a spiritual author, I want to write and travel around to help others. I want to be of service to the universe, my fellow inhabitants, the planet, and lastly to myself. Not sure about the order of these. Don’t quote me on this one yet. lol I just know I have a purpose, that it involves helping others, and that I am not alone in this. And that in itself is a major awakening for me that has happened rather quickly in some ways and has been coming for ohhhhh I don’t know, maybe about........50 years! Anyway the journey begins............
SAM is one of the souls I have been privileged to meet along my life's journey. As we walk on the same path together, I have invited Sam to be a guest blogger with the hope that he will realize his spirit, inspire others, and recognize his purpose. This is the beginning of this part of his journey. Your comments will be forwarded to him.
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, at http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
04/06/09
HEPATITIS C
MAx Fabry is a regular contributor to a weekly column "ASK MAx" published in the SPRINGFIELD TIMES, Springfield, Oregon. The SPRINGFIELD TIMES is published weekly on Friday by S.J. Olson Publishing, Inc. This column is published on this blog by permission of the SPRINGFIELD TIMES. Visit their website at http://www.springfieldtimes.net.
_____________________________________________
Dear MAx,
I am angry, embarrassed, and fearful! I have just recently learned from my ex-husband that he has hepatitis “C”. We were married for 13 years and we have been divorced for four years. I knew when I married him that he had a past that included, among other things, drug needle use. I am embarrassed to talk to even my closest friends about this because they might think that his past was my past and would probably not want to risk infection themselves. I have been holding on to this secret for months and am starting to feel sick about it. Now I am wondering if I am sick with holding the secret, or am I starting to show symptoms of hepatitis C. Will I get hepatitis C because he has it? I am so angry about this! I just am not that kind of woman!
Ella
Dear Ella,
Your anger is valid. You probably feel deceived by the man that you loved. And, I certainly understand your embarrassment. After all if you don’t know what you need to know about hepatitis C, your friends might not know either. And, ignorance breeds contempt. Your anger, embarrassment, and carrying this revelation seems to be setting a foundation of fear in your life. “Fear” means nothing; you need to name what the “fear” is to give it substance. In this case “fear” might be named “Am I going to have hepatitis, too?” So, let me give you knowledge to help you with the emotional state you are currently in that may be, literally, making you sick.
Hepatitis is a virus that is an inflammation of the liver that causes the liver to swell and stop functioning. The liver is responsible for over 500 of our bodily functions to keep us alive and healthy including: fighting infections, stops bleeding, removes toxins from blood, and also stores energy for when you need it.
Viruses are passed human to human. In the case of the hepatitis C virus it is passed specifically by contact with an infected persons BLOOD. Statistically these blood transfers are: 70% sharing drug needles; 10% through blood transfusions that occurred prior to 1992; 5% using an infected persons razor, nail clipper, sex (only when blood involved), or a needle stick that has infected blood on it. Other 10% factors include being born to a mother with hepatitis C, and, in rare cases from using unsterilized tools for piercing and tattoos. Please keep in mind that shaking hands, hugging, kissing, or sitting next to an infected person does not pass the virus on.
Many people with hepatitis C don’t show symptoms, and the virus can lay dormant in the body for years.. Presently there are approximately 4-5 million US adults infected with hep C; 85% of those cases are chronic. Factors that influence the progression of hepatitis C are: heavy alcohol intake, obesity, over 40 years of age at time of infection, and certain other coexisting viruses.
The most obvious symptoms of hepatitis C are: fatigue, feel sick to the stomach including stomach pain, not wanting to eat, fever, not thinking straight, night sweats, and yellowish eyes and skin. The best thing to do if you have these signs is to go to your doctor or a public health clinic. There is a blood test that can show if you are infected with the hep C virus, and how serious it is.
Ella, I sincerely hope this has helped you understand the hepatitis C virus better and that it starts to address your fear of whether or not you are infected; only your doctor can answer that for sure with you. Start by opening up to your physician and let the emotional healing begin and the physical doubt answered.
Be well.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry and read her blog at www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.
MAx Fabry is a regular contributor to a weekly column "ASK MAx" published in the SPRINGFIELD TIMES, Springfield, Oregon. The SPRINGFIELD TIMES is published weekly on Friday by S.J. Olson Publishing, Inc. This column is published on this blog by permission of the SPRINGFIELD TIMES. Visit their website at http://www.springfieldtimes.net.
_____________________________________________
Dear MAx,
I am angry, embarrassed, and fearful! I have just recently learned from my ex-husband that he has hepatitis “C”. We were married for 13 years and we have been divorced for four years. I knew when I married him that he had a past that included, among other things, drug needle use. I am embarrassed to talk to even my closest friends about this because they might think that his past was my past and would probably not want to risk infection themselves. I have been holding on to this secret for months and am starting to feel sick about it. Now I am wondering if I am sick with holding the secret, or am I starting to show symptoms of hepatitis C. Will I get hepatitis C because he has it? I am so angry about this! I just am not that kind of woman!
Ella
Dear Ella,
Your anger is valid. You probably feel deceived by the man that you loved. And, I certainly understand your embarrassment. After all if you don’t know what you need to know about hepatitis C, your friends might not know either. And, ignorance breeds contempt. Your anger, embarrassment, and carrying this revelation seems to be setting a foundation of fear in your life. “Fear” means nothing; you need to name what the “fear” is to give it substance. In this case “fear” might be named “Am I going to have hepatitis, too?” So, let me give you knowledge to help you with the emotional state you are currently in that may be, literally, making you sick.
Hepatitis is a virus that is an inflammation of the liver that causes the liver to swell and stop functioning. The liver is responsible for over 500 of our bodily functions to keep us alive and healthy including: fighting infections, stops bleeding, removes toxins from blood, and also stores energy for when you need it.
Viruses are passed human to human. In the case of the hepatitis C virus it is passed specifically by contact with an infected persons BLOOD. Statistically these blood transfers are: 70% sharing drug needles; 10% through blood transfusions that occurred prior to 1992; 5% using an infected persons razor, nail clipper, sex (only when blood involved), or a needle stick that has infected blood on it. Other 10% factors include being born to a mother with hepatitis C, and, in rare cases from using unsterilized tools for piercing and tattoos. Please keep in mind that shaking hands, hugging, kissing, or sitting next to an infected person does not pass the virus on.
Many people with hepatitis C don’t show symptoms, and the virus can lay dormant in the body for years.. Presently there are approximately 4-5 million US adults infected with hep C; 85% of those cases are chronic. Factors that influence the progression of hepatitis C are: heavy alcohol intake, obesity, over 40 years of age at time of infection, and certain other coexisting viruses.
The most obvious symptoms of hepatitis C are: fatigue, feel sick to the stomach including stomach pain, not wanting to eat, fever, not thinking straight, night sweats, and yellowish eyes and skin. The best thing to do if you have these signs is to go to your doctor or a public health clinic. There is a blood test that can show if you are infected with the hep C virus, and how serious it is.
Ella, I sincerely hope this has helped you understand the hepatitis C virus better and that it starts to address your fear of whether or not you are infected; only your doctor can answer that for sure with you. Start by opening up to your physician and let the emotional healing begin and the physical doubt answered.
Be well.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry and read her blog at www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.