While On Life's Journey.....

The following is a guest blogger's own story:

I had been thinking about a day sometime ago, when I was still using.

I felt alone and isolated. In fact I did isolate--literally... I cut myself off from my usual interaction with community. I sequestered myself at home, ignoring emails, or the phone, even refusing to come to the door at times. I moved into a self-induced state of emotional catatonia, using heavily so as to blot out any thoughts or emotions that would remind me of my connection to family, community, or spirit.

After days of continuous using, being sleep deprived, racked with paranoia, I had become absolutely convinced that I was, indeed, cut off. It was as if I had been picked up by the scruff of the neck and dropped into a confining glass jar. I was able to see the world around, to see its function, aware of the passing of time, but, in the same moment, not "seeing", not perceiving, and, most awfully not feeling. Not feeling any sense of connection whatsoever with my inner self nor able to gain any sense of a life beyond the walls of this prison.

I am pretty sure that this is when I started screaming......

I stood in my living room, midday, amidst a brilliant wash of light flowing in through the windows and screamed as if sanity itself were leaving me.

I have considered that terrifying experience many times since letting go of drug use. I know now, that it was purely a deception brought on by the punishing effects of drugs and fear that led me to believe that I could ever be separated from the world. That it would even be possible to be plucked up and placed in a jar, allowed only to see life from afar and not be connected with it.

I have also wondered how many others have experienced this kind of hurtful deception. Or, how many precious souls are still waiting for their emancipation.

In freedom from drugs I found light, and in the light I see myself as I am seen by creation.

A connected, spacious soul; a member of a vast family of connected souls...always close at hand when I reach out to touch them.

I can't say exactly how this transformation from deception to connection came into being for me; nor do I think that it is a "before and after " kind of experience, but rather a gentle unfolding in the process of time.

I do know this though...that in the darkness of isolation something did stir in me...an overwhelming desire to be reunited with my life...to once again have my awareness come back to me.

I guess you could say it was in my darkest times that I found the greatest mercy. My "prayer" was just a simple request: "I want my life back. So please take these drugs and deception away from me." I said out loud to no one in particular really--not to any god per se, or, to any program--out loud, to myself, I suppose.

I continue to hold a light for the travelers who are making their way through the weary parts of deception. There is an end and a path up and beyond--I know, I, too, am following others who traveled this road before me.
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Thank you, Greg, for sharing your story so succinctly. Well done.

If anyone else would like to be a guest blogger, please submit your blog to: maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com

MAx Fabry is a regular contributor to a weekly column "ASK MAx" published in the SPRINGFIELD TIMES, Springfield, Oregon. The SPRINGFIELD TIMES is published weekly on Friday by S.J. Olson Publishing, Inc. This column is published on this blog by permission of the SPRINGFIELD TIMES. Visit their website at http://www.springfieldtimes.net.
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Dear MAx,
I am the parent of an adult child in recovery from an addiction. We are living together and sometimes this person slips and reverts back to the old addiction patterns. The pattern is very slowly going and I can see the progress that has been made so far. My question is this: What boundaries does one set when the "other" addicted person is present versus the healthy "present" person. I am struggling with this because I know that my adult child wants to be healthy, complete and whole. Since I do not have health insurance and am living on social security, I feel that my resources are financially limited. My adult child is not working at this time and I feel the pressure of being the sole supporter. What can I do and what can my adult child do to help ourselves and each other?

Betty

Dear Betty,
I can see that you are caught up in a couple of dilemmas. I want to start by giving you kudos for the love and patience you are showing your “adult child”. Addiction and the economy have never complimented each other. Your adult child is fortunate for having you in their life. Obviously, you have not bought into the “tough love” philosophy. Good for you!

The “tough love” philosophy has been around for decades. While this approach for addiction treatment has never proven to be effective, or safe, it is still being used in many treatment programs. As an addiction counselor, this approach has never been personally comfortable because, ethically, I am bound “to do no harm”. Cruelty and humiliation has never resonated with me to guide people into a healthier lifestyle.

Economically the cost for treating addiction is expensive. Residential treatment programs can range anywhere from $8500 to over $50,000 for a 24-45 day program. Many of these programs are eliminating their after care support groups to save money. If you don’t have insurance that will cover the treatment, most likely, there isn’t very much State or Federal funding available to help. Some private practices will offer pro bono slots.

Even with insurance, however, caps are placed on how much the insurance company will pay out for addiction treatment, limits are placed on the type of treatment the company will allow, and, most sadly, “preventative” treatment is seldom covered. Insurance companies seem to be holding on to the idea that addicts can be “fixed” in a short period of time.

Here are some suggestions for people that are trying to support someone’s recovery with limited funding available:

EDUCATE YOURSELF: Attend 12 Step meetings to listen to what other addicts and family members are saying about their addiction, and how they achieved, or helped to achieve, a successful recovery. Attend lectures, workshops, and seminars to learn about treatment approaches. These events are often not always limited to professionals, and, sometimes offer scholarships or work credit.

SET BOUNDARIES: Lovingly, from your heart, let your loved one know what you are willing to tolerate, consequences of breaking agreements, and set limits on your money, time, and personal space.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF: Be sure to take time to be healthy yourself with exercise, nutrition, friendships, socializing, etc. Your addict needs examples of how to be healthy—living with you makes can provide a number one example. If you and your environment are not healthy, how can you expect your addict to change?

Betty, again, please let me acknowledge your love for your adult child. Love and patience are two of the ingredients necessary for an addict healing; now, add a cupful of knowledge, two cups of setting boundaries, a bundle of patient time, and a whole healthy you, and WHOOLA! you may just have a healthier adult child.

Be well.

Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry at www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.

Not all alcoholics are equal. A handout that was passed out at a recent workshop listed six types of alcoholic (sorry, no author cited—other websites contain similar information):

STEROTYPE ALCOHOLIC: Physically addicted to alcohol. Drinks large amounts everyday. Has lost everything—family, job, home. Skid row type. A drunken bum. 5% of alcoholics.

MAINTENANCE ALCOHOLIC—ADDICTED
Physically addicted to alcohol. Maintains steady BAC of .08%. Seldom looks drunk. Usually is employed, is responsible and a hard worker. Will usually have withdrawals if (s)he quits drinking. Drinks daily, large amounts. 15-20% of alcoholics.

5:00 PM ALCOHOLIC
Not physically addicted. Does not drink in the morning or while at work, but when (s)he gets off work, drinks large amounts of alcohol. Usually drinks every night and heavily on weekends and holidays. Usually employed and a responsible worker. Is emotionally dependent on alcohol and drinks to “relax” after a hard day.

MAINTENANCE ALCOHOLIC- NON-ADDICTED
Similar to an addicted maintenance alcoholic, except (s)he is younger, usually doesn’t drink in the morning, and is emotionally dependent rather than physically addicted to alcohol.

WEEKEND ALCOHOLIC
Not physically addicted. Drinks little during the week, but drinks to drunkenness on weekends. Has loss of control when (s)he does drink. Usually employed, proud of their work, and is a responsible, hard worker. Also drinks heavily during vacations and holidays.

BINGE ALCOHOLIC
Periods of sobriety followed by periods of heavy drinking which may last for several days, weeks, or months. Severe loss of control when drinking. Binges may result in rapid increase in tolerance and may reactivate an addiction that has been in remission.

Can you identify with any of these types of alcoholics?

Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com

My approach to addiction counseling is to address the three dimensions of the human being: body, mind, spirit. My care plans for the individuals that come through my practice include ways to address each of these dimensions based on the need, history, and culture of the individual. The first level I address is the body: the goal is to get oxygen to the brain through exercise and nutrition. Once this level is balanced, I move to the second level: the mind. Now that oxygen is flowing better to the brain and throughout the body, the individual is open to not only hearing about addiction, but retaining the information they are receiving. Being able to logically discuss and work on emotional issues, opens the door to begin work on the third dimension: the spirit. All three dimensions must be in balance to begin working on reintegrating into life without addiction behaviors and thinking.

LIFESTYLE CHANGES Counseling will be soon announcing a new INTENSIVE/INTENSIVE OUTPATIENT Program that will use this innovative approach with addicts seeking recovery and healing. This program will be use multiple research based approaches based on the need of the individual seeking treatment. Look for this announcement in the coming months.

I am MAx Fabry, Senior Counselor, Lifestyle Changes Counseling. Learn more about me at http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com

MAx Fabry is a regular contributor to a weekly column "ASK MAx" published in the SPRINGFIELD TIMES, Springfield, Oregon. The SPRINGFIELD TIMES is published weekly on Friday by S.J. Olson Publishing, Inc. This column is published on this blog by permission of the SPRINGFIELD TIMES. Visit their website at http://www.springfieldtimes.net.
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Dear MAx,
I have worked in the same mill for over twenty years. Last week after I arrived for work, I was suspended because I had one beer before going to work. I didn’t deny that I drank. I agreed to a breathalyzer which was only .01. I was told I had to take an alcohol education class before returning to work. This is such BS! I know that mills are trying to cut employees, but, I have been a good worker and I was not drunk when I arrived to work. I think what I do on my own time is my business. How can an employer justify suspending someone for one beer on their own time?

Jim

Dear Jim,
Employers have an obligation to keep all employees safe while on the job. The drug and alcohol policy in your employee handbook probably spells out what will happen if an employee reports to work with any detectable level of alcohol. These policies are meant to commit the workplace to safe working conditions for both the employees and anyone else that comes in contact with the mill. Given the cost to the employer, the employee, and the community, having an effective alcohol and drug-free workplace policy is needed to ensure the longevity of the company.

Alcohol and/or drug use contributes to increased on-the-job injuries, reduction in productivity, and increase in employer costs—such as, insurance rates—which is passed on to the consumers.

Millwork is among one of the industries that has the highest rates of alcohol use. Employees that contribute to this statistic suffer income reductions up to 20% over their lifetime. Absenteeism among substance abuser is almost 10% greater. They take three times as many sick benefits. And, they are at least five times more likely to have an injury that they will file a workman’s claim.

Also consider that addiction of coworkers’ family members can affect the workplace by distracting the working during work hours. Again, even though the worker isn’t using, alcohol and/or drug addiction in their family causes distractions that leads to less productivity, absenteeism, and contributes to possible on-the-job injuries.

Communities also suffer. As costs to employers rise, the ability to maintain a viable business decreases. Particularly in small towns where a single industry defines the town, a business closing is devastating. This is even more devastating when you understand that there is a way to help keep costs down. That obligation to keep costs down falls on both the employer and employee. Every single employee needs to take responsibility for safety in the workplace.

The employer has the responsibility to institute an alcohol and drug program that takes into consideration workplace safety, health, and add value to their business. These programs must also be reasonable to include balancing workplace safety with employee rights to privacy.

According to the U.S Department of Labor, a good comprehensive drug-free workplace program includes five components: a policy, supervisor training, employee education, employee assistance, and drug testing.

There are a couple factors to consider as a worker in an environment where danger is always present with materials and machinery. First, the drug-free workplace policies put into place are not meant to cost you, they are meant to help you. Suspension doesn’t usually mean you are fired; suspension is a wake up call to assess where you are with your drinking and/or use of drugs.

Remember, effects from substance abuse on a body changes as the person’s body changes with age. Particularly, if you are not taking care of yourself with good nutrition, exercise, and rest. Most mills are running with shift work, which may contribute to employee’s physical and emotional states decreasing faster then with people working static shifts.

Workers that have been referred for appropriate educational programs, or treatment, for substance abuse problems, can usually be returned safely to the workplace. Unless there is a severe addiction, a worker that has attended a program can adjust their thinking and behavior to abide by the standards of the company.

Jim, you and your fellow employees are there to watch each others back. Turning your back on someone you know is using either drugs and/or alcohol is endangering your life, health, and income. That coworker that everyone knows is nursing a hangover, getting high right before work, or using on the job, probably will not be there to pay your bills when you become injured and unable to work. Do you really want someone like this watching your back? Do you really want to be “that” person yourself?

Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transition such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry as www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.

MAx Fabry is a regular contributor to a weekly column "ASK MAx" published in the SPRINGFIELD TIMES, Springfield, Oregon. The SPRINGFIELD TIMES is published weekly on Friday by S.J. Olson Publishing, Inc. This column is published on this blog by permission of the SPRINGFIELD TIMES. Visit their website at http://www.springfieldtimes.net.
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Dear MAx,
Recently there was big layoff at the business I have worked at for five years. Many of the employees that were laid off had been here a lot longer then I have been here. I considered several of these people to be more then follow employees, they were my friends. I love my job and I appreciate that I still have it and the income that comes with it. But, I am finding it harder to come into work and have a good attitude while I am here. How can I change these feelings of guilt?

Bonnie

Dear Bonnie,
Sounds like you are suffering as part of the ‘survivor guilt’ epademic that is presently sweeping the globe. While millions of people have been losing their jobs, millions of other people are left behind to continue working. This malady can leave you with feelings of both relief and anger; it may leave you confused and, even disoriented.

Unemployment in the U.S. has hit double digits in many areas. In November, 2008, Michigan was taking the greatest hit due to the problems the auto industry was having. Other complications in the economy, including bank failures, have also contributed to industries closing, and people losing their jobs. This trickle down affect is felt in just about every business in the country, and many other places around the world.

Opinions are that we are in the worse economical shape since the great depression era. Politicians scurry to come up with a plan to readjust the direction the economy has been going for almost two years. Their efforts, no matter how accurate, will take time to implement and change the downtown in the economy. Meanwhile, people will continue to loose their jobs, and those left behind will be torn with guilt.

There is a progression to the guilt that manifests: feelings of relief that you get to stay; realization that with less people YOU get to do more work for the same, or less money; and, finally, feelings of not feeling appreciated.

Dealing with any loss is a process that involves denial, bargaining, anger, sadness/depression, and acceptance. It is said that experiencing the process of loss is like being in a graduate program of life. If you allow yourself to experiencing each phase of the loss cycle, you will come out of it a stronger person.

In my Moving On workshop, which includes an entire day of grief and loss work, I suggest to my participants that in their deepest despair of their loss they institute the airline oxygen rule: When the oxygen drops down during an emergency, it doesn’t matter who is sitting next to you, you put the oxygen on yourself first. You need to be able to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.

Bonnie, to help you get through the feelings of survivors guilt that you are having, be sure that you take care of yourself: talk about what you are feeling. Be sure to get rest, eat right, exercise, and drink a lot of water. Set good boundaries at work as far as taking on more then you can handle. When talking to your laid-off friends, listen and acknowledge their experience, but don’t take their problems on as your own.

During these difficult economic times we are like rocks in a tumbler that are tossed to and fro, and we are getting bruised. But, as in other recessions, we will end up coming out more polished and valuable than ever. Just hang in there and believe that there are better times coming!
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Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry at www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.