Archives for: December 2008
12/31/08
A NEW YEAR
I would just like to take this blog time to wish a Happy New Year to all of you that have been supporting this blog, my business, and my life. While 2008 had many ups and downs, I have gained so many lessons which has allowed me to have courage to continue growing in all aspects of my life. I thank you all for your support of me and my endeavors, and, most of all, for 2009 I wish you all abundance in health, wealth, and love.
MAx Fabry
I would just like to take this blog time to wish a Happy New Year to all of you that have been supporting this blog, my business, and my life. While 2008 had many ups and downs, I have gained so many lessons which has allowed me to have courage to continue growing in all aspects of my life. I thank you all for your support of me and my endeavors, and, most of all, for 2009 I wish you all abundance in health, wealth, and love.
MAx Fabry
12/30/08
ADDICTION: THE COOKIE JAR
Just before Christmas, one of my addiction transition clients unexpectently dropped by the office carrying a colorful Macy’s Christmas shopping bag. She was dressed for the cold weather and snow that surprised the city that morning. Her eyes were clear and held the excitement of a child hording a secret. As she came through the door, we hugged and I could feel the intensity of her being. Her energy was bubbly, playful, and, most of all, confident. When we got into my office she reached into the Macy’s bag and pulled out a ceramic Santa cookie jar. As she handed it to me she was chattering about making cookies for the first time by herself, throwing away two batches because of one perceived mistake or another, and how much fun it was trying on her own. She apologized in advance if they weren’t good enough. I could feel the warmth of the cookies through the jar. Her eyes were wide watching me as I took the lid off to look inside. It almost looked like she was holding her breath as I reached inside the jar to pull out a warm cookie. “There’s no chocolate.” she quickly said; I was touched that she remembered that I was allergic to chocolate. I bit into the moist warm cookie. It truly tasted good. I complimented how good the cookies were. She clapped her hands together, and, maybe, jumped up and down a little. For me, it was a joy watching her present the gift of giving. When I first met this client, she was struggling with chronic alcohol relapse. For all of her adult years she battled her addiction while her youth passed her by. She was one of the ‘luckier’ addicts I have worked with because she had loving, financially comfortable parents that could finance her addict lifestyle and treatment(s). There had been one time when she moved away from her parents, and attempted to have a ‘normal’ lifestyle; this was not successful. For the past few years this client has been devoting her life to conquering her arch nemesis: addiction. Just before completing, yet another, intensive residential treatment program, her counselor connected her to my office to continue her care once discharged from that program. As part of her advancement plan with my program, she was connected to an addiction counselor, and I became her ‘transition coach’; her mother, physicians, etc, came aboard as her support. As a team, we simultaneously worked on her addiction behaviors, and began introducing new ways of living a healthier productive life. There were ups and downs; but we all kept focus on her goal—a healthy lifestyle—and SHE never gave up. I share this story with you because I want you to understand how important that cookie jar with those homemade cookies were: they were a symbol, a measurement, of this beautiful woman stepping outside of herself, outside of her addiction, to GIVE of herself and what she has made for herself. The objects in the jar were more then just homemade cookies; they were a metaphor for the healthy lifestyle she has finally embraced.
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
Just before Christmas, one of my addiction transition clients unexpectently dropped by the office carrying a colorful Macy’s Christmas shopping bag. She was dressed for the cold weather and snow that surprised the city that morning. Her eyes were clear and held the excitement of a child hording a secret. As she came through the door, we hugged and I could feel the intensity of her being. Her energy was bubbly, playful, and, most of all, confident. When we got into my office she reached into the Macy’s bag and pulled out a ceramic Santa cookie jar. As she handed it to me she was chattering about making cookies for the first time by herself, throwing away two batches because of one perceived mistake or another, and how much fun it was trying on her own. She apologized in advance if they weren’t good enough. I could feel the warmth of the cookies through the jar. Her eyes were wide watching me as I took the lid off to look inside. It almost looked like she was holding her breath as I reached inside the jar to pull out a warm cookie. “There’s no chocolate.” she quickly said; I was touched that she remembered that I was allergic to chocolate. I bit into the moist warm cookie. It truly tasted good. I complimented how good the cookies were. She clapped her hands together, and, maybe, jumped up and down a little. For me, it was a joy watching her present the gift of giving. When I first met this client, she was struggling with chronic alcohol relapse. For all of her adult years she battled her addiction while her youth passed her by. She was one of the ‘luckier’ addicts I have worked with because she had loving, financially comfortable parents that could finance her addict lifestyle and treatment(s). There had been one time when she moved away from her parents, and attempted to have a ‘normal’ lifestyle; this was not successful. For the past few years this client has been devoting her life to conquering her arch nemesis: addiction. Just before completing, yet another, intensive residential treatment program, her counselor connected her to my office to continue her care once discharged from that program. As part of her advancement plan with my program, she was connected to an addiction counselor, and I became her ‘transition coach’; her mother, physicians, etc, came aboard as her support. As a team, we simultaneously worked on her addiction behaviors, and began introducing new ways of living a healthier productive life. There were ups and downs; but we all kept focus on her goal—a healthy lifestyle—and SHE never gave up. I share this story with you because I want you to understand how important that cookie jar with those homemade cookies were: they were a symbol, a measurement, of this beautiful woman stepping outside of herself, outside of her addiction, to GIVE of herself and what she has made for herself. The objects in the jar were more then just homemade cookies; they were a metaphor for the healthy lifestyle she has finally embraced.
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
12/29/08
ADDICTION: RESEARCH BASED PRACTICES
Addiction is a complex problem. Addiction has many dimensions, affecting all aspects of a person’s life and touches many people around them. Unfortunately, there isn’t a one-size-fits all approach for the treatment of addiction. In the past three decades research has developed several effective approaches to addiction treatment. In 1998 the National Institute on Drug Abuse prepared a guide for addiction counselors and treatment centers to structure programs that are scientifically based treatment components. The first section of that guide provides basic overarching principles characterizing effective treatment:
1.No single treatment is appropriate for all individuals.
2.Treatment needs to be readily available.
3.Effective treatment attends to multiple needs of the individual.
4.An individual’s treatment and services plan must be assessed continually and modified as necessary to ensure that the plan meets the person’s changing needs.
5.Remaining in treatment for an adequate period of time I critical for treatment effectiveness.
6.Counseling (individual and/or group) and other behavioral therapies are critical components of effective treatment for addiction.
7.Medications are an important element of treatment for many patients, especially when combined with counseling and other behavioral therapies.
8.Addicted or drug-abusing individuals with coexisting mental disorders should have both disorders treated in an integrated way.
9.Medical detoxification is only the first stage of addiction treatment and by itself does little to change long-term drug use.
10.Treatment does not need to be voluntary to be effective.
11.Possible drug use during treatment must be monitored continuously.
12.Treatment programs should provide assessment for HIV/AIDS, hepatitis B and C, tuberculosis and other infectious diseases, and counseling to help patients modify or change behaviors that place themselves or others at risk of infection.
13.Recovery from drug addiction can be a long-term process and frequently requires multiple episodes of treatment.
When considering treatment for yourself, or others, use these principles as a guide for choosing a program. You can learn more about these principles and find answers to other questions you might have about treatment by visiting the National Institute of Health, National Institute on Drug Abuse at: http://www.drugabuse.gov.
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
Addiction is a complex problem. Addiction has many dimensions, affecting all aspects of a person’s life and touches many people around them. Unfortunately, there isn’t a one-size-fits all approach for the treatment of addiction. In the past three decades research has developed several effective approaches to addiction treatment. In 1998 the National Institute on Drug Abuse prepared a guide for addiction counselors and treatment centers to structure programs that are scientifically based treatment components. The first section of that guide provides basic overarching principles characterizing effective treatment:
1.No single treatment is appropriate for all individuals.
2.Treatment needs to be readily available.
3.Effective treatment attends to multiple needs of the individual.
4.An individual’s treatment and services plan must be assessed continually and modified as necessary to ensure that the plan meets the person’s changing needs.
5.Remaining in treatment for an adequate period of time I critical for treatment effectiveness.
6.Counseling (individual and/or group) and other behavioral therapies are critical components of effective treatment for addiction.
7.Medications are an important element of treatment for many patients, especially when combined with counseling and other behavioral therapies.
8.Addicted or drug-abusing individuals with coexisting mental disorders should have both disorders treated in an integrated way.
9.Medical detoxification is only the first stage of addiction treatment and by itself does little to change long-term drug use.
10.Treatment does not need to be voluntary to be effective.
11.Possible drug use during treatment must be monitored continuously.
12.Treatment programs should provide assessment for HIV/AIDS, hepatitis B and C, tuberculosis and other infectious diseases, and counseling to help patients modify or change behaviors that place themselves or others at risk of infection.
13.Recovery from drug addiction can be a long-term process and frequently requires multiple episodes of treatment.
When considering treatment for yourself, or others, use these principles as a guide for choosing a program. You can learn more about these principles and find answers to other questions you might have about treatment by visiting the National Institute of Health, National Institute on Drug Abuse at: http://www.drugabuse.gov.
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
12/26/08
ADDICTION CAREER: AGING BOOMERS
Looking for a new career? The ‘me’ generation, otherwise known as the ‘baby boomers’ are moving into their winter years and they are taking with them some of their nasty habits from the ‘60s. Dr. Barbara Krantz recently wrote an article published in “Addiction Professional”, Mar/Apr 2008, “...we are already seeing a new pattern in age 50-plus or ‘young older adult’ addiction that differs from what we see in individuals ages 65 and older. Traditional older adults tend to suffer from alcoholism or prescription medication addiction. What we are finding with older Baby Boomers reflect national statistics…. illicit use by people in their 50s…we are also seeing patients in their mid-60s with heroin or cocaine addictions…. we are diagnosing more (residual effects) such as hepatitis C in this group, as symptoms surface after decades of dormancy.” Baby boomers are those people born between 1946 and 1964—and there are a lot of them bringing a surge in elderly addiction. The US Census Bureau predicts that by 2030 over one third of the US population will be 55 and older. This generation is noted for the “turn on, tune in, drop out” philosophy of the psychedelic age. The ‘usual’ approach for addiction treatment will not be appropriate for this geriatric population. Challenges for this population include wanting an instant cure, generational values that included everything from a sexual revolution to endless summers full of rock and roll and open drug use. Dr. Krantz suggests “Addiction treatment for aging Boomers must be holistic in its approach, addressing not only complex substance use histories, but also generational attitudes and values.” She adds that the treatment approach be “a personalized care plan with their professional team that includes wellness, spiritual, medical, and psychological components.” Addiction factors of the aging boomer population are worth considering when exploring new careers; an area to seriously look at might be ‘geriatric addiction counseling’. Are you up for the challenge?
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
Looking for a new career? The ‘me’ generation, otherwise known as the ‘baby boomers’ are moving into their winter years and they are taking with them some of their nasty habits from the ‘60s. Dr. Barbara Krantz recently wrote an article published in “Addiction Professional”, Mar/Apr 2008, “...we are already seeing a new pattern in age 50-plus or ‘young older adult’ addiction that differs from what we see in individuals ages 65 and older. Traditional older adults tend to suffer from alcoholism or prescription medication addiction. What we are finding with older Baby Boomers reflect national statistics…. illicit use by people in their 50s…we are also seeing patients in their mid-60s with heroin or cocaine addictions…. we are diagnosing more (residual effects) such as hepatitis C in this group, as symptoms surface after decades of dormancy.” Baby boomers are those people born between 1946 and 1964—and there are a lot of them bringing a surge in elderly addiction. The US Census Bureau predicts that by 2030 over one third of the US population will be 55 and older. This generation is noted for the “turn on, tune in, drop out” philosophy of the psychedelic age. The ‘usual’ approach for addiction treatment will not be appropriate for this geriatric population. Challenges for this population include wanting an instant cure, generational values that included everything from a sexual revolution to endless summers full of rock and roll and open drug use. Dr. Krantz suggests “Addiction treatment for aging Boomers must be holistic in its approach, addressing not only complex substance use histories, but also generational attitudes and values.” She adds that the treatment approach be “a personalized care plan with their professional team that includes wellness, spiritual, medical, and psychological components.” Addiction factors of the aging boomer population are worth considering when exploring new careers; an area to seriously look at might be ‘geriatric addiction counseling’. Are you up for the challenge?
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
12/24/08
ALCOHOLIC CHRISTMAS: A CHILD’S VIEWPOINT
From a child’s viewpoint, my parents always seemed to be able to pull a Merry Christmas off to surprise their children. From a child’s viewpoint, there was always a tree set up on a table, decorated the day before Thanksgiving, with much to much garland. There was always a new outfit given to each of my three brothers and myself on Christmas Eve; so that we would show well in church Christmas morning. Mom would lovingly bathe each one of us, help us on with our flannel pajamas, and tuck us into our beds assuring us that “your dad will be home soon.” As I recall, from my child’s viewpoint, dad was always late on Christmas Eve, and, I with each passing year, I could always predict, from my child’s viewpoint, what would happen when dad came home. Dad would arrive some time after we were all tucked away for the night. The shouting started shortly after he arrived. As things started to be thrown, I would hope that the lovely Christmas tree would be on its table to greet us in the morning. When the shouting stopped, I knew it was safe, so I allowed myself to fall asleep. From a child’s viewpoint, I can remember the morning of Christmas going into my brothers’ bedroom, excitedly waking them up, and urging them to follow me down to discover our Christmas. None of us spoke of the night before; I pretended nothing happened, and hoped my brothers had slept through our family holiday eve tradition. Mother was at the stove, already brewing a pot of coffee, she pretended to not notice us creeping behind her into the living room. As we approached the living room, I was so relieved to see the garland-laden tree still standing. We squealed with excitement seeing that gifts had been added to the base of the tree. I looked over my shoulder at my mother who had followed us into the room; I wondered at what point, between us going to bed and the shouting stopping, that the gifts were so carefully placed under this symbol of Peace. Mom said that we had to wait for dad before opening any of the gifts. We voted for the youngest child, and my father’s favorite child, to go into our parent’s bedroom to wake our dad so we could get on with opening our gifts. This yearly strategy worked for my youngest brother soon appeared hand in hand with our father. From a child’s viewpoint, THIS is what Christmas was about: mother, father, brothers, all laughing and excited about the gifts waiting to be discovered underneath their colorful wrappings.
Now, from an adult’s viewpoint, looking back, describing our family Christmas, I can see the colorful wrappings that a child covers holidays with to protect the innocence of the day. In reality, my father was a raging alcoholic. My mother was an unmedicated bi-polar with no skills to deal with an alocholic husband. The insanity that these two people, my parents, shared, not only on holidays, but every day of the year, would somehow come to a temporary truce on holidays. In reality, when the shouting started, I, and my brothers, would fear for the life of my mother and for ourselves. The colorfully wrapped gifts, I later learned, were bought with monies taken from the very meager food budget, or, given by neighbors and/or relatives so we would all have ‘something’ to open on Christmas morning. Back then there weren’t support groups, open therapy, and extended family support. My parents eventually separated, then divorced. My father died at the young age of 57 years old due, in part, to his alcoholism. My mother remarried and learned what a loving life is really like without chaos and drama. None of us children are close. And, on the rare occasions when we do talk,we don’t discuss the insanity that we grew up with because now, as adults, we have new colorful wrapping paper hiding the scars, confusion, and insanity of our birth family.
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
From a child’s viewpoint, my parents always seemed to be able to pull a Merry Christmas off to surprise their children. From a child’s viewpoint, there was always a tree set up on a table, decorated the day before Thanksgiving, with much to much garland. There was always a new outfit given to each of my three brothers and myself on Christmas Eve; so that we would show well in church Christmas morning. Mom would lovingly bathe each one of us, help us on with our flannel pajamas, and tuck us into our beds assuring us that “your dad will be home soon.” As I recall, from my child’s viewpoint, dad was always late on Christmas Eve, and, I with each passing year, I could always predict, from my child’s viewpoint, what would happen when dad came home. Dad would arrive some time after we were all tucked away for the night. The shouting started shortly after he arrived. As things started to be thrown, I would hope that the lovely Christmas tree would be on its table to greet us in the morning. When the shouting stopped, I knew it was safe, so I allowed myself to fall asleep. From a child’s viewpoint, I can remember the morning of Christmas going into my brothers’ bedroom, excitedly waking them up, and urging them to follow me down to discover our Christmas. None of us spoke of the night before; I pretended nothing happened, and hoped my brothers had slept through our family holiday eve tradition. Mother was at the stove, already brewing a pot of coffee, she pretended to not notice us creeping behind her into the living room. As we approached the living room, I was so relieved to see the garland-laden tree still standing. We squealed with excitement seeing that gifts had been added to the base of the tree. I looked over my shoulder at my mother who had followed us into the room; I wondered at what point, between us going to bed and the shouting stopping, that the gifts were so carefully placed under this symbol of Peace. Mom said that we had to wait for dad before opening any of the gifts. We voted for the youngest child, and my father’s favorite child, to go into our parent’s bedroom to wake our dad so we could get on with opening our gifts. This yearly strategy worked for my youngest brother soon appeared hand in hand with our father. From a child’s viewpoint, THIS is what Christmas was about: mother, father, brothers, all laughing and excited about the gifts waiting to be discovered underneath their colorful wrappings.
Now, from an adult’s viewpoint, looking back, describing our family Christmas, I can see the colorful wrappings that a child covers holidays with to protect the innocence of the day. In reality, my father was a raging alcoholic. My mother was an unmedicated bi-polar with no skills to deal with an alocholic husband. The insanity that these two people, my parents, shared, not only on holidays, but every day of the year, would somehow come to a temporary truce on holidays. In reality, when the shouting started, I, and my brothers, would fear for the life of my mother and for ourselves. The colorfully wrapped gifts, I later learned, were bought with monies taken from the very meager food budget, or, given by neighbors and/or relatives so we would all have ‘something’ to open on Christmas morning. Back then there weren’t support groups, open therapy, and extended family support. My parents eventually separated, then divorced. My father died at the young age of 57 years old due, in part, to his alcoholism. My mother remarried and learned what a loving life is really like without chaos and drama. None of us children are close. And, on the rare occasions when we do talk,we don’t discuss the insanity that we grew up with because now, as adults, we have new colorful wrapping paper hiding the scars, confusion, and insanity of our birth family.
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
12/23/08
RECOVERY TOOL: SETTING GOALS
I have a sign in my office that says “You need to set a goal big enough that in the process of achieving it, you become someone worth becoming” (no author noted) Encouraging people in recovery to set goals is important to help reduce anxiety, help with problem solving, and to start building structure in their lives. Goals are usually short term, one to twelve months; or long term, three years or five years. Consider setting three things you can accomplish in each area of your life. Here are areas of life to consider when setting goals:
PERSONAL: This is related to your relationship with your “self”: improving your self-image, enhancing creative and intellectual abilities, and shifting your attitudes toward the positive.
HEALTH: Focus on and develop goals related to diet, fitness, addictions, and physical appearance.
RECREATION: Add new dimensions and diversity to your lifestyle.
FAMILY: Healthy ways related to beginning, strengthening, clarifying, and enhancing your relationship with your family and extended family members.
FRIENDSHIP: Develop goals related to deepening and balancing relationships with old friends as well as building new friendships.
COMMUNITY: Looking at your social responsibilities to local and global communities.
CAREER: Related to both paid and unpaid positions. Changing, moving up, education, internships, home businesses.
FINANCIAL: Defining and mapping your material wealth and satisfaction: present and future. Include goals related to the maintenance and enhancement of your home which may be your largest material investment.
SPIRITUAL: Explore the foundation upon which you build peace of mind and heart.
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
I have a sign in my office that says “You need to set a goal big enough that in the process of achieving it, you become someone worth becoming” (no author noted) Encouraging people in recovery to set goals is important to help reduce anxiety, help with problem solving, and to start building structure in their lives. Goals are usually short term, one to twelve months; or long term, three years or five years. Consider setting three things you can accomplish in each area of your life. Here are areas of life to consider when setting goals:
PERSONAL: This is related to your relationship with your “self”: improving your self-image, enhancing creative and intellectual abilities, and shifting your attitudes toward the positive.
HEALTH: Focus on and develop goals related to diet, fitness, addictions, and physical appearance.
RECREATION: Add new dimensions and diversity to your lifestyle.
FAMILY: Healthy ways related to beginning, strengthening, clarifying, and enhancing your relationship with your family and extended family members.
FRIENDSHIP: Develop goals related to deepening and balancing relationships with old friends as well as building new friendships.
COMMUNITY: Looking at your social responsibilities to local and global communities.
CAREER: Related to both paid and unpaid positions. Changing, moving up, education, internships, home businesses.
FINANCIAL: Defining and mapping your material wealth and satisfaction: present and future. Include goals related to the maintenance and enhancement of your home which may be your largest material investment.
SPIRITUAL: Explore the foundation upon which you build peace of mind and heart.
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
12/22/08
OWA WHY NOT?
A funny question I get is "Well, who are you to assign yourself this job?" I always chuckle when I hear this question. "I" amthe person that thought it up! Up until then, no one else was doing it. This is how paradigms come into being. Remember the history lessons we got about the earth being flat? And, then, someone comes up with a new thought that the world is round! Without the media we have now, imagine how long it took him to get that idea out there--thank goodness Columbus returned from his trans-Atlantic voyage to help shatter the concept that the Earth was flat! Remember the story about IBM throwing a computer program out because they didn't believe it was worth anything? Good thing a young computer tech named Bill Gates could see the value in it! Who was he to promote a global communication paradigm? Of course, my hero is Harvey W. Wiley, the first commissioner of the US Food and Drug Administration, who, in 1912, ended up joining a magazine called "Good Housekeeping", developed the new "Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval", and was able to do something he was unable to do from within the government--promote safe foods and other consumer items. I don't really think any of us 'assign' ourselves jobs that are stressful and, at times, overwhelming. I believe that many of us learn to be in our awareness, work outside of a base of fear, and believe what German author Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said "If you can imagine it, you can achieve it." And, of course, I continue to be driven by the words of George Bernard Shaw that Robert Kennedy used in a famous speech "Some men see things as they are and ask why, I dream things that never happened and ask why not?" These are my core beliefs, this is who I am, and this is why "I" started Online Wellness Association.
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, Founder of Online Wellness Association, at
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com, click 'about us', then, 'words from our founder'
A funny question I get is "Well, who are you to assign yourself this job?" I always chuckle when I hear this question. "I" amthe person that thought it up! Up until then, no one else was doing it. This is how paradigms come into being. Remember the history lessons we got about the earth being flat? And, then, someone comes up with a new thought that the world is round! Without the media we have now, imagine how long it took him to get that idea out there--thank goodness Columbus returned from his trans-Atlantic voyage to help shatter the concept that the Earth was flat! Remember the story about IBM throwing a computer program out because they didn't believe it was worth anything? Good thing a young computer tech named Bill Gates could see the value in it! Who was he to promote a global communication paradigm? Of course, my hero is Harvey W. Wiley, the first commissioner of the US Food and Drug Administration, who, in 1912, ended up joining a magazine called "Good Housekeeping", developed the new "Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval", and was able to do something he was unable to do from within the government--promote safe foods and other consumer items. I don't really think any of us 'assign' ourselves jobs that are stressful and, at times, overwhelming. I believe that many of us learn to be in our awareness, work outside of a base of fear, and believe what German author Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said "If you can imagine it, you can achieve it." And, of course, I continue to be driven by the words of George Bernard Shaw that Robert Kennedy used in a famous speech "Some men see things as they are and ask why, I dream things that never happened and ask why not?" These are my core beliefs, this is who I am, and this is why "I" started Online Wellness Association.
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, Founder of Online Wellness Association, at
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com, click 'about us', then, 'words from our founder'
ADDICTION AND ANXIETY
Anxiety Symptoms can be substance induced. With substance-induced anxiety can occur during heavy use, during acute intoxication, or during withdrawals. Substances commonly association with substance-induced anxiety include alcohol, marijuana, amphetamines, and caffeine. Anxiety is a complicated component of addiction because it is related to several components of stress. Depending on the individual and the source of the stress, anxiety may manifest in one of three ways: panic attacks, constant tension, and rumination of anxious thoughts. In my holistic approach to treating addiction, I help my clients understand the sources of their stress. Together we examine environmental, social, physiological, and thinking factors. Then, we make a plan to address mind, body, and spirit in order to give the client strategies to manage their own bodies more effectively:
(1) The first areas I address are proper rest, daily exercise, appropriate nutrition, and plenty of water.
(2) Learning deep conscious breathing techniques is helpful to circulate oxygen to the brain and to help with symptoms of anxiety.
(3) Inappropriate handling of anger provokes anxiety. Review my 12/19/08 blog entry.
(4) Change your thinking: replace unhelpful thoughts with positive helpful thoughts, repeating until the new thought is automatic; visualization of clearing unhelpful thoughts; thought-stopping techniques like yelling ‘Stop!’ when anxious thoughts keep cycling; and, schedule worry time once a week to get it out of your head and allow yourself that one time to worry.
(5) Learn to problem solve by setting goals and prioritizing.
(6) Have fun. Laughing is a good therapy.
Helping clients deal with anxiety helps reduce the possibility of relapse, teaches them tools for a healthier lifestyle, thus, enhancing the quality of their lives.
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
Anxiety Symptoms can be substance induced. With substance-induced anxiety can occur during heavy use, during acute intoxication, or during withdrawals. Substances commonly association with substance-induced anxiety include alcohol, marijuana, amphetamines, and caffeine. Anxiety is a complicated component of addiction because it is related to several components of stress. Depending on the individual and the source of the stress, anxiety may manifest in one of three ways: panic attacks, constant tension, and rumination of anxious thoughts. In my holistic approach to treating addiction, I help my clients understand the sources of their stress. Together we examine environmental, social, physiological, and thinking factors. Then, we make a plan to address mind, body, and spirit in order to give the client strategies to manage their own bodies more effectively:
(1) The first areas I address are proper rest, daily exercise, appropriate nutrition, and plenty of water.
(2) Learning deep conscious breathing techniques is helpful to circulate oxygen to the brain and to help with symptoms of anxiety.
(3) Inappropriate handling of anger provokes anxiety. Review my 12/19/08 blog entry.
(4) Change your thinking: replace unhelpful thoughts with positive helpful thoughts, repeating until the new thought is automatic; visualization of clearing unhelpful thoughts; thought-stopping techniques like yelling ‘Stop!’ when anxious thoughts keep cycling; and, schedule worry time once a week to get it out of your head and allow yourself that one time to worry.
(5) Learn to problem solve by setting goals and prioritizing.
(6) Have fun. Laughing is a good therapy.
Helping clients deal with anxiety helps reduce the possibility of relapse, teaches them tools for a healthier lifestyle, thus, enhancing the quality of their lives.
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
12/20/08
SOBER HOLIDAY SUGGESTIONS
Here are some suggestions Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous suggest for celebrating a sober holiday:
1.Attend holiday alkathons, round-the-clock sessions co-sponsored by several groups, alternating various kinds of AA/NA meetings with refreshments and sometimes entertainment. Everybody is welcome to drop in. Groups keep a buffet loaded with Holiday food.
2.Plan extra meetings. Visit groups you have never seen.
3.Take someone newer than you are to each meeting you attend and speak first to a stranger at each group.
4.Accept an extra AA/NA chore or two—telephone duty, dishwashing, leading or speaking at a meeting, or visiting alcoholics in a hospital or a jail.
5.Try to remember it is more important to give time, love and thought than it is to give lavish presents.
6.Do 12th step work.
7.Don’t work up Holiday worries in advance. Remember, “One day (or hour) at a time.”
8.HALT: watch out for HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY, TIRED. Don’t isolate; stay with other AA/NA members.
9.Carry the ‘Grapevine’ and an AA/NA pamphlet with you to read at odd moments.
10.Avoid any drinking occasions you are nervous about (use some of those excuses you used to use, remember?)
11.Keep you AA/NA telephone list with you at all times. If you think of drinking, using or just feeling uptight—postpone everything else until you have called another AA/NA member with Holiday greetings.
12.Go to church. Any church.
13.It may be a good time to catch up on reading and letter writing.
14.Go to a funny movie—or at least do something that is fun. You deserve it!
15.Always know what’s in your glass.
16.Never go anywhere without a pre-planned ride home so you can leave if you get uncomfortable.
To learn more about Alcoholics Anonymous, or to find meetings in your area go to
http://www.aa.org
To learn more about Narcotics Anonymous, or to find meetings in your area go to
http://www.na.org
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
Here are some suggestions Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous suggest for celebrating a sober holiday:
1.Attend holiday alkathons, round-the-clock sessions co-sponsored by several groups, alternating various kinds of AA/NA meetings with refreshments and sometimes entertainment. Everybody is welcome to drop in. Groups keep a buffet loaded with Holiday food.
2.Plan extra meetings. Visit groups you have never seen.
3.Take someone newer than you are to each meeting you attend and speak first to a stranger at each group.
4.Accept an extra AA/NA chore or two—telephone duty, dishwashing, leading or speaking at a meeting, or visiting alcoholics in a hospital or a jail.
5.Try to remember it is more important to give time, love and thought than it is to give lavish presents.
6.Do 12th step work.
7.Don’t work up Holiday worries in advance. Remember, “One day (or hour) at a time.”
8.HALT: watch out for HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY, TIRED. Don’t isolate; stay with other AA/NA members.
9.Carry the ‘Grapevine’ and an AA/NA pamphlet with you to read at odd moments.
10.Avoid any drinking occasions you are nervous about (use some of those excuses you used to use, remember?)
11.Keep you AA/NA telephone list with you at all times. If you think of drinking, using or just feeling uptight—postpone everything else until you have called another AA/NA member with Holiday greetings.
12.Go to church. Any church.
13.It may be a good time to catch up on reading and letter writing.
14.Go to a funny movie—or at least do something that is fun. You deserve it!
15.Always know what’s in your glass.
16.Never go anywhere without a pre-planned ride home so you can leave if you get uncomfortable.
To learn more about Alcoholics Anonymous, or to find meetings in your area go to
http://www.aa.org
To learn more about Narcotics Anonymous, or to find meetings in your area go to
http://www.na.org
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
12/19/08
ANGER: A VALID EMOTION
This is reproduced from the SPRINGFIELD TIMES, Springfield, OR, December 19, 2008 issues:
LIFESTYLE CHANGES: ASK MAx
by MAx Fabry
Dear MAx,
My husband is pretty easy going except when he is sleeping. Throughout the night he shouts, curses, and says things that are sometimes pretty scary. This is so different from the loving mild mannered man he is throughout the day. We never argue, he is patient with our son, and he seldom even talks bad about anyone. What is with this behavior?
Kathy
Dear Kathy,
Sounds like your husband may be having problems expressing immediate feelings of anger that ends up manifesting while he is sleeping. Anger is an interesting emotion. Interestingly, the type of anger your husband is expressing in his sleep is common in folks with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) who don’t feel they can share their anger with anyone. Ruling out any PTSD event in your husbands life, let’s look at other factors that might contribute to this type of outburst in his sleep. Often times children are taught that it isn’t alright to express anger. The way you do, or do not, deal with anger is determined by a culmination of family norms, cultural beliefs, your personal experiences, religious and societal messages. Some of those messages include: “It is better to keep your feelings to yourself”; “Crying diminishes manhood”; “If you have negative feelings it means that you are a bad person.” Unfortunately, whenever you begin the process of closing the door on any of your feelings, you are also closing the door on other positive feelings like joy and happiness. This eventually leads to an “I don’t care” attitude, depression, and illness. I think it is important to recognize that ‘anger’ is a valid feeling, it is how you express that feeling that determines whether or not you get into trouble with yourself or with someone else. When you deny or ignore anger, this anger, like any feeling, will eventually sneak back when you least expect it—like in your sleep. The unexpressed anger provides fuel for unpleasant dreams, irritating daytime thoughts, problem behaviors, displaced emotions, as well as physical discomfort. Life goes smoother, you feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually better when you can learn to accept your anger and look for a straightforward way of expressing it. For instance, if you are angry, say “I am angry.” I know, this sounds simplistic, but, if you are not in the habit of expressing your feelings, it will take practice to master the art of honest/straightforward expression “under fire”. Here are some suggestions to achieve the freedom to feel any feeling, even anger: (1) Give yourself permission to feel every feeling—avoid judging or moralizing your feelings or yourself for having them. (2) Avoid confusing feelings with behavior—you can choose how you behave over your feelings; find productive ways to behave with your feelings like talking, exercising, painting, journaling. (3) Take full responsibility for your feelings—if others “make you feel”, you give them the power to control you, you create your feelings, don’t blame others. And, (4) appropriately share your feelings with somebody—feelings that go unshared don’t go away by themselves, these feelings build up, they haunt and they can lead to depression or bleep-type satire while sleeping.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘ASK MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry at http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.
To learn more about the Springfield Times and to subscribe, go to
http://www.springfieldtimes.net
This is reproduced from the SPRINGFIELD TIMES, Springfield, OR, December 19, 2008 issues:
LIFESTYLE CHANGES: ASK MAx
by MAx Fabry
Dear MAx,
My husband is pretty easy going except when he is sleeping. Throughout the night he shouts, curses, and says things that are sometimes pretty scary. This is so different from the loving mild mannered man he is throughout the day. We never argue, he is patient with our son, and he seldom even talks bad about anyone. What is with this behavior?
Kathy
Dear Kathy,
Sounds like your husband may be having problems expressing immediate feelings of anger that ends up manifesting while he is sleeping. Anger is an interesting emotion. Interestingly, the type of anger your husband is expressing in his sleep is common in folks with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) who don’t feel they can share their anger with anyone. Ruling out any PTSD event in your husbands life, let’s look at other factors that might contribute to this type of outburst in his sleep. Often times children are taught that it isn’t alright to express anger. The way you do, or do not, deal with anger is determined by a culmination of family norms, cultural beliefs, your personal experiences, religious and societal messages. Some of those messages include: “It is better to keep your feelings to yourself”; “Crying diminishes manhood”; “If you have negative feelings it means that you are a bad person.” Unfortunately, whenever you begin the process of closing the door on any of your feelings, you are also closing the door on other positive feelings like joy and happiness. This eventually leads to an “I don’t care” attitude, depression, and illness. I think it is important to recognize that ‘anger’ is a valid feeling, it is how you express that feeling that determines whether or not you get into trouble with yourself or with someone else. When you deny or ignore anger, this anger, like any feeling, will eventually sneak back when you least expect it—like in your sleep. The unexpressed anger provides fuel for unpleasant dreams, irritating daytime thoughts, problem behaviors, displaced emotions, as well as physical discomfort. Life goes smoother, you feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually better when you can learn to accept your anger and look for a straightforward way of expressing it. For instance, if you are angry, say “I am angry.” I know, this sounds simplistic, but, if you are not in the habit of expressing your feelings, it will take practice to master the art of honest/straightforward expression “under fire”. Here are some suggestions to achieve the freedom to feel any feeling, even anger: (1) Give yourself permission to feel every feeling—avoid judging or moralizing your feelings or yourself for having them. (2) Avoid confusing feelings with behavior—you can choose how you behave over your feelings; find productive ways to behave with your feelings like talking, exercising, painting, journaling. (3) Take full responsibility for your feelings—if others “make you feel”, you give them the power to control you, you create your feelings, don’t blame others. And, (4) appropriately share your feelings with somebody—feelings that go unshared don’t go away by themselves, these feelings build up, they haunt and they can lead to depression or bleep-type satire while sleeping.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘ASK MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry at http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.
To learn more about the Springfield Times and to subscribe, go to
http://www.springfieldtimes.net
12/18/08
TIS THE SEASON OF ADDICTIONS
Tis the season for overindulgence! This is the traditional time of overspending, overeating, overdrinking, over-the-top behavior. This is an important time for you to be getting out of your ego and living in your awareness. ‘Ego’ is an important aspect of who we are; ego is what makes us individual from everyone else. Yet, living totally in the ego drives the overindulgences in our lives. When we are living in the ego we are usually experiencing a state of constant judgment-for ourselves and others, an overload of expectations, and an almost insurmountable amount of fears. For instance, we have to be sure to buy a gift for everyone, even if we can’t afford it—there are always credit cards—we overspend. We want to be sure to try all the food presented to us, knowing we can start that diet again January 1st –so we overeat. And, how can we celebrate the holiday without sharing a bottle or two or three; or smoking joint with a friend or two or three—our addict is awakened to party. Ego drives us to overindulgence which culminates in starting the new year with credit card debt and/or being behind on bills that weren’t paid in order to buy those obligatory gifts; putting on weight that even exceeded the already too much weight you were trying to get off before the Merry Season began; and, maybe, even having to deal with the DUII that you get leaving one of those Good Cheer parties. Living in our awareness changes this destructive behavior. When we are in awareness we can see the long-term repercussions of the destructive behavior, question its value, and change our belief system about how we celebrate holidays. Living in awareness may mean setting a budget that doesn’t exceed our normal spending to provide memories for our loved ones. Living in awareness may be knowing that food will always be there so eating only what our body needs will get us through the holiday season in a healthy state. Living in awareness may mean drinking responsibly, if at all, ultimately maybe saving a life and/or saving a lot of money paying off that DUII. Living in awareness during this time of year opens our eyes, minds, and hearts to what these holidays are all about. HAPPY SAFE HOLIDAY TO EVERYONE!!
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
Tis the season for overindulgence! This is the traditional time of overspending, overeating, overdrinking, over-the-top behavior. This is an important time for you to be getting out of your ego and living in your awareness. ‘Ego’ is an important aspect of who we are; ego is what makes us individual from everyone else. Yet, living totally in the ego drives the overindulgences in our lives. When we are living in the ego we are usually experiencing a state of constant judgment-for ourselves and others, an overload of expectations, and an almost insurmountable amount of fears. For instance, we have to be sure to buy a gift for everyone, even if we can’t afford it—there are always credit cards—we overspend. We want to be sure to try all the food presented to us, knowing we can start that diet again January 1st –so we overeat. And, how can we celebrate the holiday without sharing a bottle or two or three; or smoking joint with a friend or two or three—our addict is awakened to party. Ego drives us to overindulgence which culminates in starting the new year with credit card debt and/or being behind on bills that weren’t paid in order to buy those obligatory gifts; putting on weight that even exceeded the already too much weight you were trying to get off before the Merry Season began; and, maybe, even having to deal with the DUII that you get leaving one of those Good Cheer parties. Living in our awareness changes this destructive behavior. When we are in awareness we can see the long-term repercussions of the destructive behavior, question its value, and change our belief system about how we celebrate holidays. Living in awareness may mean setting a budget that doesn’t exceed our normal spending to provide memories for our loved ones. Living in awareness may be knowing that food will always be there so eating only what our body needs will get us through the holiday season in a healthy state. Living in awareness may mean drinking responsibly, if at all, ultimately maybe saving a life and/or saving a lot of money paying off that DUII. Living in awareness during this time of year opens our eyes, minds, and hearts to what these holidays are all about. HAPPY SAFE HOLIDAY TO EVERYONE!!
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
12/17/08
ADDICTION: THE DISEASE
My clients often come up with some interesting insights to share with me that they have gleaned along their recovery journeys. This is one that I recently found in my ‘Wisdom’ file. The author, like so many of these wonderful things I am handed, is ‘unknown’. Let’s allow this unknown author’s words to live on through this blog. The title of this is ‘I’M YOUR DISEASE’: “I hate meetings. I hate Higher Power. I hate anyone who has a program. To all who come in contact with me, I wish you death and I wish you suffering.
Allow me to introduce myself. I am the disease of addiction, cunning, baffling, and powerful, that’s me. I have killed millions and I am pleased. I love to catch you with the element of surprise. I love pretending I am your friend and lover. I have given you comfort, have I not? Wasn’t I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn’t you call me? I was there. I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love when I make you so numb that you can neither hurt or cry. You can’t feel anything at all. This is true glory. I will give you instant gratification and all I ask of you is long-term suffering. I’ve been there for you always. When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn’t deserve these good things; I was the only one who would agree with you. Together we were able to destroy all things good in your life.
People don’t take me seriously. They take strokes seriously, heart attacks seriously, even diabetes they take seriously. Fools that they are, they don’t know that without my help these things would not be made possible. I am such a hated disease, and yet I do not come uninvited. You choose to have me. So many have chosen me over reality and peace.
More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a twelve-step program. Your program, your meetings, your Higher Power, all weaken me and I can’t function in the manner I am accustomed to.
Now I must lie here quietly. You don’t see me, but I am growing bigger than ever. When you only exist, I may live. When you live, I only exist. But I am here…and until we meet again, if we meet again, I wish you death and suffering.” Author Unknown
WOW! Says it all, doesn’t it?! If you have interesting insights like this, PLEASE share them with me so I can pass them onto my blog readers. Submit your blog entries to: maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com.
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
My clients often come up with some interesting insights to share with me that they have gleaned along their recovery journeys. This is one that I recently found in my ‘Wisdom’ file. The author, like so many of these wonderful things I am handed, is ‘unknown’. Let’s allow this unknown author’s words to live on through this blog. The title of this is ‘I’M YOUR DISEASE’: “I hate meetings. I hate Higher Power. I hate anyone who has a program. To all who come in contact with me, I wish you death and I wish you suffering.
Allow me to introduce myself. I am the disease of addiction, cunning, baffling, and powerful, that’s me. I have killed millions and I am pleased. I love to catch you with the element of surprise. I love pretending I am your friend and lover. I have given you comfort, have I not? Wasn’t I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn’t you call me? I was there. I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love when I make you so numb that you can neither hurt or cry. You can’t feel anything at all. This is true glory. I will give you instant gratification and all I ask of you is long-term suffering. I’ve been there for you always. When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn’t deserve these good things; I was the only one who would agree with you. Together we were able to destroy all things good in your life.
People don’t take me seriously. They take strokes seriously, heart attacks seriously, even diabetes they take seriously. Fools that they are, they don’t know that without my help these things would not be made possible. I am such a hated disease, and yet I do not come uninvited. You choose to have me. So many have chosen me over reality and peace.
More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a twelve-step program. Your program, your meetings, your Higher Power, all weaken me and I can’t function in the manner I am accustomed to.
Now I must lie here quietly. You don’t see me, but I am growing bigger than ever. When you only exist, I may live. When you live, I only exist. But I am here…and until we meet again, if we meet again, I wish you death and suffering.” Author Unknown
WOW! Says it all, doesn’t it?! If you have interesting insights like this, PLEASE share them with me so I can pass them onto my blog readers. Submit your blog entries to: maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com.
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
12/16/08
FOOD ADDICTION:WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY
Kelly LaCost, of Easylife Coaching, specializes in weight management. She is a fellow member in good standing with Online Wellness Association, and a close colleague. This is a copy of a blog she has submitted to Online Wellness Association which is dedicated to those people that agonize over their weight--particularly during this holiday season.
It’s almost January and you’re planning a weight loss journey. A typical January first: Here you are, totally hating being overweight. You wake up every morning totally uncomfortable. You dread spending another day carrying around this excess body fat! It’s the time of year to begin again and your thoughts turn to self improvement. “That’s it!” you say. “I’ve had it!” You have arrived at that moment again.
Here’s what usually happens next. You decide on a diet and jump in with both feet. Then you do one of two things, you either tell everyone your dieting to seal the deal, or, you tell no one because this has played out so many times before you are afraid you will look bad when you fail…again. Then it begins, you start in with full gusto. One day, two days, three days! You feel amazing! Then it happens, you get too hungry or in a hard situation. Either something stressful happens or you find yourself at a potluck or holiday party and …Bam! Its over. The guilt drives you further down with thoughts like “I already blew it so I might as well continue to eat.” Or “Ill just eat until I get through this tough time, this season, this week”. Back at square one! Totally depressing uh? You say all kinds of horrible things to yourself; “I can’t do this, I might as well just accept being fat, I guess I have no willpower.”
None of these things are true. In fact you can do this! You don’t have to accept being fat and willpower has nothing to do with it.
Weight loss is a journey! If you were to embark on a great journey (and believe me, this qualifies) you would never just head out without preparation! Can you imagine the chaos? Why would you travel that way? And yet…we do this to ourselves all the time when starting out on the journey of weight loss. Sabotage!
Just for fun lets say you were planning a 3 month trip to Europe. What would you do first? Run to the airport and hope they had a seat on the next flight? No. First you would set up transportation. Then what? Buy a whole new wardrobe when you get there? Of course not, you pack the essentials. After that you might wander around Europe, up and down the streets aimlessly looking for fun, in a place you’ve never been? No. First you create an itinerary. Then what? You just leave everyone at home to wonder where you went and fend for themselves? That wouldn’t be very nice. So, of course before you go you set up management for your things and your family while you are gone. This is a great analogy for your weight loss journey and it’s not that far fetched. Weight loss is really very similar! It is a great journey, and you will need to prepare in order to set your self up for success. To go on this trip and succeed you will need to…
SET UP TRANSPORTATION
·Plan out how you will get support, accountability and the information you need to get from point A to point B.
PACK THE ESSENTIALS
·Shop for, and fill your kitchen with the right foods, healthy and easy to prepare (with an emphasis on easy)
CREATE AN ITINERARY
·Adjust your schedule to fit your new life style. What you need to do differently? How can you create the space needed for extra focus on your food?
SET UP MANAGEMENT for your things and family while you are gone
·What will you feed your family? Decide how to set them up differently while your cooking and eating habits change.
Now you’re ready! What a fabulous trip you will have! Bon Voyage!
You may be able to set this entire process up by yourself, but if you find that you need a travel agent, Easylife Coaching can help you with all of the details of this journey. Let us help you really set yourself up for success. Let us help you arrive where you’re going!
For more information, questions or comments you can contact me, Kelly LaCost, at http://www.easylifecoaching.com/
Happy Travels!
Kelly LaCost
Easylife weight Loss Coaching LLC
541-337-1902
Kelly LaCost, of Easylife Coaching, specializes in weight management. She is a fellow member in good standing with Online Wellness Association, and a close colleague. This is a copy of a blog she has submitted to Online Wellness Association which is dedicated to those people that agonize over their weight--particularly during this holiday season.
It’s almost January and you’re planning a weight loss journey. A typical January first: Here you are, totally hating being overweight. You wake up every morning totally uncomfortable. You dread spending another day carrying around this excess body fat! It’s the time of year to begin again and your thoughts turn to self improvement. “That’s it!” you say. “I’ve had it!” You have arrived at that moment again.
Here’s what usually happens next. You decide on a diet and jump in with both feet. Then you do one of two things, you either tell everyone your dieting to seal the deal, or, you tell no one because this has played out so many times before you are afraid you will look bad when you fail…again. Then it begins, you start in with full gusto. One day, two days, three days! You feel amazing! Then it happens, you get too hungry or in a hard situation. Either something stressful happens or you find yourself at a potluck or holiday party and …Bam! Its over. The guilt drives you further down with thoughts like “I already blew it so I might as well continue to eat.” Or “Ill just eat until I get through this tough time, this season, this week”. Back at square one! Totally depressing uh? You say all kinds of horrible things to yourself; “I can’t do this, I might as well just accept being fat, I guess I have no willpower.”
None of these things are true. In fact you can do this! You don’t have to accept being fat and willpower has nothing to do with it.
Weight loss is a journey! If you were to embark on a great journey (and believe me, this qualifies) you would never just head out without preparation! Can you imagine the chaos? Why would you travel that way? And yet…we do this to ourselves all the time when starting out on the journey of weight loss. Sabotage!
Just for fun lets say you were planning a 3 month trip to Europe. What would you do first? Run to the airport and hope they had a seat on the next flight? No. First you would set up transportation. Then what? Buy a whole new wardrobe when you get there? Of course not, you pack the essentials. After that you might wander around Europe, up and down the streets aimlessly looking for fun, in a place you’ve never been? No. First you create an itinerary. Then what? You just leave everyone at home to wonder where you went and fend for themselves? That wouldn’t be very nice. So, of course before you go you set up management for your things and your family while you are gone. This is a great analogy for your weight loss journey and it’s not that far fetched. Weight loss is really very similar! It is a great journey, and you will need to prepare in order to set your self up for success. To go on this trip and succeed you will need to…
SET UP TRANSPORTATION
·Plan out how you will get support, accountability and the information you need to get from point A to point B.
PACK THE ESSENTIALS
·Shop for, and fill your kitchen with the right foods, healthy and easy to prepare (with an emphasis on easy)
CREATE AN ITINERARY
·Adjust your schedule to fit your new life style. What you need to do differently? How can you create the space needed for extra focus on your food?
SET UP MANAGEMENT for your things and family while you are gone
·What will you feed your family? Decide how to set them up differently while your cooking and eating habits change.
Now you’re ready! What a fabulous trip you will have! Bon Voyage!
You may be able to set this entire process up by yourself, but if you find that you need a travel agent, Easylife Coaching can help you with all of the details of this journey. Let us help you really set yourself up for success. Let us help you arrive where you’re going!
For more information, questions or comments you can contact me, Kelly LaCost, at http://www.easylifecoaching.com/
Happy Travels!
Kelly LaCost
Easylife weight Loss Coaching LLC
541-337-1902
12/12/08
LIFE IN RETIREMENT
From the weekly Oregon, Springfield Times, column, December 12, 2008, edition, page 7: LIFESTYLE CHANGES: ASK MAx , by MAx Fabry
Dear MAx
My husband and I retired together two years ago. We have already done just about everything on our ‘list’ that we wanted to do when we retired. Lately he has been driving me crazy just hanging out at the house. I feel like all I do is sit around waiting for him to decide to do something. We are in a good financial position, we have great adult kids and grandkids, other then him being depressed, we are in pretty good health for our ages. I often think of my parents and how they aged. Mostly I remember them just sitting in front of the TV, dad in his easy chair, mom waiting on him. Are we going in that direction? Is this all there is?
Evelyn
Dear Evelyn,
Congratulations for entering the autumn of your life. Yes, I said autumn, NOT winter—you are not on your last season as yet. Also, congratulations for good financial planning to get you where you are today. It isn’t unusual for people to focus on the financial aspect of retirement and not pay attention to what happens after you are no longer part of a daily workforce. Many people in the US dream of early retirement, but it has been reported that people who retire at the age of 55 are at least two times as likely to die by the time they reach 65 years of age compared to those people that continue to work well past the average retirement age. According to the US Census, in 1910 people did not retire until approximately 74 years old, which is interesting because the average life expectancy at that time was only 50 years. When Social Security was initially enacted in the US in 1935 it was not common for people to live much past 62 years old. In 2002 the average age of retirement was 62 years of age. Depending on what statistics you read, the average lifespan of Americans is 75 years old for men, 79 years old for females. Like you, Evelyn, most people plan their retirement based on money. This is misleading once we make the transition to this stage of life and many retired people are finding themselves under-planned emotionally and spiritually. In planning for retirement also want to plan for how you want to spend the most precious of all your commodities: your time. When people retire they usually loose their identity. They are no longer a banker, teacher, ironworker, papermaker. So they begin to ponder ‘Then who I am?’ This question often leads down a path called depression, ending in an easy chair, with a clicker, and a TV set. Interestingly, AARP recently reported that even though Americans are retiring better financially then preceding generations, they are feeling worse physically and emotionally. I read somewhere that people that work in the public like politicians and entertainers work well into their 70’s and are generally in good health, look good, and have positive attitudes. Perhaps the need to have purpose in life: feeling needed and useful, being connected to the community and to a social group, is what keeps us going. In retirement, after the ‘list’ is done, if you don’t already have one, make a new list: volunteer, take a class, join those groups that you never had time for while working, create, challenge yourself to a new hobby. Most of all, get to know each other again. You may find that you each have new fears, new goals, new thoughts about how life has been and where you go from here. Life in retirement doesn’t mean life is ending, it means that life is going to be different, full of wonderful colors because that is what makes autumn beautiful.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘ASK MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.
To subscribe to the Springfield Times, or to learn more about this publication go to http://www.springfieldtimes.net
From the weekly Oregon, Springfield Times, column, December 12, 2008, edition, page 7: LIFESTYLE CHANGES: ASK MAx , by MAx Fabry
Dear MAx
My husband and I retired together two years ago. We have already done just about everything on our ‘list’ that we wanted to do when we retired. Lately he has been driving me crazy just hanging out at the house. I feel like all I do is sit around waiting for him to decide to do something. We are in a good financial position, we have great adult kids and grandkids, other then him being depressed, we are in pretty good health for our ages. I often think of my parents and how they aged. Mostly I remember them just sitting in front of the TV, dad in his easy chair, mom waiting on him. Are we going in that direction? Is this all there is?
Evelyn
Dear Evelyn,
Congratulations for entering the autumn of your life. Yes, I said autumn, NOT winter—you are not on your last season as yet. Also, congratulations for good financial planning to get you where you are today. It isn’t unusual for people to focus on the financial aspect of retirement and not pay attention to what happens after you are no longer part of a daily workforce. Many people in the US dream of early retirement, but it has been reported that people who retire at the age of 55 are at least two times as likely to die by the time they reach 65 years of age compared to those people that continue to work well past the average retirement age. According to the US Census, in 1910 people did not retire until approximately 74 years old, which is interesting because the average life expectancy at that time was only 50 years. When Social Security was initially enacted in the US in 1935 it was not common for people to live much past 62 years old. In 2002 the average age of retirement was 62 years of age. Depending on what statistics you read, the average lifespan of Americans is 75 years old for men, 79 years old for females. Like you, Evelyn, most people plan their retirement based on money. This is misleading once we make the transition to this stage of life and many retired people are finding themselves under-planned emotionally and spiritually. In planning for retirement also want to plan for how you want to spend the most precious of all your commodities: your time. When people retire they usually loose their identity. They are no longer a banker, teacher, ironworker, papermaker. So they begin to ponder ‘Then who I am?’ This question often leads down a path called depression, ending in an easy chair, with a clicker, and a TV set. Interestingly, AARP recently reported that even though Americans are retiring better financially then preceding generations, they are feeling worse physically and emotionally. I read somewhere that people that work in the public like politicians and entertainers work well into their 70’s and are generally in good health, look good, and have positive attitudes. Perhaps the need to have purpose in life: feeling needed and useful, being connected to the community and to a social group, is what keeps us going. In retirement, after the ‘list’ is done, if you don’t already have one, make a new list: volunteer, take a class, join those groups that you never had time for while working, create, challenge yourself to a new hobby. Most of all, get to know each other again. You may find that you each have new fears, new goals, new thoughts about how life has been and where you go from here. Life in retirement doesn’t mean life is ending, it means that life is going to be different, full of wonderful colors because that is what makes autumn beautiful.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘ASK MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.
To subscribe to the Springfield Times, or to learn more about this publication go to http://www.springfieldtimes.net
12/11/08
LET GO, LET GOD
One of the active 12 Step sayings is ‘Let Go, and Let God’. In reference to this saying, I have had parents, and wives, say to me ‘I will never turn my back on….I will never kick them out of my home….my life’. This, I believe, is not the intention of this saying. Here is something I have been toting around for years, author unknown; Title: Letting Go
To ‘let go’ does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To ‘let go’ is not to cut myself off, it is the realization I can’t control another.
To ‘let go’ is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To ‘let go’ is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To ‘let go’ is not to try to change or blame another, it is to make the most of myself.
To ‘let go’ is not to care for, but to care about.
To ‘let go’ is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To ‘let go’ is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To ‘let go’ is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To ‘let go’ is not be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
To ‘let go’ is not to deny, but to accept.
To ‘let go’ is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To ‘let go’ is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes, and cherish myself in it.
To ‘let go’ is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To ‘let go’ is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To ‘let go’ is to fear less, and love more.
You may not agree with everything in this, BUT, was there something that struck a chord in you?
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
One of the active 12 Step sayings is ‘Let Go, and Let God’. In reference to this saying, I have had parents, and wives, say to me ‘I will never turn my back on….I will never kick them out of my home….my life’. This, I believe, is not the intention of this saying. Here is something I have been toting around for years, author unknown; Title: Letting Go
To ‘let go’ does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To ‘let go’ is not to cut myself off, it is the realization I can’t control another.
To ‘let go’ is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To ‘let go’ is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To ‘let go’ is not to try to change or blame another, it is to make the most of myself.
To ‘let go’ is not to care for, but to care about.
To ‘let go’ is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To ‘let go’ is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To ‘let go’ is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To ‘let go’ is not be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
To ‘let go’ is not to deny, but to accept.
To ‘let go’ is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To ‘let go’ is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes, and cherish myself in it.
To ‘let go’ is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To ‘let go’ is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To ‘let go’ is to fear less, and love more.
You may not agree with everything in this, BUT, was there something that struck a chord in you?
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
12/09/08
AA SPONSORSHIP
It seems I have had a string of clients in lately that are confused about the role of a ‘sponsor’ in Alcoholics Anonymous. One person said that her sponsor had ‘taken over (her) life’ and felt that the sponsor had replaced her abusive partner. Another person shared that ‘my sponsor just doesn’t get me. He’s never there when I need him.’ Yet another confided ‘I was really having a hard time with cravings, then, my sponsor relapsed after eight years of sobriety!’ Interestingly, the original ‘Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous’ does not mention the word ‘sponsor’. However, the beginning paragraph of Chapter 7, page 89, clearly defines the purpose of the sponsor concept: ‘Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. This is our twelfth suggestion: Carry this message to other alcoholics! You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail.’ A book that is often used in treatment programs ‘Learning to Live Again: A Guide for Recovery from Chemical Dependency’ sums up the purpose and problems of the sponsorship concept: ‘The principles of AA and NA are simple but at first can be misunderstood….sponsors are not therapists or counselors, nor are they responsible for telling other members how to work their programs. All members are responsible for interpreting the principles for themselves and developing their own programs based on those principles. The sponsor is merely a sounding board, a supportive friend, and a knowledgeable resource.’ A complete detailed evolution of sponsorship compiled from active AA members can be found on THE PRIMARY PURPOSE WEBSITE at http://www.aaprimarypurpose.org/sponsorship.htm.Choosing a sponsor is very personal—this isn’t a one size fits all role. When looking for a sponsor some characteristics to consider are: they possess a sense of serenity and well-being; they have a thorough realistic knowledge of the principles, steps, and traditions of the program; they are respectful, speak in language you can understand; they are encouraging; they have a life outside the 12 Step program; and, they have a wonderful balance between nudging you toward recovery while being very patient with you. Sponsorship is a gift from one member of the 12 Step program to another. Members are human beings, and human beings a fallible. Remember, when deciding who you want as a sponsor, you are not choosing your higher power, you are choosing someone that is walking on the same path you are on—they are just a few steps ahead of you.
For more information about Alcoholics Anonymous go to
http://www.aa.org
To learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice visit
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
It seems I have had a string of clients in lately that are confused about the role of a ‘sponsor’ in Alcoholics Anonymous. One person said that her sponsor had ‘taken over (her) life’ and felt that the sponsor had replaced her abusive partner. Another person shared that ‘my sponsor just doesn’t get me. He’s never there when I need him.’ Yet another confided ‘I was really having a hard time with cravings, then, my sponsor relapsed after eight years of sobriety!’ Interestingly, the original ‘Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous’ does not mention the word ‘sponsor’. However, the beginning paragraph of Chapter 7, page 89, clearly defines the purpose of the sponsor concept: ‘Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. This is our twelfth suggestion: Carry this message to other alcoholics! You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail.’ A book that is often used in treatment programs ‘Learning to Live Again: A Guide for Recovery from Chemical Dependency’ sums up the purpose and problems of the sponsorship concept: ‘The principles of AA and NA are simple but at first can be misunderstood….sponsors are not therapists or counselors, nor are they responsible for telling other members how to work their programs. All members are responsible for interpreting the principles for themselves and developing their own programs based on those principles. The sponsor is merely a sounding board, a supportive friend, and a knowledgeable resource.’ A complete detailed evolution of sponsorship compiled from active AA members can be found on THE PRIMARY PURPOSE WEBSITE at http://www.aaprimarypurpose.org/sponsorship.htm.Choosing a sponsor is very personal—this isn’t a one size fits all role. When looking for a sponsor some characteristics to consider are: they possess a sense of serenity and well-being; they have a thorough realistic knowledge of the principles, steps, and traditions of the program; they are respectful, speak in language you can understand; they are encouraging; they have a life outside the 12 Step program; and, they have a wonderful balance between nudging you toward recovery while being very patient with you. Sponsorship is a gift from one member of the 12 Step program to another. Members are human beings, and human beings a fallible. Remember, when deciding who you want as a sponsor, you are not choosing your higher power, you are choosing someone that is walking on the same path you are on—they are just a few steps ahead of you.
For more information about Alcoholics Anonymous go to
http://www.aa.org
To learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice visit
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
12/06/08
FOOD ADDICTION: BODY IMAGE
This is one of the most difficult times for all addicts, including those with food addictions. I rely on my colleague, Kelly LaCost, to coach my clients who want to address their food addictions. Kelly was recently a guest blogger on Online Wellness Association. Her blog is worth reprinting, so here it is:
WEIGHT MANAGEMENT: Body Image (reprinted from Online Wellness Association 12/6/08 blog)
Kelly LaCost is a member of Online Wellness Association. She is today’s guest blogger:
WHY CAN’T I JUST CHANGE THE BODY?
by Kelly LaCost
Why didn’t that last diet work? Why does my weight seem to be going in a pattern of lose, gain, binge, starve? Why can’t I stick to something and change the shape of my body once and for all? Because the shape of your body is not the problem, it is the symptom. You are in a state of disconnectedness with who you truly are and your body is using the weight to get your attention! Somewhere along the way food became a tool for you. Somewhere, sometime, for some reason (probably a good one) you decided you need more help in life. A situation came up that would involve emotional, physical, or spiritual tools; you went for your tool belt and your choices were limited. You could forge a new one for just this situation, you could go completely without it, or you could make a nice dinner, a big ice cream Sunday and forget it all! Oh how lovely! Food worked for stress, loneliness, and tension. It could provide relaxation, ease social situations and get you through hard emotional times. It’s available everywhere, part of everything and it’s legal! The problem is our “problems” are teachers. Each situation you face in life, you learn lessons on the level of the mind i.e. how to manage the family finances. On the level of body i.e. health challenges, and everyday fitness. On the level of the Spirit or “True Self” i.e. relationships, self esteem, life’s dreams and goals. When you avoid these learning opportunities, and turn to food, even if it’s only sometimes it can affect you. You might think it is only the weight that needs attention, but actually the weight is the result- the result of being out of alignment with your self. The food was there to fill the gaps of the body, mind and spirit and so…when the food is slipped out, you are left with empty spaces in the body, mind and spirit. Here is the good news. Fill those gaps with the “food of life” and then slip out the food…and guess what? You don’t need it! If you heal these three areas, you will be in alignment with who you really, are and guess what? That person is not fat! That person is balanced inside, and so balanced outside. Your life wants to be balanced, so does your body. It’s not one or the other it’s one and the other. “Lead with your true self, and the body will follow”
Kelly LaCost, Life Coach, Specializing in Weight Management
Develop the skills to Dream, Plan, and Achieve
Call to schedule a free consultation: 541-337-1902
Visit my website at http://www.easylifecoaching.com
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
This is one of the most difficult times for all addicts, including those with food addictions. I rely on my colleague, Kelly LaCost, to coach my clients who want to address their food addictions. Kelly was recently a guest blogger on Online Wellness Association. Her blog is worth reprinting, so here it is:
WEIGHT MANAGEMENT: Body Image (reprinted from Online Wellness Association 12/6/08 blog)
Kelly LaCost is a member of Online Wellness Association. She is today’s guest blogger:
WHY CAN’T I JUST CHANGE THE BODY?
by Kelly LaCost
Why didn’t that last diet work? Why does my weight seem to be going in a pattern of lose, gain, binge, starve? Why can’t I stick to something and change the shape of my body once and for all? Because the shape of your body is not the problem, it is the symptom. You are in a state of disconnectedness with who you truly are and your body is using the weight to get your attention! Somewhere along the way food became a tool for you. Somewhere, sometime, for some reason (probably a good one) you decided you need more help in life. A situation came up that would involve emotional, physical, or spiritual tools; you went for your tool belt and your choices were limited. You could forge a new one for just this situation, you could go completely without it, or you could make a nice dinner, a big ice cream Sunday and forget it all! Oh how lovely! Food worked for stress, loneliness, and tension. It could provide relaxation, ease social situations and get you through hard emotional times. It’s available everywhere, part of everything and it’s legal! The problem is our “problems” are teachers. Each situation you face in life, you learn lessons on the level of the mind i.e. how to manage the family finances. On the level of body i.e. health challenges, and everyday fitness. On the level of the Spirit or “True Self” i.e. relationships, self esteem, life’s dreams and goals. When you avoid these learning opportunities, and turn to food, even if it’s only sometimes it can affect you. You might think it is only the weight that needs attention, but actually the weight is the result- the result of being out of alignment with your self. The food was there to fill the gaps of the body, mind and spirit and so…when the food is slipped out, you are left with empty spaces in the body, mind and spirit. Here is the good news. Fill those gaps with the “food of life” and then slip out the food…and guess what? You don’t need it! If you heal these three areas, you will be in alignment with who you really, are and guess what? That person is not fat! That person is balanced inside, and so balanced outside. Your life wants to be balanced, so does your body. It’s not one or the other it’s one and the other. “Lead with your true self, and the body will follow”
Kelly LaCost, Life Coach, Specializing in Weight Management
Develop the skills to Dream, Plan, and Achieve
Call to schedule a free consultation: 541-337-1902
Visit my website at http://www.easylifecoaching.com
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
12/05/08
CREDIT CARD ADDICTION
The United States is a ‘nation of credit’; the government, itself, isn’t afraid to go trillions of dollars into debt, therefore, is it a surprise to anyone that the trickle down theory has also led to individual credit card addiction. Spending is encouraged and reinforced by the media: SALE, SALE, SALE; “YOU REALLY NEED ONE OF THESE”; Black Friday; Shop until you drop; 70% OFF!! Individuals are enticed, consciously and subconsciously, to spend, spend, spend. Plastic makes it easier to meet that buying need, credit cards have no visible denomination. The plastic card affords endless spending until that corporate imposed limit is hit—THEN, the credit card addict just needs to get another card! AND, let the spending continue! Understand, please, that the credit card addict, like any other addiction, is acting not out of need or even want, the credit card addict is acting out of impulse. Credit card addicts will often buy something, take it home, have addict remorse, and return the item. As with other addictions, the credit card addict often spirals totally out of control finding their lives, and the lives of loved ones, in shambles. Credit card addictions effect all areas of an addict’s life, with financial being the most obvious. Other areas effected are: personal, physical, spiritual, interpersonal, and professional. Sorting all of this requires professional help via individual counseling, financial coaching, and/or attending support groups. Like any other addiction, education supports prevention offering an intervention prior to the spiral to shambles. If you notice that yourself, or a loved one, is escalating with compulsive shopping, pay attention: evaluate spending habits, question fiscal responsibility, assess the need for the purchases. You may find out that you are just an occasional impulse buyer—no harm—or, you may realize that you are on your way to a serious addiction problem. The best course of action is to consult with a professional to assist you with your evaluation, and decide on a course of action that will keep you financially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually fit.
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
My newspaper column: Lifestyle Changes “Ask MAx” is published weekly in the
The United States is a ‘nation of credit’; the government, itself, isn’t afraid to go trillions of dollars into debt, therefore, is it a surprise to anyone that the trickle down theory has also led to individual credit card addiction. Spending is encouraged and reinforced by the media: SALE, SALE, SALE; “YOU REALLY NEED ONE OF THESE”; Black Friday; Shop until you drop; 70% OFF!! Individuals are enticed, consciously and subconsciously, to spend, spend, spend. Plastic makes it easier to meet that buying need, credit cards have no visible denomination. The plastic card affords endless spending until that corporate imposed limit is hit—THEN, the credit card addict just needs to get another card! AND, let the spending continue! Understand, please, that the credit card addict, like any other addiction, is acting not out of need or even want, the credit card addict is acting out of impulse. Credit card addicts will often buy something, take it home, have addict remorse, and return the item. As with other addictions, the credit card addict often spirals totally out of control finding their lives, and the lives of loved ones, in shambles. Credit card addictions effect all areas of an addict’s life, with financial being the most obvious. Other areas effected are: personal, physical, spiritual, interpersonal, and professional. Sorting all of this requires professional help via individual counseling, financial coaching, and/or attending support groups. Like any other addiction, education supports prevention offering an intervention prior to the spiral to shambles. If you notice that yourself, or a loved one, is escalating with compulsive shopping, pay attention: evaluate spending habits, question fiscal responsibility, assess the need for the purchases. You may find out that you are just an occasional impulse buyer—no harm—or, you may realize that you are on your way to a serious addiction problem. The best course of action is to consult with a professional to assist you with your evaluation, and decide on a course of action that will keep you financially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually fit.
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
My newspaper column: Lifestyle Changes “Ask MAx” is published weekly in the
12/02/08
ADDICTION AND THE FAMILY
MAx Fabry, Lifestyle Changes, writes a weekly column in the Springfield Times, Springfield, Oregon. The column includes topics on addiction as well as issues related to any life transition. This column will also be repeated in this blog to provide timely information to readers. If you have a question for MAx, please see the mailing address below.You can access the Springfield Times at: http://www.springfieldtimes.net.
LIFESTYLE CHANGES: ASK MAx
by MAx Fabry
Dear MAx,
My husband finally recently went into much needed treatment for alcohol and drug addiction. The kids and I are enjoying a quiet house for the first time in years without all the unexpected chaos his addiction brought to our home. But, now, the treatment center he is at is saying that I, and the children, need to participate in this treatment program. Neither I, nor our children, have any addiction problem—the problem is his! Is it really necessary for us to participate?
Mary
Dear Mary,
I have heard the family system compared to a mobile: an art form of strings and rods that are balanced to maintain equilibrium. The parts of the mobile are flexible enough that it is always changing through movement, but continues to stay connected. For a family that has been affected by addiction, each individual in that family adapts to some sort of behavior the decreases the stress in the family, but, at the same time, supports the addictive behavior. Everyone in the family takes on a role that may compulsively lead to repressed feelings and, often, results in a survival-type behavior. Your husband, entering treatment, has started a journey to change his behavior, thus, changing the equilibrium of your family. What will happen when your husband returns home with newer, healthy behaviors, but all of you are still in your survivor-type roles? For instance, remember all the suspicions you had every time he was late coming home, or, when you found money missing? Was your first thought about where and how he was using? Can you remember all the disappointments you and the family suffered by endless broken promises and expectations? What about the embarrassment and resentments about not feeling comfortable attending events where drinking was likely to occur, thus, isolating yourself and your children from extended family and friends? Oh, yes, and can you deny that you have never felt guilt for being the cause of the addiction? All these emotional upsets, caused in response to the addict’s behaviors, serve to create an unhealthy atmosphere that strains the balance and structure of the family. All family members unwittingly become part of their own problem. The best solution is for all family members to change what they are doing by learning to identify what their unhealthy role is and how that role contributes to the unbalance of the family system, learn to focus on their own needs, and know where to get help and support to make these changes. Fortunately, your husband has entered a treatment program that recognizes the importance of including family members in the recovery process. The need for recognition, acceptance and understanding of each family member’s role is necessary for the entire family to recover and return to a balanced equilibrium. The answer, Mary, is ‘YES’ in order for your family to heal, it will be necessary to participate in your husband’s treatment program.
For those of you who are struggling with a loved one that is continuing to use, or struggling with recovery efforts, begin to make ‘YOU’ priority. The National Council on Alcoholism provides information, referrals, and counseling. Al-Anon and Alateen are worldwide self-help organizations for family members and friends of alcoholics. Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) help people overcome negative thinking and behavior patterns adopted while growing up in an alcoholic home. Professional care is available in the form of individual, family, couples, or group therapy. Call your local crises line listed in the phone book for additional resources available in your area.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘ASK MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com.
MAx Fabry, Lifestyle Changes, writes a weekly column in the Springfield Times, Springfield, Oregon. The column includes topics on addiction as well as issues related to any life transition. This column will also be repeated in this blog to provide timely information to readers. If you have a question for MAx, please see the mailing address below.You can access the Springfield Times at: http://www.springfieldtimes.net.
LIFESTYLE CHANGES: ASK MAx
by MAx Fabry
Dear MAx,
My husband finally recently went into much needed treatment for alcohol and drug addiction. The kids and I are enjoying a quiet house for the first time in years without all the unexpected chaos his addiction brought to our home. But, now, the treatment center he is at is saying that I, and the children, need to participate in this treatment program. Neither I, nor our children, have any addiction problem—the problem is his! Is it really necessary for us to participate?
Mary
Dear Mary,
I have heard the family system compared to a mobile: an art form of strings and rods that are balanced to maintain equilibrium. The parts of the mobile are flexible enough that it is always changing through movement, but continues to stay connected. For a family that has been affected by addiction, each individual in that family adapts to some sort of behavior the decreases the stress in the family, but, at the same time, supports the addictive behavior. Everyone in the family takes on a role that may compulsively lead to repressed feelings and, often, results in a survival-type behavior. Your husband, entering treatment, has started a journey to change his behavior, thus, changing the equilibrium of your family. What will happen when your husband returns home with newer, healthy behaviors, but all of you are still in your survivor-type roles? For instance, remember all the suspicions you had every time he was late coming home, or, when you found money missing? Was your first thought about where and how he was using? Can you remember all the disappointments you and the family suffered by endless broken promises and expectations? What about the embarrassment and resentments about not feeling comfortable attending events where drinking was likely to occur, thus, isolating yourself and your children from extended family and friends? Oh, yes, and can you deny that you have never felt guilt for being the cause of the addiction? All these emotional upsets, caused in response to the addict’s behaviors, serve to create an unhealthy atmosphere that strains the balance and structure of the family. All family members unwittingly become part of their own problem. The best solution is for all family members to change what they are doing by learning to identify what their unhealthy role is and how that role contributes to the unbalance of the family system, learn to focus on their own needs, and know where to get help and support to make these changes. Fortunately, your husband has entered a treatment program that recognizes the importance of including family members in the recovery process. The need for recognition, acceptance and understanding of each family member’s role is necessary for the entire family to recover and return to a balanced equilibrium. The answer, Mary, is ‘YES’ in order for your family to heal, it will be necessary to participate in your husband’s treatment program.
For those of you who are struggling with a loved one that is continuing to use, or struggling with recovery efforts, begin to make ‘YOU’ priority. The National Council on Alcoholism provides information, referrals, and counseling. Al-Anon and Alateen are worldwide self-help organizations for family members and friends of alcoholics. Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) help people overcome negative thinking and behavior patterns adopted while growing up in an alcoholic home. Professional care is available in the form of individual, family, couples, or group therapy. Call your local crises line listed in the phone book for additional resources available in your area.
Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘ASK MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com.
12/01/08
ADDICTION: ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL
The British physicist, Sir William Bragg, said ‘The important thing in science is not so much to obtain new facts as to discover new ways of thinking about them.’ The problem of both alcohol and drug addiction have been around for centuries. Prior to the 1950’s treatment for the ‘cure’ was hit and miss. Alcoholics were shunned and ridiculed by their families; they became throw-aways by their own societies. In 1939 approximately one hundred men and women came together to start Alcoholics Anonymous with the purpose of showing ‘other alcoholics precisely how (they) have recovered.’ (Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, pg xiii, fourth edition) As scientific research emerged in other fields of medicine, the notion that more information was needed for the treatment of alcoholism began to prevail. One of the problems that continued until just recently is that a ‘one size fits all’ mentality evolved lumping treatment for alcoholism with treatment for different kinds of illegal and prescription drug addictions. Even within the very structured AA organization, a split-off occurred with drug addicts attempting to remain ‘clean’ that became the conception of Narcotics Anonymous. While intensive outpatient and residential treatment programs have long used the 12-Step philosophy as a foundation for their treatment models, new methods are starting to emerge. This, in part, is a result of the mandate by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism and the National Institute on Drug Abuse, to encourage research based methods for approaching treatment. While this mandate has opened doors for thinking differently about broadening the approach to treating addiction, the next piece that needs to be wedged away is insurance companies control of funding treatment based on the old belief that ‘one size fits all’ treatment works vs individual need. (Another blog, another time)
Do you have an opinion on the topic of insurance goverened treatment? E-mail your thoughts to: maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
The British physicist, Sir William Bragg, said ‘The important thing in science is not so much to obtain new facts as to discover new ways of thinking about them.’ The problem of both alcohol and drug addiction have been around for centuries. Prior to the 1950’s treatment for the ‘cure’ was hit and miss. Alcoholics were shunned and ridiculed by their families; they became throw-aways by their own societies. In 1939 approximately one hundred men and women came together to start Alcoholics Anonymous with the purpose of showing ‘other alcoholics precisely how (they) have recovered.’ (Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, pg xiii, fourth edition) As scientific research emerged in other fields of medicine, the notion that more information was needed for the treatment of alcoholism began to prevail. One of the problems that continued until just recently is that a ‘one size fits all’ mentality evolved lumping treatment for alcoholism with treatment for different kinds of illegal and prescription drug addictions. Even within the very structured AA organization, a split-off occurred with drug addicts attempting to remain ‘clean’ that became the conception of Narcotics Anonymous. While intensive outpatient and residential treatment programs have long used the 12-Step philosophy as a foundation for their treatment models, new methods are starting to emerge. This, in part, is a result of the mandate by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism and the National Institute on Drug Abuse, to encourage research based methods for approaching treatment. While this mandate has opened doors for thinking differently about broadening the approach to treating addiction, the next piece that needs to be wedged away is insurance companies control of funding treatment based on the old belief that ‘one size fits all’ treatment works vs individual need. (Another blog, another time)
Do you have an opinion on the topic of insurance goverened treatment? E-mail your thoughts to: maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also a proud member and founder of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com