09/06/08
GAMBLING ADDICTION
I was taken aback when my 17 year old grandson, who lives with me, confronted me with this statement: ‘No wonder we don’t have a lot of money, you have a gambling habit!’ ‘What!?’ ‘Don’t try to deny it, I found ‘players cards’ from two different casinos!’ he shouted. I was blown away by the accusation. I stopped and thought about how to even approach a reply to this accusation. I chose, what seemed to me, the logical route using it as a learning opportunity for him: ‘No, I don’t have a gambling problem. I do go to casinos now and then—I see it as an adult activity, an opportunity to be around other adults. The casinos encourage signing up for the cards to build their mailing lists. When I do want to stop by a casino, I never take more then I would be able to flush down a toilet—usually $25—and I never take my purse with my money and credit cards inside. When the $25 is gone I leave. Most of the time I plan only to stay an hour or two. People can go into casinos and not be addicts, the same way people can go into a bar to drink and not be alcoholics.’ He seemed comfortable with this explanation, and I thought it was more then enough explanation. WRONG! That conversation happened two weeks ago. Since then he has discussed this with his mother, my daughter, and convinced her that I, in fact, do have a gambling problem. My daughter now thinks I have a ‘severe gambling problem’ because they (my grandson and her) have identified ‘warning signs’ AND, she added, ‘you even have clients in all the towns that have casinos’. ‘Hello! I am an ADDICTION COUNSELOR. I have clients not only statewide, but world wide; in towns that have casinos, in towns that don’t have casinos.’ Arguing with people that have their own addictions is useless. I love them both for their caring, but, trust me, their imaginations have gone rampant in this case.
Gambling is an issue for many people, though, even in my own family. My ‘ex’ gambled all of our money away not once, not twice, but THREE times! I finally ‘got it’ and ended the relationship. He still gambles and never seems to have money and/or a home. According to the website http://www.clearleadinc.com/site/gambling-addiction.html, ‘about 2.5 million adults in America are pathological gamblers and another 3 million of them should be considered problem gamblers, 15 million adults are at a risk for problem gambling and about 148 million are low-risk gamblers.’ Gambling, like many other addictions, is a compulsive behavior disorder that is treatable. Some of the red flag warning signs of gambling addiction include: secrecy with money and finances, missing jewelry, cash, or valuables, missing bank or credit card statements, unexplained cash, lie about how much you gamble, gamble with money you need to pay bills, celebrate by gambling, etc.*. There are several treatment approaches to addressing gambling addictions and there are gamblers anonymous groups available for support. I really want to acknowledge my family’s loving ‘concern’ for me, even though misdirected—good for them for not burying their heads. Here are a couple tips for family members who think their loved one might have a gambling problem: (1) Educate yourself about gambling addiction; the internet is a great source of information. (2) When confronting your loved one, be honest about how their behavior is affecting you. (3) Seek out treatment; encourage your loved one to get help. In some states treatment is free, so know what your options are. (4) Monitor internet use. As the gambling addiction progresses, the internet is closer then any casino. (5) Be sure to become the steward of the household finances. Remember, just because someone frequents casinos, doesn't mean they have a gambling problem. Gambling becomes a problem if it causes problems.
Learn more about warning signs, myths & facts, and treatment of gambling addiction at
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/gambling_addiction.htm
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling,com
I am also the founder and a proud member of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
I was taken aback when my 17 year old grandson, who lives with me, confronted me with this statement: ‘No wonder we don’t have a lot of money, you have a gambling habit!’ ‘What!?’ ‘Don’t try to deny it, I found ‘players cards’ from two different casinos!’ he shouted. I was blown away by the accusation. I stopped and thought about how to even approach a reply to this accusation. I chose, what seemed to me, the logical route using it as a learning opportunity for him: ‘No, I don’t have a gambling problem. I do go to casinos now and then—I see it as an adult activity, an opportunity to be around other adults. The casinos encourage signing up for the cards to build their mailing lists. When I do want to stop by a casino, I never take more then I would be able to flush down a toilet—usually $25—and I never take my purse with my money and credit cards inside. When the $25 is gone I leave. Most of the time I plan only to stay an hour or two. People can go into casinos and not be addicts, the same way people can go into a bar to drink and not be alcoholics.’ He seemed comfortable with this explanation, and I thought it was more then enough explanation. WRONG! That conversation happened two weeks ago. Since then he has discussed this with his mother, my daughter, and convinced her that I, in fact, do have a gambling problem. My daughter now thinks I have a ‘severe gambling problem’ because they (my grandson and her) have identified ‘warning signs’ AND, she added, ‘you even have clients in all the towns that have casinos’. ‘Hello! I am an ADDICTION COUNSELOR. I have clients not only statewide, but world wide; in towns that have casinos, in towns that don’t have casinos.’ Arguing with people that have their own addictions is useless. I love them both for their caring, but, trust me, their imaginations have gone rampant in this case.
Gambling is an issue for many people, though, even in my own family. My ‘ex’ gambled all of our money away not once, not twice, but THREE times! I finally ‘got it’ and ended the relationship. He still gambles and never seems to have money and/or a home. According to the website http://www.clearleadinc.com/site/gambling-addiction.html, ‘about 2.5 million adults in America are pathological gamblers and another 3 million of them should be considered problem gamblers, 15 million adults are at a risk for problem gambling and about 148 million are low-risk gamblers.’ Gambling, like many other addictions, is a compulsive behavior disorder that is treatable. Some of the red flag warning signs of gambling addiction include: secrecy with money and finances, missing jewelry, cash, or valuables, missing bank or credit card statements, unexplained cash, lie about how much you gamble, gamble with money you need to pay bills, celebrate by gambling, etc.*. There are several treatment approaches to addressing gambling addictions and there are gamblers anonymous groups available for support. I really want to acknowledge my family’s loving ‘concern’ for me, even though misdirected—good for them for not burying their heads. Here are a couple tips for family members who think their loved one might have a gambling problem: (1) Educate yourself about gambling addiction; the internet is a great source of information. (2) When confronting your loved one, be honest about how their behavior is affecting you. (3) Seek out treatment; encourage your loved one to get help. In some states treatment is free, so know what your options are. (4) Monitor internet use. As the gambling addiction progresses, the internet is closer then any casino. (5) Be sure to become the steward of the household finances. Remember, just because someone frequents casinos, doesn't mean they have a gambling problem. Gambling becomes a problem if it causes problems.
Learn more about warning signs, myths & facts, and treatment of gambling addiction at
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/gambling_addiction.htm
Learn more about me, MAx Fabry, and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling,com
I am also the founder and a proud member of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
09/01/08
GRIEF AND CHANGE
Grief is an interesting process. In my last blog I announced that there will be some changes to both of my websites; those changes will be made during the month of September. Change is good; change is inevitable. Which brings me to the grief process. As most readers of my blog are aware, my mother passed January 26th. I wrote and facilitate a workshop about grief and loss; I had completed one of those workshops the day my mother died. Yet, I surprised myself at how much I was not prepared for after hear death. A dear wise friend said to me ‘It doesn’t matter what you teach, or what you think you know (about grief), you still have to go through the process.’ I have grown so much since her death. Perhaps it is just being able to move into the person that I have always known I was; not the person she expected me to be. Isn’t it amazing how, either consciously or subconsciously, we try to live up to the expectations of our parents. Maybe that’s what is meant my ‘cutting the umbilical cord’—it isn’t about moving out, it is about becoming your own person. Change truly is good, inevitable, and constantly shifting. The grief process has awakened me to myself—and, that, is a good thing.
Learn more about me and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also the founder and proud member of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
Grief is an interesting process. In my last blog I announced that there will be some changes to both of my websites; those changes will be made during the month of September. Change is good; change is inevitable. Which brings me to the grief process. As most readers of my blog are aware, my mother passed January 26th. I wrote and facilitate a workshop about grief and loss; I had completed one of those workshops the day my mother died. Yet, I surprised myself at how much I was not prepared for after hear death. A dear wise friend said to me ‘It doesn’t matter what you teach, or what you think you know (about grief), you still have to go through the process.’ I have grown so much since her death. Perhaps it is just being able to move into the person that I have always known I was; not the person she expected me to be. Isn’t it amazing how, either consciously or subconsciously, we try to live up to the expectations of our parents. Maybe that’s what is meant my ‘cutting the umbilical cord’—it isn’t about moving out, it is about becoming your own person. Change truly is good, inevitable, and constantly shifting. The grief process has awakened me to myself—and, that, is a good thing.
Learn more about me and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also the founder and proud member of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
07/25/08
ADDICTION COUNSELOR: DWIGHT LEE
I really want to recognize one of my supporters, mentors, and business partner: Dwight Lee. Dwight and I met when I started working for an agency; he and I shared an office together. Agencies are difficult places to work on many levels. Sometimes Dwight would notice that I was really looking a little down—particularly after one of many ‘discussions’ with our supervisor. I remember the first time he pulled his chair up to my desk and said ‘Now, MAx, you can’t let this get to you. You do good work and your patients appreciate you. You just have to remember that we don’t do this work for (agency), we are doing God’s work.’ Dwight is also an ordained minister, so I knew and respected that he was religiously based. The most important thing, though, is that when he said that to me over five years ago, he believed it! And, eventually, working with him at that agency for over three years, I began to believe it, too. Still do. Dwight is the type of man that goes out of his way to help people. He recently generously donated over $500 to help a local school district nonprofit health clinic that helps high school students and their siblings benefit from free or low cost medical care. He has an inspiring story which I continually urge him to write and share with others that think they are unable to turn their lives around. Read about Dwight Lee at http://lifestylechangescounseling.com/dwight.html. Thank you, Dwight, for continue to be an inspiration, and reminding me that I do this work at the direction of a higher authority. You keep me humble. Who is one of your heroes?
MAx FABRY: Learn more about me and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also the founder and proud member of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
I really want to recognize one of my supporters, mentors, and business partner: Dwight Lee. Dwight and I met when I started working for an agency; he and I shared an office together. Agencies are difficult places to work on many levels. Sometimes Dwight would notice that I was really looking a little down—particularly after one of many ‘discussions’ with our supervisor. I remember the first time he pulled his chair up to my desk and said ‘Now, MAx, you can’t let this get to you. You do good work and your patients appreciate you. You just have to remember that we don’t do this work for (agency), we are doing God’s work.’ Dwight is also an ordained minister, so I knew and respected that he was religiously based. The most important thing, though, is that when he said that to me over five years ago, he believed it! And, eventually, working with him at that agency for over three years, I began to believe it, too. Still do. Dwight is the type of man that goes out of his way to help people. He recently generously donated over $500 to help a local school district nonprofit health clinic that helps high school students and their siblings benefit from free or low cost medical care. He has an inspiring story which I continually urge him to write and share with others that think they are unable to turn their lives around. Read about Dwight Lee at http://lifestylechangescounseling.com/dwight.html. Thank you, Dwight, for continue to be an inspiration, and reminding me that I do this work at the direction of a higher authority. You keep me humble. Who is one of your heroes?
MAx FABRY: Learn more about me and my private practice at
http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also the founder and proud member of Online Wellness Association
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
07/17/08
ADDICTION: CONFIDENTIALITY
There are ‘rules’ about working with my addiction clients. These are not rules that I personally made-up, these are rules that are part of the Ethics of Addiction Counseling. These rules are defined and detailed by the U.S. Department of Human Services national standard Privacy Act known as The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996 (HIPPA). You can learn everything you need to know about HIPPA at
http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacysummary.pdf. Now, everyone wants their medical records protected, right? Jobs, promotions, clearances—our individual economic welfare can be jeopardized with release of certain medical information. Yet, in order for a doctor, or treatment center, to be paid for services, HIPPA does allow for details of medical records in order for the payment of services. This is why I see a problem with filing health insurance for my clients: I would have to produce medical records when requested. I am not willing to do that. Of course, if one of my clients signs a release of information to have a report sent somewhere, I do comply. However, most of my clients come to me, and my colleagues, because we are known for our confidentiality standards. These are probably people that would not seek out treatment unless it were individual and private. It is a dilemma. How does one get services paid for without exposing medical records? Do you have any ideas? Am I interpreting HIPPA wrong? Would appreciate hearing your thoughts on this.
MAx Fabry: Learn more about me and my private practice at
www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also founder and proud member of Online Wellness Association
www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
There are ‘rules’ about working with my addiction clients. These are not rules that I personally made-up, these are rules that are part of the Ethics of Addiction Counseling. These rules are defined and detailed by the U.S. Department of Human Services national standard Privacy Act known as The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996 (HIPPA). You can learn everything you need to know about HIPPA at
http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacysummary.pdf. Now, everyone wants their medical records protected, right? Jobs, promotions, clearances—our individual economic welfare can be jeopardized with release of certain medical information. Yet, in order for a doctor, or treatment center, to be paid for services, HIPPA does allow for details of medical records in order for the payment of services. This is why I see a problem with filing health insurance for my clients: I would have to produce medical records when requested. I am not willing to do that. Of course, if one of my clients signs a release of information to have a report sent somewhere, I do comply. However, most of my clients come to me, and my colleagues, because we are known for our confidentiality standards. These are probably people that would not seek out treatment unless it were individual and private. It is a dilemma. How does one get services paid for without exposing medical records? Do you have any ideas? Am I interpreting HIPPA wrong? Would appreciate hearing your thoughts on this.
MAx Fabry: Learn more about me and my private practice at
www.lifestylechangescounseling.com
I am also founder and proud member of Online Wellness Association
www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
07/16/08
ADDICTION: I WANT TO LIVE!
Several of my addiction clients have shared with me that the primary motivation for deciding to commit to a healthy change is they decided they wanted to live ‘for the first time in my life’. One man detailed this epiphany explaining that he was at his ‘lowest bottom, alone, sick of being sick, and a rifle barrel in (his) mouth—(his) finger on the trigger when (he) suddenly realized: I WANT TO LIVE!’ He admitted himself to a residential treatment center and has been clean and sober ever since that fateful day. I suspect it doesn’t matter what your addiction is, eventually that point is reached; that point where you decide if you want to slowly continue killing yourself, or you want to live a healthy lifestyle. Last week I found myself not having one more thing to give anyone, and, I also was unable to receive from anyone. Have you every gotten to that point? I took myself on a silent retreat to re-center. As I was resting in the hammock with the river flowing by, I thought of the man that had the rifle in his mouth, and wondered if the numbness I was feeling that got me into that hammock, was the same numbness he felt up to that very point that he contemplated taking his life? I thought I am so blessed that, according to my mother, from the moment I was born I have wanted to live! Then, I realized, my own addiction to life had just caught up with me: I had given more then I had been receiving—I was emotionally, spiritually, and physically bankrupt. I spent the rest of the retreat thinking loving, kind thoughts to reconnect my mind, body, and spirit, to be open to receiving and loving myself as much as I love everyone else in both my personal and professional life. I am sure that I have experienced this in a past chapter of my life, but, maybe, as I get older the experience becomes more profound.
MAx Fabry: Learn more about me and my private practice Lifestyle Changes at
http://www.livestylechangescounseling.com.
I am also founder and proud member of Online Wellness Association at
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
Several of my addiction clients have shared with me that the primary motivation for deciding to commit to a healthy change is they decided they wanted to live ‘for the first time in my life’. One man detailed this epiphany explaining that he was at his ‘lowest bottom, alone, sick of being sick, and a rifle barrel in (his) mouth—(his) finger on the trigger when (he) suddenly realized: I WANT TO LIVE!’ He admitted himself to a residential treatment center and has been clean and sober ever since that fateful day. I suspect it doesn’t matter what your addiction is, eventually that point is reached; that point where you decide if you want to slowly continue killing yourself, or you want to live a healthy lifestyle. Last week I found myself not having one more thing to give anyone, and, I also was unable to receive from anyone. Have you every gotten to that point? I took myself on a silent retreat to re-center. As I was resting in the hammock with the river flowing by, I thought of the man that had the rifle in his mouth, and wondered if the numbness I was feeling that got me into that hammock, was the same numbness he felt up to that very point that he contemplated taking his life? I thought I am so blessed that, according to my mother, from the moment I was born I have wanted to live! Then, I realized, my own addiction to life had just caught up with me: I had given more then I had been receiving—I was emotionally, spiritually, and physically bankrupt. I spent the rest of the retreat thinking loving, kind thoughts to reconnect my mind, body, and spirit, to be open to receiving and loving myself as much as I love everyone else in both my personal and professional life. I am sure that I have experienced this in a past chapter of my life, but, maybe, as I get older the experience becomes more profound.
MAx Fabry: Learn more about me and my private practice Lifestyle Changes at
http://www.livestylechangescounseling.com.
I am also founder and proud member of Online Wellness Association at
http://www.onlinewellnessassociation.com
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